my boyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs... he is a professional musician and very serious about his music.. he plays guitar day and night.. wich im totally cool with...... the problem is this... i am about to be 36 and he has decided that having childeren is not for him... ummm, im wanting a family.. know what i mean? i dont want him to stop playing or touring. we love eachother but we argue (wich im sure is normal) but the fact that he doesnt want kids and i do.. is that enough that i should move on????
2006-07-04 07:04:40 · 14 answers · asked by helloitsme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i wouldn't want to have kids with him, if thats not what he wants.
2006-07-04 07:17:27 · update #1
Ouch! I don't know what your decision should be, but I can give you my experience: I am male, 61, on my 4th marriage (and last one, finally). I was happy not to be "burdened" with children when my first two marriages failed, then tried to adopt the children of my third wife but was too late in their lives. I did adopt
the children of my present wife and we have lived happily ever after. I am their dad and it feels like I always have been. It is enough, but some days I do wonder what it would have been like.
Here is another angle to consider: You may risk the alarm on your biological clock while waiting for the perfect husband and potential father to show up. Then again, when he does show up he may already have a few kids of his own as part of the package. I think your real question should be: Do I want the experience of giving birth to a child, or would it be enough to be "just" a mother? And based on that answer you might be able to give yourself more time to stay with your lover while you search for the best answer to your "stay or go" question. You can be certain of one thing, though: Either decision will bring you pain and joy. You alone can decide which is the least hurtful. And in the end, only you are responsible for your happiness. Do what you need, whatever that is. Blessings.
2006-07-06 13:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by corsair24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's at least been honest enough to tell you that he doesn't want children...you don't say whether this was a quick decision, or whether he's been thinking about it for a while. It very well could be that he thinks that if you would have a child, then he would have to give up his music and "settle down" with a mortgage, two cars, etc.
Talk to him about this and reaffirm that you don't want him to give up playing and touring. BUT--be sure that you indeed DO want him to continue---raising children with the father at home is hard enough, so to have him away from home a majority of the time could present a problem....
If he says that he still doesn't want children, don't argue and nag over it. If you are really certain that you want to have children, you're with the wrong guy. Then, move on.
2006-07-04 07:21:50 · answer #2 · answered by wvmamaquack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have quite a dilemma on your hands - moving on and finding someone that you love enough to raise a family with is not easy. If you left him today you'd be lucky to be a Mom with the right man by 40 which means you're teaching them how to drive when you're knocking on 60.
And even if he changed his mind tomorrow, his schedule is not geared for being a daddy at all - you'd pretty much be a single parent.
I hate to say it but I think you asked this question about 5 years too late. If you really love him, I'd vote for no kids.
2006-07-04 08:13:18 · answer #3 · answered by jerryg1212 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not sure how the music plays into your question, however here are my thoughts.
Do you love him enough to sacrifice not having children and be content with your life? If not then you need to make that hard decision to start living for your long term goals which may not include him.
It could cause a change of heart on his part if he knew how important having children are to you however don't figure that as part of the equation otherwise you won't be able to move on.
Good Luck!!
2006-07-04 07:25:49 · answer #4 · answered by sfs_onfridays 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely! You need to find a man that loves you, and wants to have a family with you. You will hate yourself later if you never have kids, and always wanted them. He's not a bad guy, you're just not "compatible". You want kids, he doesn't, therefore , you're incompatible. Your biological clock is ticking, so if you want kids, make up your mind, then move on. It will take a while to find a man that you will want to marry and have kids with,so time is important. Best of Luck to you!
2006-07-04 07:16:45 · answer #5 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If children is very important to you, then yes, you may have to leave him. It sucks but you have to also do what is go to fulfill your life. If he cannot help fulfill your hopes and dreams, then he likely not the one for you. There are many men out there that would adore having children. It is scary moving on but you need to decide what is more important to you. Good luck :)
2006-07-04 07:19:02 · answer #6 · answered by Sovereign 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
love is great,but having a nice family with love and kid is greater,so if you really need kids and he doesn't and you're in love with him first try as hard as you can convincing him,if he still insist after all you'll have all the rights to move on searching for a family of your dreams,don't give up that idea=kids=
2006-07-04 07:18:41 · answer #7 · answered by sigmastar _62 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, it is enough to move on. Having children is a huge part of some of our lives. If you want them you want them, and if he doesn't, he doesn't. There's no changing his mind down the road, and there really is no compromise for having a family vs. not having one.
2006-07-04 07:25:11 · answer #8 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can stay or go and you know how you'll feel either way. How do you want to feel?......that's the question, and only you can answer that. Personally, I'd stay and get a puppy. Spoil your nieces and nephews.
2006-07-04 13:12:04 · answer #9 · answered by folklore 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids wow that's a very big step . But ask your self if thing's don't work out with you & him would a kid be such a good idea?
2006-07-04 07:13:32 · answer #10 · answered by K-SOLO 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋