Is it ok to be with someone that is much older than you if you love the person?

Question

He is 40 i am 19.

Answer 1

First off what do you have in common?? Sex?? one day he will get older .. yes so will you but then things change for a man..my advice is enjoy life and all it offers you are far to young to settle into a summer winter relationship.. he has lived his youth ... Good luck.. .God Bless

Answer 2

I have some insight to your question...

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. Funny, my girlfriend's niece just got married to a guy in his 40s, and she was 19-20. As you might expect, there was a lot of concern...more than concern - downright displeasure. However, nobody stopped them, and they are now married. Part of the problem for the family was that they never got to know the guy - she stayed away after she moved out of the house and made very little effort, if any, to let the guy get to know the family. As you might expect, they were pretty upset when they learned she was living with the guy. I don't think getting married help much.

The concern is that the loved ones want there to be an equal partnership. As it so happens with couples, especially so when the man is the older one, that he eventually becomes the dominant figure in the relationship. The woman is relegated to an almost subserviant role.

Before you say "This can't happen to me" you might ask around and see if you can find a few couples where the man was 20 years senior to the woman.

My mom was 14 years younger than my dad. Their relationship was pretty stormy, and what my dad said, went. He sometimes treated her like a daughter more than a wife.

Is it okay to be with someone 21 years older? Yes, but be prepared for this kind of dynamic, and be prepared for a lot of static from the family.

If I could offer you any advice at all, it would be to let your parents in on what you are thinking every step of the way - let them argue, shout, etc. The worst thing you can do is shut them out of your life. They are your parents and are want what is best for you. You might not agree with them, but they have been around the block a few times, believe it or not.

At first, this relationship of yours will scare them to death. They will cut you some rope and let you be with this guy - mostly because you are 19 and they can't stop you if you choose to be with him. If they see that you can make it work, they will eventually warm up to him.

Also, make sure you get him in front of your parents. He needs to be able to articulate that he is well aware of the weirdness of it all, but he loves you dearly, and for better or worse, you want to give it a try.

He had better be willing to do something as painful as this, otherwise, you need to reconsider your position.

Anyway, good luck with such a difficult situation.

C

Answer 3

There is also a 21 year age gap between myself and my love, however I am 28, not 19. I am not begrudging you your happiness based on your age, you may be a very mature 19 year old, but make sure you are ready to be settled. If you two have no issues with the age gap and are capable of talking and working through any problems that may arise because of it, then take the happiness that has been given to you. After all, there is so little of it in this life. Good luck.

Answer 4

Hun if you were 40 and he was 60 id say ok cause then you would be a full grown woman that knows the ways of the world.. at the age that you are now, in my eyes he's nothing but a perv. Your barely old enough to be considered an adult, you have no clue yet who u really are, (takes awhile to truely find that out , i know your saying u know but trust me you dont ) He's old enough to be your father, trust me, he's only using you for sex and to look cool with his friends cause he landed a young chic.. Sweetie hes taking advantage of how nieve you are. Find someone more your age range so u can grow together, i promise if u go for the old fart, that you'll just get sick of him real soon anyways so dont waste your time.. on an old geezer that probably is going to need viagra if not now very soon lol..

Answer 5

40 years old is pushing the limit with a 19 year old you if a older man is what you want im 26 thats way better than 40

Answer 6

40 and 19 is toooo much of a spread based on your 19. The number of years is less important when you both are aged adults....not a teenager.

Answer 7

It might work for you for awhile but the generation gap will eventually work against your relationship. How will you fit in with his friends or him with yours. You will basically have to abandon your youth in order to make him happy. 21 yrs is a very large gap. I would really look at this carefully before you jump off the deep end. He has been around the block several times, and as far as I am concerned you just barely got out of the house.

Answer 8

In the early 18 and 1900's this would be common. Old age was over 30. I,m not saying that he is not in love with you. I would question why you, and why not a woman his age? Has he been married before? If not why?

Answer 9

he will be 60 and you will be 39. YOu will be at your sexual peak and he will hardly be able to keep it up. The rule is five up and 10 down. Any more than that and you're begging for trouble.

Check out the following website. It could offer some insite to your problems. It also give a birdseye view of a guy's psyche.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com
Good luck

Answer 10

You're a legal adult. If he is single and you're single, I don't see a problem with it. Love has no bounds.
Just make sure that you love him and not the idea of dating an older guy. And make sure he loves you and not just the idea of dating a teenager. If you're both in it for the right reasons..congrats on finding love.