recent went through a very painful divorce, feel completely burnt out. i really need to regain my energy before starting to date again. i'm thinking maybe a good vacation would be nice, but i have never taken a vacation alone - is it going to feel weird going alone? anyone did something similar? any vacation ideas? other ideas?
(i dont want to visit friends as i know that the same divorce topic is going to come up.)
i'm just so tired of everything at this point... any ideas to help the recovery process?
thank you for reading.
2006-07-04 15:10:42 · 18 answers · asked by donewithschool 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you are not alone. be good to yourself..take care of yourself first or else you are not good for anyone else. I went to Canada for 4 days to be with best friend. One condition for the first day was that we didn't talk about the impending divorce. I also went to the woods and hiked alot. Still do, however, those first few weeks were very challenging and nature brought me a peace, a release and gave me a little exercise.
Check out divorcecare.com
(don't let the christian stuff scare you away...)
Last piece of advice: Allow yourself to grieve. It's natural to feel sad, angry, depressed, confused, hurt when you go through a divorce. Make a choice to not just "go" through it...."grow" through it. It sucks to here this but it's true....you will not always feel so bad....you will be alright..eventually...one day at a time.
Press on...you have my fullest support.
2006-07-04 15:18:31 · answer #1 · answered by answerb4midnight 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a good one! My husband of 13yrs had divorce papers delivered to me on our 13th aniversary! We both gave our lives to christ about four years earlier. At least I guess one of us did he was fakeing as usual. My point to this is. I have had to fight everyone and every source to keep my head above water for the last year and a half. I have some health problems and have no way of getting insurance or medications . It is a daily battle with the famous (RED TAPE) with health officials. But every day I tell myself how much better off I am without this selfish spoiled man child in my life! I am 52 he was 49 and wouldn't grow up even though he has a great job and a very large income. Which I did not get any benifit from it in the end. Money talks when it comes to lawyers so he walked away smileing and I am on food stamps and I smile every day. I get to wake up and experience whatever I feel like without a dominateing abusive husband. I see the world in COLOR now and thats what you need to do. Rediscover yourself or discover yourself for the first time. I refuse to waste a minute more of my life my kids and grandkids are in total shock at the new me I think. I may be old a little heavyer than at 21and parts are sagging while I sleep but what the heck everything still works for the most part. Have some fun I plan on going to the horse races with a man friend this weekend and actually just let things happen without thinking it to death! Good luck and get out there!
2006-07-05 00:55:05 · answer #2 · answered by strtovr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm thinking that what I need is a spa retreat or something to help me get myself on track. I've been divorced for a while, and broke up with my boyfriend after almost seven years at Christmastime. I haven't really researched any yet, because the finances aren't there right now, but I know they have women's retreats.
Even though I was justified in ending them, I know that I contributed to the evolution and de-evolution of my marriage and this recent relationship, and I need to heal myself and get rid of a lot of baggage.
My son's already telling me I need to find a new boyfriend - he's fifteen, you know how fickle they are! But I know that I first need to finish grieving for the failure of this relationship and the loss of the hopes and dreams that went along with it. And I also need to work on my own self-esteem and issues that go way back into childhood.
Until then, I know that I will not be able to succeed in a relationship - so to even try would not be fair to me or whatever guy I might meet. So as lonely as I may be, I have to do the right thing.
I wish you the best.
2006-07-04 22:26:00 · answer #3 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regarding a vacation, may I suggest that you take it in a more or less isolated way, avoiding places frequented by singles. It seems as if you need some quality time just for yourself to reflect and let things settle at bit. A camping trip might be a way to do this. Or a week at a spa in a section reserved for men. Be sure to let someone know where, when you're going and when you'll be back.
I've lived through two divorces (barely), but I think everybody reacts to it differently. I know my first hit me so hard that I didn't get over it for four years. It affected every relationship afterward. In ways, I'm still not over that marriage. My second divorce was a bit easier; love I had once had for my wife was sapped out of me by her faithless ways. I was ready to split and did when she voiced total lack of regard for me to total strangers. I couldn't get out quick enough and remarried in less than a year. Now I've had a long-term relationship with my third wife. So there is hope to get over heartbreak and find new love.
2006-07-05 03:48:26 · answer #4 · answered by Nightwriter21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down and write out everything that you liked about the marriage and everything you didn't. Then take that list and put down from that what you would want in a mate and what you wouldn't. Getting it out on paper will help with the getting over it. Then start hanging out with friends doing things you normally wouldn't do. The doing things alone part is what you have to master before dating again (to make sure you're dating for the right reasons). Then just look for a person that has alot of the good things from your list and NONE of the bad.
2006-07-04 22:20:43 · answer #5 · answered by 4me473 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been divorced for 10 years and I take a vacation every year by myself. It is nice to get away from everything and all the people that you know. You will be suprised how many new people you will meet. I keep my vacations simple. Ride motorcycle with tent and sleeping bag to the Duluth Minnesota area. Don't worry everything will be fine it just takes a little time.
2006-07-04 23:02:10 · answer #6 · answered by tw2251stst 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You actually have a good attitude ... I understand how people keep bring things up that you want to get past. It's like going to a funeral and for some reason, people keep saying the word "dead" in the presence of the deceased.
Go a head and go on that vaction. Do something nice for "you." Just a change of seeing the same old things will improve your mood. The fact that you want the complete change is good.
Go on! Have some fun! You might meet some new friends who share (other) interests that you have ... not implying the next star of your dreams ... just some new people to relate to.
It'll be good for you to check out your independance. Happy 4th!
2006-07-04 22:19:44 · answer #7 · answered by pickle head 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation--woke up one morning and impulsively booked myself on a trip to Costa Rica for the following week. I didn't have time to think about what I had done, and before I knew it I was on a flight, landing in a foreign country with minimal Spanish skills, and counting on only myself. The first night I was too scared to leave my hotel room, toyed with the idea of going home the next morning, but then I realized I was being ridiculous. I sucked it up and went out to check out the city. The trip was simultanously the most exhilirating and frightening thing I have ever done, but by the time the week was over, I was a changed person. I had experiences that lifted my spirits, boosted my flagging self-esteem, and best of all, I realized that I was strong enough, smart enough, and brave enough to handle just about anything, including my failing relationship. I strongly encourage you to push your limits and do something that will challenge you!
2006-07-04 22:30:54 · answer #8 · answered by besoseda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about it. I've been thru it myself. Not sure about any great ideas, but it seems like a person should just take their time and adjust to the new situation. I made the mistake of trying to date before I was ready, and I regret it now. Maybe a person needs to have some time alone to sort of 'get grounded' and become comfortable with who they are, before going out and dating again.
Oh yeah, on the 'alone' thing. I think it was kind of odd at first when I did things like go to a movie, but sometimes I have friends that go places with me.
2006-07-04 22:15:38 · answer #9 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the breakup was your former spouse's idea. Recovery is going to take some time. I'd go on a cruise and check out the singles. And do everything you can NOT to talk about the divorce. I was fine, oh, 20 months later when I met my amazing new wife.
2006-07-04 22:14:53 · answer #10 · answered by wmp55 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋