I need advise on domestic violence case.?

Question

My ex and I had been together for about 13 years. We had 2 children together, now 6 & 7 yrs. old. For the past 5 yrs. he has been very abusive, verbally and physiclly. I left him almost a year ago, after the last time he was abusive. He had hit me many times in the head & face, burnt me with a cigarette 3 times and caused permanent damage to my knee and put a knife to my throat and said he was going to kill me. My children saw most of this when it was happening. I pressed charges against him, but the grand jury lowered everything to misdemeanors, even though they had the hospital records and pictures from the hospital. Now we still have to go to court over it again. I feel like I'm wasting my time. And I'm afraid he'll get his visitation with our kids back. I am not the only one who has gotten charges on him for this type of thing, he has a big record. But always gets out of everything. He is an alcoholic and I think he has a cocaine problem. Sometimes I'm to scared to sleep.

Right now I have sole custody of my kids. I have a restraining ordeer for me and my kids, but the judge said he moght get his visitation back after we go in front of the jury. He was court ordered to take domestic violence classes for knocking out another girls teeth. But he doesn't go. He was also ordered to take drug tests and he doesn't do that either. Staying with family doesn't stop him I tried. He once came into a store I worked at and attacked me with a pair of scissors. He doesn't care who is around.

Answer 1

Don't give up. You give up and he knows he's won. He is still abusing you now, and you don't realize it. Even if he only gets misdemeanors, you're fighting for yourself and your kids.
Don't let your kids see you give up, don't let them see that sick pervert win.
Make your lawyer stay on top of it...take it to a jury if you need to, but keep him away from your kids. He is a threat to you and your kids, and that will not end if you don't end it.
Tell the lawyer that you want to look into a drug test and forcing him into rehab for drugs and alcohol. Although rehab probably would do him no good, it will force the courts to do a drug test every time before they can look into giving him back visitaion. So he'll either have to stay clean, get really creative to pass the test, or never see his kids again.
Do not give up. You are the only one that can end his reign of abuse on you.
I wish you and your kids all the luck in the world.

Answer 2

I pray you have an Order of Protection against him for you and your babies. It should help in court. I am a strong willed person. Not everyone can do what I know I would do. If it were me I would have a plan in case he was awarded visitation. Kids come first. I just wish more judges would actually put them first. I get so angry when I think about "the courts" giving adults privileges they don't deserve! It won't change until enough people or possibly one special person changes it. I would go through the whole process. You must try everything legally without letting him have the children. If (and hopefully this will not happen) but, if he does get visitation rights I would seek out illegal organizations that help women in your situation. What I mean by that (not murder!!!) are the organizations that will take your children and keep them safe. You will not know where they are until the matter is resolved but they will be well taken care of. It's a hard decision to let them go but if you love them enough it's the only answer.

Answer 3

I am very sorry for you and your kids. Can your family members put up in their house and help to protect all of you? This guy is more than dangerous and you know that. How about a safe haven for battered women and children? I have heard of those agencies helping people in your predictament. And you will win the court battle. I hope you don't give up and give in. This guy needs to go away for good. Have you gotten an attorney who might have some ideas and suggestions to help you with a safe place? Stay on your phone and call and call until you get someone or some place to help you. There is a way out. Maybe even a church can have a way to help. God Bless you.......

Answer 4

I'm so sorry you are in this situation! The best thing you can do is to make sure you have a good lawyer in your corner - so that hopefully your ex has less of a chance of being able to be alone with your kids.
If you are having trouble sleeping or you are afraid he may come to harm you - have you thought about maybe living with a family member for a while, until this all gets sorted out? Living with someone might help you sleep and it will certainly make him think twice before he tries to do anything stupid - since there will be a witness in the house.

Answer 5

Take it from me, I have witnessed my mother being abused y my father for a lot of my childhood. YOU DO NOT WANT TO GIVE UP. He has controlled you and taken advantage of you and hurt you way too much to be let free. You dont want to live in fear..... The first thing I would suggest is to call the national domestic violence helpline (1-800-799-7233) they do help, Ive called them before for advice with my sister, in a similar situation. Also, I would get a PFA (protection from abuse) or restraining order against him. Next, think about the custody issue. They may be young now, but they will remember everything. Talk to them and consider getting them into therapy. I remember being 5 yrs old and seeing my dad stab a waterbed b/c he missed slashing my mom. The kids are victims too. But kudos to you for leaving. thats the best thing you couldve done. Because he has drug issues, I say you should apply for custody of the kids and find any sort of proof to help your case, a friend who can be a witness for you- anything.
Best of luck, I hope it all works out....

Answer 6

Report to the police or the court he is not complying with court ordered drug testing and is not taking the domestic violence classes. Make sure your lawyer is aware he is not in compliance. If he disregards court orders then he should be jailed in my opinion.Why isn't his past abusive behavior brought to the attention of child welfare or child protective services.They have a legal obligation to protect the children from this dangerous man. Don't give up and make sure someone listens to you. Threaten to take it to the media if necessary, I'm certain someone will listen then.Send letters to politicians at all levels and don't go away until you get justice.Good luck to you and your children.

Answer 7

You need to get a restraining order on him! Especially if he is abusive and your children and yourself are at risk!

You do not deserve to be treated this way - you have a right to feel comfortable in your own home.

I would speak to your lawyer or legal aid for some advice - there has to be a motion put in place to refuse visitations!

Answer 8

Pack you stuff and go into hiding. If he doesn't have visitation now, it would be a good time to run and hide from him. I feel sorry for you and your children having to put up with that kind of life. I don't know how something like that could have been only a misdemeanor. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

I live in a little town, and last year was almost on a jury where the guy blew away the mother of his children. He was found guilty, but that sure didn't help her.... did it??? He had had other violent encounters with her and other women with whom he had had other children... (Always wonder why women ever go to bed and have kids with guys like that, but.... that wasn't your question, was it??)
You need to stay out of his way, out of his life, maybe move....... And you need a better attorney..

Answer 10

I'm sorry you're having so many problems dealing with such an evil guy.... and your kids witnessed his abuse... unbelieveable.

If it were me, I'd get as far away from him as possible!!!! Move across country, to a different country, whatever it takes!!!

Find a sympathetic, but vicious lawyer who will give this guy the screws and then some...

I wish I could offer more advice!!!

Good Luck!

Aloha!