and he has a terrible drinking problem and when he drinks he likes to get drunk and hit on me, so this weekend he did just that and I had him arrested. I still haven't pressed charges on him but I am thinking that I should to show him that he needs to change and that I am serious about not wanting to be with him anymore if he can't get help what should I do?
2006-07-04 16:52:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was abused for about 3 years in a relationship. I loved the good times I had with him and wanted it to always be good. but he's a drunk. He would be sweet as sugar when he was sober, but I knew the minute he put a drink to his mouth I was screwed. I was so afraid of him when he drank, I kept the car keys in my pocket for a quick get away and stayed near the door. I was afraid to go to sleep at nite because he had attacked me in my sleep when I was about 7 months pregnant and I lost one of my front teeth. I felt so much shame. I was embarrased to love someone who physically abused me, and I let it go on. He had issues with childhood abuse. His step dad was an alcoholic and I think he may have repeated what he learned in his own childhood.
You may love him, but you cannot change what is in his head. He may be deeply apologetic for what he has done to you, but it doesn't change it. He may be hateful like my x and think you deserved it.
No one deserves having themselves brought down to the level of physical abuse. It is degrading, and shaming. I have been there and I know.
Raise your head up and make a stand. File the charges and keep your distance until you are strong enough to get out of this. He may accidentally kill you one of these days. He is not going to get help and even if he does, it takes years of counseling to change A person who physically abuses another. I am sitting here crying my head off writing this. Its been 18 years since I left my abuser. It is still emotionally very painfiul for me and I have been through mental health counseling. If you can just muster up that little bit of self worth,you will do allright.
2006-07-04 17:31:54 · answer #1 · answered by happydawg 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In a lot of states you don't have to press charges as the police will do it themselves and the DA is very willing to follow through. Ever since the OJ trial domestic abuse has been in the forefront of the police's agenda. They have no tolerance for it. Is this his first arrest? If so he may get off with very little jail time if any at all. If it is his 2nd or 3rd then he may get jail time. He will more than likely be very pissed at the fact that you called the police at all. There is no telling what he might do especially if he starts drinking again. My personal advice is: Time to move on and quickly. Check into the support group Al anon (spelling is incorrect) but this group helps the family members of alcoholics. Contact the police and they will be able to give you their number. I'm sure there are other groups also but I don't know of any other than the one I mentioned. Alcoholics have two personality traits when they are drunk. They are either the happy go lucky don't give a sh!t type or there is the mean drunk that will do anything when pushed the wrong way. The second one is the dangerous one and it sounds like that's the one you are married to. Get out while you can, especially while he is in jail and can't stop you. Good luck.
2006-07-04 17:30:54 · answer #2 · answered by Flyboy in Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My brother would get drunk and beat up my sister-in-law all the time. The last time this hapened she called the cops on him. He is now in jail. If the guy loves you he will not raise a had to you. You should co ahead and press charges and if for some reason you want to work things out make him promise that he will never drink again. My brother had to promise that but right now it is too late because when his baby boy is born he will be in jail and not see the miracle of his child being born.
2006-07-04 17:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by mjmj0103 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some states, that wouldn't be a question. Spousal abuse is a crime against the state instead of against the spouse. He would be charged and tried.
Ok. On with your question. Sit down with him and your legal representative. Explain in clear terms that he will not be welcome in your life if he does not get help, including alcoholics anonymous and counseling. If he does not consent to these, or does not intend to or cannot carry through, then press charges and proceed with a divorce.
If he is willing to go through with the counseling, AA, etc. and is serious about it, then if you have it in your heart, support him. Alcoholism is a tough disease to tame (one does not beat it). It takes constant attention, and a lot of willpower.
As for you. You don't get off scot free here. There are some support groups for families if alcoholics and drug abusers. Check them out and really take part in the exercises. There are certain personality traits which you may discover you have which are enabling your husband, or predisposing you to being the human punching bag you wish not to be.
Even if you husband decides that the highway is simpler, go to the support group. It is going to help you deal with yourself, him, the guilt, etc.
Good luck, and take care. Your decisions and actions are not going to be nearly as easy as it was to sit here and type this diatribe. There are folks out there to help you along the way.
2006-07-04 17:07:49 · answer #4 · answered by drslowpoke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear...if a man hits you once. The one thing you find out is that he is capable of doing it again. There is never an excuse for physical or mental abuse. It will be tough. But you need to press charges. Then you need to see about getting out of that marriage. There are many men out there who will treat you with respect. Don't settle for anything less.
2006-07-04 17:03:58 · answer #5 · answered by Patrick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has drinking problem he could not care less including policemen and laws. Policemen are just a temporary solutions. Surely he will drink again if you do not seek help.
You should start by asking him to get professionals help/rehab. If he doesnt want to change, leave him and move on.
2006-07-04 16:59:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you have stayed in an abusive relationship for 5 year,,,,,,, why? Geeez, girl, you must just love pain. You asked what you should do??? Pack up your stuff, and get the hell out.... life is too short to get yourself killed -- and it does happen.... Geeeeeez, if a guy every struck me, I'd be gone before he could open his mouth...
2006-07-04 17:08:40 · answer #7 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pack your belongings, press the charges and say adios. IT NEVER STOPS!!!! If they hit you once, they hit you again and again and again. You already know this. I've been there and done that, so please, STOP ALLOWING HIM TO DO THIS TO YOU!! Walk away while you are still about to do so.
2006-07-04 17:02:01 · answer #8 · answered by adagia27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice, shame on me"...how many times are you going to allow this man to beat the s**t out of you????? YES, press charges...and YES get your butt out of that marriage NOW before he kills you!!! If he is capable of beating you he is capable of killing you! You have many organizations to call upon to help keep you safe and get back on your feet again. This is domestic violence and it will NOT stop!!
2006-07-05 01:34:30 · answer #9 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can! Girl you So did the right thing.
He needs to realize that in order to have you he needs to respect you.
2006-07-04 17:00:34 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi_08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋