My friend of 17 years just contacted me and informed me that his wife passed away yesterday, she was 37. I haven't seen her in quite awhile but I did know her fairly well. I know he needs compassion right now but when I approach him, I dont' want to do or say the wrong thing. Any advice would be appreciated.
2006-07-04 06:42:43 · 7 answers · asked by Garrett 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Just keep it simple and from the heart. It is always appropriate to say, "I am so sorry for your loss. What do you need from me?" (If he says "Nothing," which he probably will," you say, " Well, I really want you to know that I am here if you need anything.") You might want to ask him if he wants you to come over. Then the conversation will just happen. Be really simple and brief in your speech, and just react intuitively to his lead, and try to resist getting too chatty or talking about random things just for the sake of talking, because that can tire anyone out. Good luck...
2006-07-04 06:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by e.estlinz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He already approached you, he contacted you. You don't have to approach him, just be yourself. Go to him just like you would have on a normal day. He wants to have someone around that may take his mind away from the pain he feels, maybe, who knows, that's the reason he contacted you. He knows you did not really know her, he wants you to be there to talk with and remember things with. Not necessarily about his wife right now. No one wants to be alone when a loved one dies, or even have people around them that keeps crying on them. He wants someone he knows that really did not know his wife. He knows you'll not only talk about the death , but would console him with other things. Go to him, be yourself, nothing anyone says here, is going to make you feel any better. It's a start that you do feel for your friend, so just be yourself, he'll know just how you feel. You don't even have to say much, just being there for him is really what he mostly needs, you can do it!!!
2006-07-04 07:15:10 · answer #2 · answered by island1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he just needs a friend. You didn't say whether or not you are male or female, if you are married or not or if you have had any interest in him.
If this man and woman was just a friend of yours, then you just need to be there for him. Take him a home cooked meal, let him know that you are there for him if he ever needs someone to talk to. If he brings up things about his wife, then talk to him about her, the fun times you all had together. He may not be ready for that though quite yet. Just play it by ear. You can invite him to dinner or to your house, just mainly let him know that he is not alone and you are there for him. It is going to take him some time to get over his loss so just be there for those bad days he will have.
2006-07-04 06:51:20 · answer #3 · answered by funnyface53 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By starting off with, "I know I haven't been in your life alot lately, but I did know so-and-so fairly well and she was ... " trust me. When someone dies that you love you REALLY find out who your friends are. Everyone I knew stayed away in droves. I don't know if it was because they didn't know what to say or because they too we're greiving, but it made me feel like, not only had I lost the person I loved but almost all of my friends too. Most of our friends that had moved away were the ones who wrote or called much to my shock and pleasure. It was nice to share stories and catch up.
Trust me, you'll be doing him a favor he'll remember for a long, long time.
2006-07-04 06:54:24 · answer #4 · answered by AdamKadmon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is really a friend, then why is it awkward? Just speak the truth - what you feel... that you're really sorry for what he's going thru right now... that this sucks... that she's once told you that what she loved the most about him was... If he needs to talk, then listen. If he needs some "normal" for a minute, then act like you've always acted w/ him; just be his friend. He hasn't changed. His situation has, but he hasn't.
2006-07-04 06:54:46 · answer #5 · answered by Kitten2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You walk as a lot as him contained in the hall once you've a destroy between instructions and in a polite way tell him you want his telephone variety. "i'd opt to have your telephone variety" sounds extra assertive than, "am i able to have your telephone variety?" Make eye contact, too. and do not commence doing that element that some women do the position you commence texting him nonstop, many men discover that stressful. in case you want to have a communication with him, use your voice, on a telephone.
2016-10-14 02:58:05 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being compassionate may not be your gift and know that its ok...be there for him the best you can, if you cant think of anything to say, dont say anything. you can definitely make the situation worse... sometimes silence speaks the loudest!
2006-07-04 06:51:05 · answer #7 · answered by heresthedeal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋