My son is fixing to be 20 years old. He recently moved in with his best friend and his new wife. They have been married for a bit over a year and have a small baby.
My son has admitted to me feelings for his friends wife siting "she got married for the wrong reasons to satisfy her dieing fathers wishes" and "we can complete eachothers sentences and that they have been talking about divorce for a while".
I explained that he is treading on dangerous water. He has since "hinted" that things are more serious than he previously confessed. Only now the bestfriend suspects and has asked my son to move out only his wife doesnt want him to leave. She has told my son that if he moves she will visit him daily to cook and clean for him.
I have advised my son to drop them completely and not make plans to be with her as he is doing now. He is planning on getting a place and being with her.
He needs to hear from others that he needs to move and drop any and all contact. ASAP!
2006-07-04 09:22:03 · 18 answers · asked by AccountableLady 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are correct the "other man" should stop all contact. I live by the golden rule :do unto others as you would have them do unto you/ Meaning that if the other man doesn't want the new girlfriend to do what he did. He needs to know that she came to him with no strings attached. ~Bon
2006-07-04 11:26:03 · answer #1 · answered by Bon Bon 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look at the situation from his point of view. The more you tell him its wrong to be with the lady he loves, the more exciting he is finding the situation. Dont you know its more exciting doing something your not allowed to do, especially for the youth. Let this ride along and accept the situation. Just stand by your son and see him through this hurdle. Either it will pass or blow up in his face. But you could do one thing, have a talk with the lady concerned and ask her whether she loves her husband or not. Ask her about what she is going to explain to her son once he grows up and starts asking questions about why and how his parents broke up.What is she going to say to her son. When she cant be loyal to the man she married, how can she be loyal to your son. One day when your son is older and a young handsome guy comes along she might do the same thing. All she wants is romance and a spark in life. She has lost the spark with her husband. But all said and done just let it ride after talking with her.
2006-07-17 16:02:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have told your son all the right things. Problem is at 20 years old, he thinks he is in love. He will have to find out for himself that what he is doing is wrong. He will also find out she is not the great person he thinks she is. If she has a baby and a husband she was not right to start a relationship with your son. I don't care why she got married, she needed to end that relationship prior to starting a new one. You son will make his mistakes and hopefully learn from them. He will find out that he is not the honorable person he thought he was and will have to deal with self incrimination. About the girl, there is nothing you can do, she will move in with your son (most likely) and then move on to yet another man. The relationship will not last, don't stress.
2006-07-11 08:50:24 · answer #3 · answered by jodi M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he needs to hear from other, here goes.
Listen to your mother, she is right in everything she has said to you. You are "treading on dangerous water," and you should "move and drop any and all contact ASAP."
I am a mother of three sons and I would give them the same advice. I would also ask, is she worth all this mess?
PS: Show some respect for your friend.
2006-07-17 14:26:25 · answer #4 · answered by Cricket 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes the friendshould leave so that the couple can work out things in the marriage or the son should tell the best friend how he feels.
2006-07-17 14:41:53 · answer #5 · answered by Cute 7Diva 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why boys should never get married until they are considered to be a 'MAN.' Likewise a girl shouldn't marry until she considers herself to be a 'WOMAN.' Don't you people know in the end the kids you bring up into the world are the ones who are going to suffer--not being able to experience a happy, healthy family with two loving parents who get along?
Your son is obviously only a boy--he has no business being married and raising kids. He has no backbone and can't even decide for himself!
2006-07-17 06:39:54 · answer #6 · answered by the_memory_of_ashes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with everything you've said to your son, and would probably say the samething to my son if I had one... the couple should try to work it out or split up on their own....
but you can't make your son do anything he doesn't want to do - even if you get 20 people on here to back you up.... all you can do is tell him how you feel and what may or may not happen and then leave the rest to him.
He's your son, if you've raised him right and trust him, then trust him - who knows, once you know everything, it may have been your influence that help him come to this decision....
Good Luck!
Aloha!
2006-07-04 09:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes out of respect for their marriage your son needs to get out of the way , if it still falls apart on its own then so be it, and then later they can possibly get together.. but if he stays she could later on resent him, and the child would always look at him as the reason mommy and daddy broke up.... not to say what it will do to his friendship .. You as his mother need not only to teach him to respect his own marriage vows when that time comes but to also respect those vows taken by others.. because if he has such little respect for the vows of other how on earth will he respect the vows he takes one day.. If he truely loves her, then he needs to back off .. if not he could be in a world of hurt.. how many times have we seen in life, people falling in love with a married man or woman.. and wait forever for them to leave their spouse yet they always have a reason to stay....
2006-07-04 10:00:19 · answer #8 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple your son has committed adultery. He has put in jeopardy the security of a baby because now his parents are splitting up. He has caused a man to distrust his wife. He has basically torn apart a family. He had no business moving in with this couple and has no business allowing her to move in with him. He needs to walk away and put it behind him. He has shamed himself and his family.
2006-07-15 07:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all how can he do this to his best friends.Second of all if she has a baby from that man then how can she not like her husband .You only sleep with a man if you have feelings for him.If she says that her marriage is justa compromise then what is the child in their marrige doing.Tell your son she is either confused herself or playing games.BEWARE.Ask him to move out from there immediately
2006-07-14 21:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you....
The marriage vow is sacred, and should be respected no matter the reason it was made.
First- what kind of friend is he to sleep with his "best friend's" wife??
Your son needs to move out, let them figure out where their marriage is going.
If a divorce happens, THEN he can hook up with her again... is he ok with being a father? is he ok with possibly loosing his best friend?
If they reconcile, then he needs to respect their commitment. Period! and NEVER be alone with her again!!
2006-07-04 09:37:58 · answer #11 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋