how do you get over being sexually abused?

Question

i was sexually abused fom 8-11 and i dont feel all he way comfortable in a serious relationship with guys how can i get comfortables and in the first place should i.

Answer 1

I am so sorry this happened to you. I had the same problem as I was molested from before 2 years old until about 14 or 15 years old. I was also date raped at 18. Needless to say, I had major, major problems being comfortable with any guy. Being in this situation for so long growing up really messed me up and I ended up in a really bad relationship for 20 years. I had, during those 20 years, gone to counseling and support groups. I was also on anti-depressants for several years.

I found that doing the hard work I had to do during counseling and in the groups really helped. I found the groups by volunteering at the local women's shelter. They offered these groups and I went to them. I made some awesome friends that healed along with me. Some groups only go on for a certain amount of time; others go on and on for as long as you need them. Usually, from my experience, the ones that had a time limit had a workbook for you to work in and that everyone followed along with. It really helped me. I still have the workbook and when I need to, I look in it. During counseling and the groups, I learned how to spot users and abusers (I wish I had gone to these before meeting my ex husband), learned how to get my self-esteem, and learned to love myself enough NOT to allow anyone to mistreat me.

The trust part is the hardest, tho. We have been violated in so many ways that we don't really trust completely. I never fully opened up with my ex (of course, his abuse didn't help with that either). The last year I was with him, I broke myself away from him mentally and emotionally. It was hard as being a survivor, I tned to latch onto people and not let go so easily (and I do this too soon). Once I was able to do this, I got the money and moved away from him--for good. I have since met my one true love, my soul mate. He knows all about my abuse from growing up, the rape, and my ex. He is calm at all times, gentle, patient, loving, caring, respectful, and the most awesome guy I have ever known. :) We are now engaged and are living together. He is the first guy I could fully open up to and feel comfortable discussing my abuse with and crying in front of. That shows how trusting I am of him. Believe me, tho, this took a lot of time and patience on both our parts for me to trust him. I had been hurt for far too long and too badly to trust so easily again.

What I am trying to tell you is that you probably need to go to counseling. But, you have to be willing to fully open up while in there. If you are a female, get a female counselor. And only open up if you feel comfortable with this person. I have had some that I wasn't comfortable with and had to get someone else. That is your right to do that so that you can get the right help you need. I also suggest that you talk to your counselor or go to a local women's shelter and ask about groups for Adults Molested As children (at least that was the name of the group I went to). You will find a lot of support there. It will take lots and lots of work from you, hard work, but you can and will get to where you want and need to be--comfortable with yourself, with trusting others, and eventually being able to trust guys so you can have a relationship--a great one. But, I DON'T suggest you having a relationship with any guys until you are in the counseling and groups for quite awhile. Relationships take quite a bit of work and the counseling and groups will take a lot out of you too. Try to keep close friends near so you can talk when you need to. They may not fully understand, but it helps to talk about it, when you're ready.

This was NOT your fault so please don't blame yoursself. It was the abusers fault for perying on an innocent child. You may not ever 'get over' this, as you will never forget it, but you can learn how to deal with the abuse, the effects it has on your life, and with other people around you that may or may not know about it.

Good luck. E-mail me if you want to talk. I have been told that I am a good listener.

Answer 2

I would find a therapist in your area that specializes in treating sexual abuse, thats really essential considering what you've been through. You can do a search on the internet or look on craigslist which has therapist listings for different areas. Also there are some great books out there. One of the most famous and widely used ones I know about is called The Courage to Heal workbook. Just take a look on amazon.com, I'm sure you can get some of them from your library if you don't want to buy them. Good luck with everything.

Answer 3

i feel the same way i was sexually abused from 5-11 by an uncle. I don't think you ever really feel completely comfortale----but when you find that special person you become more comfortable. It takes time----you need to find someone who is truly supportive of you and let that person know how you feel even if its hard to tell them

hope this helped ya

take care

Answer 4

I have the same problem. It’s hard to let go because you don’t feel safe. I was raped when I was 7 and I still remember my attacker’s name. I’m afraid hat he will find me and attack me again. But I came to Christ after I changed schools and I found comfort there.

A good thing to do is make sure that when you’re with a guy you’re in a public place. A smart thing to do is to not make your relationships sexual just a dating relationship. Don’t let him get the idea that he could take advantage of you.

Answer 5

I have also been abused this way. I was molested in school by 3 separate students, one who tried to rape me in the school library and continued to molest me after it being reported. I had no justice and my parents were so ashamed of me that they wouldn't get me any help. I scrubbed my skin raw in the shower, sometimes when I had flashbacks the areas they touched or clawed at would burn. My relationships with guys, I got used, one held me hostage and abused me physically and raped me. One got me pregnant and left and was fighting with me over that issue. The guy I'm with now made me trust that not all guys are bad. I was having nightmares and night terrors the first month or two after moving in with him, I screamed and started crying in my sleep, I dug my nails deep into his arm during a dream and he was awake but it didn't phase him. He just stroked my hair and kissed my head talking to me until I calmed down in my sleep. Its possible for a guy to change everything, just be careful

Answer 6

I'm sorry such a horrible thing happened to you. If you are going to have a relationshipo, you will need to find a way to trust men. This might sound a little weird, but have you considered consulting a Shaman? They can help you heal your soul.
Best wishes

Answer 7

i guess just put other things that mean alot to you on your mind or do something,get out and fall in love with someone or speend time with the ones you love the most,i don't know what your going through,but i hope your doing ok.email me if you have any other problems,plz do

Answer 8

Hunny that is a question no one can awnser for you it has to come from with in that is where the process begins sure you can seek help but you have to want it and it will come from with in and i say it from experience sweet heart

Answer 9

get into a support group and go for there

Answer 10

I seriously feel sorry for you. That must have damaged you for life.