Married people... any words of wisdom for a husband-to-be?

Question

I'm getting married in eighteen more days! :-D What are some key pieces of advice/wisdom/encouragement that anybody who has experienced married life can share with me?

Answer 1

I'm going on a year, so i can offer newly wed advice. Everyone says it but I'll preach it too. Communication. Talk about everything if you can. There will be some things that will be akward or just may seem dumb, but talk. I think the biggest thing that leads to my wife and I getting into it is not knowing each other's goals or expectations. And if you're in a tiff, apologize. Be a man and say your sorry. (i'm not saying your not a man) If it's something dumb, admit it to her and sit down and talk about it, learn what each other is thinking and talk it out. If it's a big deal and important issue, then you may need a cool off period. Let each other know that you need a little time alone to collect thoughts and chill. That way you don't blow up and say things you'll regret out of anger. But then come back and talk. Biggest thing, and the HARDEST thing... Talk.

I'll edit mine. DON'T listen to half of these idiots on here. They'll never gain a maturity level to understand the beauty of marriage. Though I hope and pray that one day they will.

Answer 2

Totally cool, congrats. Surprise her with silly things, like flowers for no reason. Tell you love her -- often. When you are about to loose your cool, ask for a time out. And to be a wonderful lover, buy the book "For you both" by Lonnie Barbach, cheap in paperback at Amazon.com. None of this guarantees success -- 50% of all marriages fail, but amazingly, 50% succeed. Woo your wife. And remember that if you two decide to become parents, the strain of raising a child will test your patience and your marriage to its outer limits.. Take some time even during some of these very dark years to get away together (yup, raising kids can be dark, at least as far as being a lover and a husband.....) -- even if it is overnight in a motel, and you can only afford pizza and beer. Stay each other's best friend first, and kiss her and hold her without expecting it all to end in sex. Keep the lines of communication always open -- read another book "The Assertive Option" old, but the standard, no one has written one any better, still used in human relation classes.. both in paperback on Amazon.com.

Answer 3

There is Only Time

There was a period that couples believed if they crammed a tremendous amount of activities into a short period of time it could be termed “quality time” and it would make up for the time they were away from each other.

Nonsense – the only thing that matters to a partner is that you are there. Time is the only thing that we can loose never to return

We can make or loose money again and again. Our house can burn to the ground and be rebuilt over and over. You can never return to a moment in time. You can never recapture the first moment your child walks. You can never be there when your wife needs to talk about a problem for the first time. If she goes to a friend how can you recapture the moment?

Be there for her and truly learn to listen. If you don't figure out what she is REALLY saying you will end up in trouble time and again. Listening is an an active participation event. It will cause you endless emotional upheaval but don't feel you need to solve the problems your wife brings to you. Listen and indicate understaning and let her make up her own mind.

Finally, there are two main things that you need to remember about a relationship. You need mutual goals and shared respect. Love changes, infatuation fades, sex goes in waves and you will become used to having her around and (unfortunately) take her for granted at times. As long as you respect her you will try to make it through the difficulties and with mutual goals you will have a path to follow.

Good luck!

Answer 4

You value your car right? If you plan to own a home someday, you'll value that too right? So, if you value your marriage, you need to do what you do with any other major investment. Maintenence. Every few years, attend a marriage workshop/seminar/class at your house of worship.

In between, date her regularly.

If you really want it to work, you have to put effort and work into it. Commit to a lifetime not only with your words but with your heart and your actions.

Some days are cotton ball days, and some days are sandpaper days. Cotton ball days are blessings, but not nearly as valuable as the sandpaper days that will polish and refine.

Learn to live with the small things.

Remember to love and respect each other, even when you're hurt or angry. Remember she'll often act out in anger when she's hurt.

Agree on how to raise and discipline children before you have them.

Finally, budget your money strictly and come to an agreement on this. So many marriages fall apart because of different spending habits.

Answer 5

The two C's...Communication and Consideration.
Always communicate to her if you are having a problem in the relationship and be considerate of her feelings,wants and needs. This is the basics and the foundation to a strong marriage.
Marriage is a wonderful thing and most people take it for granted. When your at the alter look straight into her beautiful eyes and see how blessed you are that another human being wants to share there preciouse life with yours. Its beautiful and I wish you nothing but success. Marriage is not easy and you will be tested on many days however it is so much worth.

Answer 6

Been married five years. Best advice I can give is when fighting, never call the other one names, stick to the issue you are disputing, and, even if you don't agree, allow yourself to be in your wife's position for a minute, so you can at least understand where she is coming from. Be ready to say you are sorry when you are wrong, and don't gloat or lay a guilt trip on her when she apologizes to you.

Make a habit of telling her you love her at least seven to eight times a day (I do with my wife). Allow her to be her, and, at the same time, don't let her mold you into her image. Pick your battles wisely. Some things are just not worth the effort fighting about. Get away to be by yourselves for a weekend at least once every six months. Always remember to put the toilet seat down, especially in the middle of the night! Keep growing in your relationship to each other.

Congrats on your engagement. May God bless your lives together!

Answer 7

Well, congratulations! Ok, here goes. Remember these words: Yes Ma'am.

Remember that Rome was not built in a day, and an argument will not be solved in a day either. Just hang in there!

Always talk good about your spouse, even if she ticks you off. If you say something nice long enough and loud enough, you will eventually believe it yourself.

You made a vow...stick to it! Don't be one of these dopes on here that say "my marriage sucks and I'm in love with another woman, blah blah blah."

Kids DEFINITELY change your marriage, but well worth the effort.

Overlook the small stuff. If it's not going to matter 20 years from now, don't make an issue of it now.

Accept her family...you will probably see a lot of them over the years.

Both of you will change with time, don't let it be a damper in your marriage. Celebrate the small accomplishments that you make together.

Marriage is like the tide. Easy times and hard times come and go. Just roll with it.

Have fun. I wish you both well.

Answer 8

Treat her with respect, with love. Don't cheat on her.
Don't expect it to be easy, don't expect it to be perfect. There will be hard times, there will be fights. You just have to love her enough to work thru them. No matter what you think, you're not the easiest person to live with, so cut her some slack on her annoying habits as well.
Don't expect sex every night, help her with the dishes, and cook her a nice meal occasionally (grilling the meat doesn't count).
Throw your socks and racing striped underwear in the clothes hamper not on the floor.
Tell her at least once a day, 1) how lucky you are to have her, 2) how much you love her, 3) and how gorgeous she is to you.
Buy her flowers a couple of times a month, not enough to where they start losing their significance to her, but enough that she knows you're thinking of her.
These are just the basics. I could go on for the next couple of hours...but you need to learn some things for yourself...lol.
Most importantly, treat her as your equal, your friend, your better half.
I had an old man tell me two things one time, and I must agree with him, 1) if she asks you if she is getting fat, say no immediately, don't hesitate, don't think, just say no, 2) the two most important words in making a marriage easier...Yes dear.
Hope you have many years of love and bliss, and how ever many kids you want all healthy and happy. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 9

Review your courtship...make absolutely sure you have discussed the important things. Make sure that both of you know exactly what you want, think, believe, before you tie the knot. Don't just think you know, and definately do NOT assume anything. Even if you disagree on some things, at least you will know going in what areas you two will have to reach some sort of compromise in. But the worst thing you can do is find out after the fact that you both have very different ideas on things that you will have to be together on to make your marriage work.
If you find you need more time to think things over, take it. The tragedy is NOT not getting married; the tragedy is getting married and finding out you shouldn't have.

Answer 10

Straight up.. its not going to be easy.. marriage take alot of work..and there are going to be days your just going to want to throw in the towel and say i cant handle it anymore...but before you get married know that this is all normal. It takes awhile for newly married couples to get all the edges smoothed out, sometimes years, know that everyone changes, some changes your going to love, some your going to hate... theres going to be good days and bad days.. but your the man of the house, its up to you to protect her from all others, to respect her as if she was a queen, love her like no other man could ever love her, never stop trying to show her how much u love her, be her best friend..provide for her and your family to come.. a woman is puddy in your hands if you just treat her right.. give her ur whole heart and she will give hers back to you.. Good luck and congrats on your wedding.. i hope you have a very long and happy marriage..