How do you get over a cheating spouse.I forgave him and we are going to counseling later this month?

Question

will i ever get over the lies and deceit.

Answer 1

I have also been through a cheating spouse which hurts beyond all belief and unless you experience it then you have no idea how it effects you. My spouse cheated on me four years ago, and I have a problem trusting because he has lied so much in the past; this is a natural defense mechanism because you do not want to make yourself vulnerable in having the same thing happen to you again and not be aware of it. You will find at times, when/if a red flag is given by him, that your mind will race to the worst possible scenario(s). However, it does get better with time and hopefully your trust will grow gradually over time if he is willing to build this trust. The bad thing about relationships is that they need both people give it their all to work; if one person decides to forget it or to do what they want to do then the relationship crumbles. These feelings that you have are there for a reason; you might be able over time to control the mistrust and the suspicion that you have toward him; however those who do not remember history (past mistakes) are doomed to repeat it. I hope everything works out for the best.

Answer 2

Only if you want to. If you are going to counseling, staying together for ANY reason other than living as a great couple, then hang it up. If you are staying in this relationship to punish him forever more, then HANG IT UP. The ONLY way to stop the distrust, the anger, the....whatever, is to ....well, STOP! Believe it or not, you are the one in control of your emotions, not your husband. He didn't create these feelings in you, you did. I know that is hard to accept...he may have given you reasons to go on this binge, but YOU are the one creating the emotions, you are the one making yourself miserable, NOT him. IF you want to stay with him , then put it down now. If you try to punish him, he will be gone in time. NO ONE will play whipping boy for long. So he was a bad boy. He already knows it. He has said he was sorry. Now, what you want him to do is to Undo it. Sorry, but it ain't gonna happen. So, you have to make it Unhappen, he can't do it. Start right now, believe what he says, turn your eyes to your own business and tell yourself, "OK, it happened, and it won't happen again. Believe it, it won't happen again." Now, if you cannot do this starting right now, then don't waste any money on therapy, don't waste one more second on the relationship, for you will destroy it given enough time and rope. Only you can make the changes that are necessary to be happy...so make them. Good luck.

Answer 3

Hopefully, your husband will start showing you that you can trust him again. You two have to talk and always be honest with each other and make the most out of counseling. You'll never trust him again if he doesn't show you that he can be trusted. Good luck, but don't give up your life for him if he isn't doing right.

Answer 4

The only hope you have is going to counseling. Good for you. It will leave it's mark forever, but, that doesn't mean you can't have some good times and have a very good life together. He needs to understand that if it ever happens again, you are gone! And you really have to be gone.

Answer 5

If you throw it back in his face, you have not forgiven him. Just remember that. In time it will get easier. You will have to trust him until he proves himself not trustworthy.