I just had a baby 3 months ago. My mom is a school teacher who has summers off. My husband works during the day and I stay home with the baby. My mom lives about an hour away. I like to go down there a couple times a month and stay for 2-3 days because she lives out in the country. It's more relaxing and fun for me than here in the city. Also she helps me take care of the baby so I can sleep in and catch up for all the sleep new mothers miss out on. I love my husband and I like to be around him, but I also like to spend time with my mom for the aforementioned reasons. Lately my husband has been getting mad at me and trying to make me feel guilty for going down to my mom's house. when I come home he is cold and distant. He pretty much ignores me for the next day or so which makes me just want to leave again. My first question is if there is anything wrong with spending 3-6 days a month at my mom's house, and what can I do to make him more understanding?
2006-07-04 13:13:47 · 19 answers · asked by BeccaBoo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's just that in a way you're sending a message to him that he is not providing enough of what you need and that makes him feel bad about his role as father and husband.
It's fine to WANT to spend time with Mom and have the whole three generations thing going, but this is a critical time in your married life, when your husband needs to feel re-affirmed in his importance level! You have the baby, you have Mom close by, what do you need him for? I know from the woman's perspective it might seem childish for him not to understand the reasonableness of you being able to spend time with family and catch up on the rest new mothers miss out on, but he has a right to want to feel needed, to feel desired.
Mom's feeling so helpful, how about Mom takes Baby for the weekend, and the two of you get away for some one on one love time.
You committed to him before the Baby, make sure you let him know that nothing is going to come between you!
Maybe a visit to Mom's by yourself every third month? Couldn't Mom come to your town and visit with the 3 of you?
Enjoy your precious little family, and wishes of only good luck, health and happiness in future - J
2006-07-04 13:17:14 · answer #1 · answered by sagebella 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I did the same thing. With both my babies. We are lucky to have moms that help out. But I did not make ny husband feel left out. I made sure he had plans for those exact days, so that he would have some fun time as well. I also brought him along to sleep in late at my mom's, left the babys with her, went out with him and had fabulous times.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be near your mom, since you are a new mom. There is so much to learn, so much to do. If he can not understand that, leave him with the baby and go shopping for two hours. He WILL understand after that.
2006-07-04 13:29:19 · answer #2 · answered by lidia s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are leaving him, taking a almost week a month of your relationship away from him, and jeopordizing seriously important bonding time with his child. You claim he is distant and cold but the way I see it is you are just as distant and cold, (like you're not even there!), I mean come on, what if he did this to you. You can't have it both ways, if you weren't ready to make the sacrifices it takes to be a mother, such as lack of sleep, why did you have the baby in the first place? Don't judge him, cause you are only being hypocritical!
2006-07-04 13:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may feel he doesn't get enough time with you now that the baby has come. Give him some time with just the two of you so he doesn't resent the baby for taking you away. Spend some family time with the three of you so he can learn to bond with the baby. It is great to keep in touch with your family. You need all the help you can get with a little one. Congratulations on the new arrival.
2006-07-04 13:17:06 · answer #4 · answered by noseygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay well being a new mom is a hard thing however I lived with my mom when I had my first child I loved being with her and that she was there to help but now that I think it over I wished I would have bonded with my bewborn more than just letting mom do everything.. This is the best time to bond with your baby and for him/ her know who is going to always be there. As for your husband do you really think its fair for him to miss out on being a new father. I say compromise maybe not go over as much and let your husband bond with baby too you know alot of dads don't spend as much time with newborns as we would like so I think you are a lucky lady to have a husband who wants too.
2006-07-04 13:20:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a family now. Focus on the 3 of you...you will be sorry!
Your husband is begging for attention and love. You should feel blessed to have such a man. Give him what he asks for...it is not healthy to spend too much time with your Mom right now. Your priorities should be this (in this order):
1. You
2.) Your Marriage
3.) Your Baby
4.) Your Mom
Good Luck!
2006-07-04 13:17:51 · answer #6 · answered by DoveDog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok to visit your Mom, but right now your husband needs you, he feeling very left out, with a new baby in the house. Its very common for new daddys. Maybe if you go visit Mom once every other month, Its tough with new babies and less sleep but you need to do it. And include Daddy let him get up with the baby on the weekends, he need to bond to
2006-07-04 13:19:47 · answer #7 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is being childish, and selfish....I just lost my mother this Febuary, its the hardest thing I have ever faced in my entire life..Anyway, men come and go, But you only have 1 mother,,,I have been married for 15 years, and I have always let my husband know that my parents come first, I love him with all my heart, but my parents are my heart. Its wrong for him to get mad because you spend time with your mother, he needs to grow up.
2006-07-04 13:31:21 · answer #8 · answered by bitchy_woman_yet_sweet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes and No. you love both of them and both of them love you but maybe you should only stay with you mom one or two day because you husband want to see you and the baby also
2006-07-04 13:22:27 · answer #9 · answered by andrea t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby is a tough time all around. Why don't you schedule some time separate with your husband. That might help!!! Try and make him more involved with the baby. Good Luck!!!
2006-07-04 13:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by winona e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋