I have been with the same man for 7 yrs. I cook, clean, take care of the kids (mine) do yard work, work 40 hours= a wk and it still isn't enough. Anytime I do anything (work cookout, b-day parties) he gets mad. He says I should not do anything unless everything at the house is completely finished first. He does pay all the bills and I buy groceries but he makes alot more than I do. He acts like because he pays the bills I should not have a problem doing everything else by myself. H e won't even take out trash unless I ask him. I am 5'6" and 150 - 155 lbs and he says if I cared about what he thought of me I would get in shape. Even said that he might want to take me out if I got in shape. I am not perfect, I do let the laundry back up now and again and I hate to mow the grass but does that really make me a horrible person? He finally agreed to counseling but only if it was free!! (Yeah right, free counseling, that **** is expensive) There is too much to post please help!!!!!
2006-07-04 07:02:12 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Hi ! I believe you have to think very carefully about what exactly you want to do with your life. Ask youself this questions: Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this man? Does he deserve that I am with him? ( in other words "Does he deserve me?" According to what you are saying, it seems that you do eveything for him and what do you get back? that he pays the bills? Big Deal !!! and the most important thing: NEVER LET HIM HURT YOUR SELF ESTEEM !!! I am sure you are a great beautiful woman and you don't deserve to be treated like that by any pig.
I am going to give you another advice that helped me tremendously in my own life. It's a book by Susan Forward, it's called "Men that hate woman and woman that keep loving them" It's a must read for any woman, it doesn't matter if you are phisically or emotionally abused or you are not. Believe me, please read it and you will see how much sense it makes. and please, write me back later on to see what you thought about it.
Never forget that you are worth sooo much, and don't ever let anybody to mess with your self esteem, respect, dignity and confidence in yourself. Good luck !
2006-07-04 21:57:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds tough.
Truth is the relationship does not feel healthy to both of you, but mostly you. A behavior/ habit is hard to break and he has being doing this for 7yrs. His behavior now would be a better predictor of the future. Now you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want in your life and your kids life. He is believe it or not also having some effect on your kids indirectly.
It may yet be the time when you stand up for yourself and make demands of certain standards towards him. He may have to go to some sort of couples counselling or learn to have to appreciate you better.
If this is not done things may get very bad; this is something that you have to act fast upon.
Good luck.
2006-07-04 14:41:57 · answer #2 · answered by OJ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmnnn,
You and husband play 2 typical role here without admitting - leader vs follower.
However I will tell you, counselling might not help you guys either if one of you(especially husband) isnt ready to give up, change or commit. You could try. The money might well spend on vacation or for kids. At the end, you waste your money for none!
Here, the communication is the key. Talk to him nicely about what you feel and when he is ready to listen and in good mood. I presume especially after 7 years you have done with talking about this, right? Your issue is merely commitment and fullfillment. You feel like you are just 'slave' in your house. Men are difficult to change. However, the only situation at this point is either you go to work or leave him. If you still love him..i have nothing to say except be in marriage or work- be your own banker. Either tell him to change/threathen that you could not take it anymore and try to find your self-worth by working. It is not about the trash, making cheesecake, being plus-size wife or it is not about cutting the lawn. Your problem is about FULLFILLMENT and his problem- CONTROLLING!
Only you could change you. Why? ...because he wont! Do you think he would change after 7 years of marriage? You deserve to be be happy, respected and appreciated.
2006-07-04 14:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have a guy that likes being in total control of your life. there is always more to life than being told how to live it. your man is emotionally abusing you and if you can't find a way to work with him in changing things so that you're more of a compromising couple, i say your better off with someone who is less " my way or the highway ". good luck, hon
2006-07-04 14:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by lgoins29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know something all i can say is he is just blind to see the person you are.once upon a time i was superficial and looks, style and shape bothered me lots.i'm very much sure i can pick and get whoever i wan if i wan to.but it hit me hard wen it turned against me.we love someone for who they are nt for who we wan them to be.i pray for you and i hope that all turns out well for you.i m sorry.
2006-07-04 14:10:47 · answer #5 · answered by sanj 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like someone you will never be able to please. I know it isnt easy but I'd get out...you sound so unhappy and so does he
2006-07-04 14:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by ms_yummy1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lose the prick and find somone who loves you the way you are
2006-07-04 14:07:40 · answer #7 · answered by melissa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋