I have been with the same man for 7 yrs. I cook, clean, take care of the kids (mine) do yard work, work 40 hours+ a wk and it still isn't enough. Anytime I do anything (work cookout, b-day parties) he gets mad. He says I should not do anything unless everything at the house is completely finished first. He does pay all the bills and I buy groceries but he makes alot more than I do. He acts like because he pays the bills I should not have a problem doing everything else by myself. H e won't even take out trash unless I ask him. I am 5'6" and 150 - 155 lbs and he says if I cared about what he thought of me I would get in shape. Even said that he might want to take me out if I got in shape. I am not perfect, I do let the laundry back up now and again and I hate to mow the grass but does that really make me a horrible person? He finally agreed to counseling but only if it was free!! (Yeah right, free counseling, that **** is expensive) There is too much to
2006-07-04 07:07:39 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Two words - emotional abuse.
You're allowing him to take full control of your life based on financial dependance. He makes comments designed to lower your self-esteem so you'll be "grateful" to have him in your life. And ... since when does housework ever get FINISHED?????
Find the courage to make yourself and your kids happy before the remainder of your life passes you by. Your kids have to be feeling the effects of this stress. Feel free to E-mail me if you need a friendly shoulder. I was in your situation and broke free of it.
2006-07-04 07:14:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you there???? Listen.. you need a man that is going to lift you up and encourage you, help you and understand you. Looks like, he doesn't have a damn clue. It's because you're there and he knows you'll never go and you already to it all so (on his part) why not stay and live like a King because the queen will always be there to clean up after me. Men seem to think that working a 8 hour day is all that is required. Damn lazy if you ask me. And the getting in shape thing, tell him that you're happy with yourself and if he won;t take you out, find some girlfriends or someone else to take you. See if that doesn't get him hyped up. Remember, there's alot more to life than cooking, cleaning and washing his dirty underwear you know!
2006-07-17 10:05:28 · answer #2 · answered by hot chocolate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound just like me... See if this sounds familiar... Your friends (what you have left) tell you your too good for him that you are an enabler, and you do way too much. Ive been seperated from this man for going on two years now and I can honestly tell you that while I do still love him I just plain have this overwhelming feeling of being able to breath... You see I think only you and I and a few others like us, seem to want and desire that feeling of being needed and making other people happy instead of ourselves. Who cares if he pays all the bills and you only buy groceries or if you happen to weigh 150lbs (which by the way is average and healthy for your height) Do you honestly think that someone who supposedly loves you will critisize the way you look?! I also hate to mow and can tell you from experience that even counseling wont work being paid for or free not because I dont believe in it but because someone with his mind set wont believe that he could possibly be wrong in something. If you ever care to talk any further and believe me I think together we could probably write a book. lol you can e-mail me at charchar1268@hotmail.com I would love to discuss both of our situations sometime to see If we could help each other out. Good Luck on your quest and please dont feel bad about yourself and remember your not alone!!
2006-07-04 07:21:22 · answer #3 · answered by charmaineannette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my God no. You are not a horrible person. He is the horrible person. I would never put up with what you are. He either needs to get off his dead *** and help or I'd leave him. You deserve better,and some where out there is a better man. Don't let him take away your self-esteem. If he doesn't love you the way you are then I don't believe he truly loves you. There is no man in this world worth crying over.
2006-07-16 12:30:59 · answer #4 · answered by piperhound 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that realy does suck and I have no good answer for that. I do not that if he loved and respected you, he would not treat and speak to you in such a manner. This unfortunately can be quite common. Counseling would be a good idea but yes, it is hard to find it for free. Not inpossible though. Sometimes schools and universities may offer free or discounted sessions for their upper graduates to do the internships and such. Might check around. Not knowing him well enough I would be hesitant to give you too much advice on what to do. Either way though, he should eccept you for who you are and what you do. I wish I could have been more help.
2006-07-04 07:12:33 · answer #5 · answered by Sovereign 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think that you need to get out of that relationship because that man is using you. and if y'all are not married then you really need to leave. just because he pays the bills doesn't mean he don't have to do anything else around the house. and don't let him tell you u are not small enough for him to take you out , that is like saying he is ashamed of you, you are not that big 150-155 pounds is not big or 160-175 pounds are not big well it do depends on if you are short or not. but still don't let that man run over you and if he is hitting you you need to stand up for yourself and hit back or leave don't let him ruin your life or your kids life
2006-07-04 07:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by divapoopylou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like my husband to some degree. My husband will help out, but whatever I do it's never enough. I really think the controlling, picky behavior indicates that there is something else wrong in the marriage. I don't know what, b/c if I did I wouldn't be contemplating divorce.
2006-07-18 15:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by hrmom02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should let yourself be brought down by a man of such low thinking.....I don't work at all, Home maker, my husband pays all the bills and encourges me to get involved in other aspects of life than just house work. I think you know what you need to do, your just a little afraid of what may happen to you. If you have a good support group, friends or family, I would leave and let him see just how good he had it with you hun!
2006-07-04 07:39:21 · answer #8 · answered by Home Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby girl It seems to me he is the one with the issues.He is the one with low self-esteem. And your the one he can take it out on because most women let their so called husband let them.Try talking to him abut this and if he is to stuborn find you a place to go for a couple of days and hopefully he'll get the message.But play it safe.I am 5'7 and barley weigh 100 pounds. I try to gain weight because I believe big is beautiful.And trust me 150 isn't that big.I would love to weigh that.
2006-07-04 07:18:15 · answer #9 · answered by dnslndsy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should keep track of how much you do at home and after 8 hours of work there a day be done, and if he cared about you he would not belittle you about your weight...you need time to be your true self w/o kids or him. The best mom is a mom that puts herself first and is happy, this will reflect on the kids.
2006-07-04 07:15:26 · answer #10 · answered by migurl48706 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your counselor you want to focus on division of labor and respect issues. These are common problems and something a skilled counselor should be able to assist with. There are some counseling places that will work on a sliding scale so it won't cost as much.
Good luck.
2006-07-04 07:13:48 · answer #11 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋