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It's probably a stupid question but I don't know the answer to it so... I'm a married woman. Been married for about 9 months. I love my husband but I am IN love and have never stopped being IN love with my first love. Him and I had an off and on relationship for the past five years til finally i had enough and got married to my current husband. The problem is that I still keep in contact with my first love. We talk all the time and he knows that I love him and i know that he loves me. We are both determined to not have an affair but, is it still cheating despite the fact that we have not had a sexual relationship? My husband knows that i'm still in love with my ex.

2006-07-04 07:42:46 · 12 answers · asked by emmie 2 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

12 answers

lusting after someone other than your husband is cheating. in the end you will probably find that things with your husband won't work out. you will both come to resent each other. marriage is hard enough even when you actually love each other. be fair to yourself and your husband.

2006-07-04 07:51:03 · answer #1 · answered by aj607 3 · 0 0

Not really you have a right to your private thoughts. But if your husband knows you still love this guy it will eventually cause some problems. What if he decides at a later date that he loves someone else. He has a right to a secure future with you. If he knows you still love this man it can't help but make him feel a little insecure. My theory has been that what goes around comes around. It would be best if you could find a way to forget this man. You were not able to marry him after five years of being together. That tells me something was bad wrong. My thoughts are that this guy was either not committed or he had some real problems.

2006-07-04 07:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0 0

3 in a marriage are far too crowded.
Yes, you 'cheat' yourself to justify your action to be okay.


Ask yourself..am I being realistic and fair to both men here? In this case, the answer is you are not if you ask me! You allow your past relationship 'haunting' your present relationship. You husband might be okay but knowing men, how long he would be able to take it? I am afraid that one of these days your husband will throw his hands up in the air and say" Fine....I am leaving and you go back to your old flame" or " ..well, if you could do it so am I". Even he said he is okay with it but hey nobody wants to be a second best.
You have to start move on. Your ex is 'playing' with your emotion and memory. This is just a distraction! He might not ready to leave you and you are not ready to get it over because why? Because it is natural if you had relationship, you shared feelings with each other but life goes on. You could not hold onto the past to move forward. You have to cut it even it is hard and painful. What could you do with memories anyways? You told in your posting that you had an in-off relationship. Why? Because your ex were unsure about you when u had him and he is just not that into you!
Both of you and ex arent meant to be with each other. If he wanted you and long ago he would make fully commitment with you. Thats why you move on and get married. Ask your ex not to contact you again and ask him to get a life!
Why not move on and start with your new love life. Why bother with what you dont have instead, try appreciating what you already have!

2006-07-04 08:11:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You need to stop talking to this man before your marriage is disenigrated completely. You both are not going to be able to hold off for much longer before you both give in and end up cheating. No its not cheating yet but you need to say goodbye and end this chapter of your life. If you can't, then you need to say goodbye to your husband and be with this first love. Before you do this, you need to ask yourself..."Is this the person who I want to spend my life with and is it going to be one of those off and on relationships that went on for 5 years. Is it worth the risk since your husband loves you. Think about how much pain your husband is in knowing full well that you still love this guy and you have thoughts about and you talk to him. Stop and think about someone elses feelings to. I hope you find the happiness that you are looking for.

2006-07-04 07:54:39 · answer #4 · answered by Barb 2 · 0 0

my dear, u got to chose between the two guys.since u r married to this guy try and be faithful to him cos marriage is for keeps.u r not having an affair now but it will not take much time for u to get carried away.satan is always lurking around to tempt us.if u value ur marriage stay away from ur old flame and start afresh before it is too late.ur one mistake could cause u a lifetime of suffering. so beware.no matter how innocent it looks now.

2006-07-04 07:56:09 · answer #5 · answered by natasha 2 · 0 0

ofcourse you are cheating.having casual sex is dirty but giving someone else your heart while you are still married is cheating. you are cheating your husband and yourself. choose between one of them now. if you really love your husband then get far away from your boyfriend. and if you love your boyfriend then get a divorce. there is no easy way out. you cant be on two boats at the same time.

2006-07-04 07:53:06 · answer #6 · answered by atahsina 5 · 0 0

Well, if your husbadn knows and you are not having sexual relations, I say it's not cheating ( in the general since anyways). You are cheating yourself and your husband of having a truely loving relationship with someone who truely loves you both back!!

2006-07-04 07:52:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

do u know wat a marraige is? u must hav been married in front f sum god.n u both must hav promised 2 b loyal n trustworthy 4 each other.
plz try 2 respect this rel.marraige z believed 2 b sacred don't spoil it in ur thurst.don't give disrespect this auspicious knot.
i know its hard 2 4get the first luv bt its not impossible. n u know lady z made by god in such a way that nothing z impossible 4 her.
choice z in ur hand.

2006-07-04 07:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by neetima_agg 1 · 0 0

if your husband knows then the big question is do u love him at all.becauseif u dont then its not fair to string him along .what would you do if the shoe was on the other foot?

2006-07-04 07:52:54 · answer #9 · answered by marfanman00000 5 · 0 0

maybe your husband will understand, even if u have never touched him, just wanting him is kinda cheating

2006-07-04 07:47:33 · answer #10 · answered by sesso*E 4 · 0 0

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