shoud if forgive him or should i send him to Jail for molesting me?

Question

i am now 13. my dad and i have never had a good relationship. he molested me since i was 8 until the age of 11 or 12. the bible says that i should forgive and forget but it is so hard when my mother knows and still hasnt left him and dosnt plan on it and also because of the ways he use to treat me and beat me to the point where i have back pains daily now. i am very mature for my age and i find it hard to turst anyone i have the mind of a 20 now. so i have two questions should i forgive my mom for not doing anything and staying with him and should i forgive my dad or send his a$$ to Jail.

Answer 1

Sound like you don't have two parents. They have not earned the respect of being called mother and father. Rather egg donor and sperm donor.

Before you make any decisions you should make sure you have a strong support system of other family, friends, or church group. Your mother is just as guilty, if not more because she allowed it to happen. He should be held accountable for his actions. Even more than that,standing up for yourself and doing what is right will give you backbone and help you not to make decisions out of the weaker part of yourself in the future.

Be forewarned there will be consequences as some people will be upset with you, but it is worth it in the end and a necessary part of healing from the situation.Talking to a school counselor may be a good starting point.

You have the opportunity to make sure he never does this to another child, maybe even a neighbor, again. When you get older and have children of your own one day never leave them alone with either one of your parents, since neither one are capable of putting the welfare of a child first.

You can do it, you sound strong enough.

Answer 2

You can forgive your father and *still* have him arrested or tried for what he has done. This is known as letting people suffer the consequences of their own actions. You can love someone and not resent them while you are standing up for your rights--and it is your right, in this country, not to be molested. Molestation is a crime.

Jesus forgave people of their sins, but he did not represent them in court. There is a big difference between your forgiveness and your father's personal consequences. Do not confuse the two.

As for your mom, you can work on forgiving your mom ... but this will probably take time. Is there a way you can see a therapist so you have somewhere safe to go to work through this stuff? Chances are, you have a lot of anger stored up inside, and getting that anger out is the first step to forgiveness (probably). It's best to release anger in a safe place and with someone who can help you process it.

Regarding your trust issues--you can also work on learning who and how to trust, and who not to trust. Some people are trustworthy; others are not. Just because these two people in your life betrayed you doesn't mean everyone will. But it is essential that you learn how to distinguish between a person who has your best interests at heart and a person who wants to use and abuse you.

On the point of feeling twenty ... that's just the way it goes. People who are subjected to abuse like you tend to "grow up" faster. The problem is that while their intellect and awareness mature, their emotions often get stunted. This is another reason why therapy--with a good, competent therapist--would be very helpful to you, so you can learn how to mature emotionally as well.

Answer 3

Tough questions, which have no easy answers. Legally, you have the obligation to report abuse and molestation. Legally, so does your mother. If she doesn't, she then becomes an accessory to the crime, which is exactly what it is.
Morally, you have to do what's best for you. If you have options on where to live, who to live with, how to spend the rest of your teenage years, then I'd throw the degenerate in jail. He does not deserve to be a part of this society. Your mother doesn't deserve forgiveness, she deserves pity, because she's as much a victim as you. And while you're throwing things, throw that Bible out, too. It has obviously ruined your ability to think for yourself.

Always remember: the only person in your life who is ever going to have your best interests at heart is you. Everyone else is thinking of themselves first. Any thought of you will be tainted by that.
Not a criticism, just a fact

Good luck

Answer 4

You're a good person. Remember that there's also a limit on how good you can be. Sometimes you have to stop being good only temporarily, when your goodness is helping others take advantage of you and be evil. You would never do that to your kid, right? Because it's evil. But also you wouldn't allow someone to do that to his kids, because you would be helping an evil act. This is true.
You will see that you can do both things: forgive your dad, forgive your mom, but still send his a$$ to jail so at least you can have a few years without the pain in the a$$ of having him around making your life miserable.
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You can forgive him, but make sure the law doesn't.

Answer 5

Boy you are in a real mess, and yes you do sound very mature for your age, I guess you have to be. First of all, no I wouldn't forgive your mother for letting your father do this to you. She has no respect for you or for herself and she needs help herself. AS for your father, of course you should turn him in to the police. No father should ever be allowed to molest their child or anyone else. By turning him in, you may not only be helping yourself but you may be helping other children he might be doing this to. This will be hard for you because I'm sure your mother will most likely side with him so make plans ahead of time, if you have a relative you can move in with, then talk to them and get things set up, if not find someone that will take you in before you go to court so you won't get stuck in foster care. Of course even if this were to happen you would be better off. Talk to your school counselor and call child protective services to get the ball rolling. I wish you good luck, it isn't you, it's your mother and father that are doing wrong.

Answer 6

What happened to you is really terrible. Send him to jail and protect yourself and other kids. Once you're out of the house he may start preying on other young kids. I think you would feel even worse if he made another kid feel the way you do and you had a chance to do something about it. It is awefull that your mother chooses him over you. You would think that your mother would be a protector. Is there a womens crisis centre in your area that you can call?

http://www.youthforyouth.org/reportabuse.html

You can let society judge him and still forgive him, but for goodness sake make sure you are safe and think of the safetly of others.

I am really sorry that this happened to you but you will make it through.

Answer 7

Sending him to jail to help protect yourself and others has little to do with forgiving him. Just because you decide to forgive him (if you do) does not mean he should not have to suffer the consequences of his actions, so those are two completely different things. I recommend that you report him to the police, he may not end up going to jail or he may, but it may help you. Please be aware though that it could make you mother very angry with you, so be prepared for what may come if you decide to go through with it.
I am speaking from experience here, I still have not completely forgive my mother for not preventing the rape and molestation that I endured at the hands of her son.
I hope things work out for you, which ever route you decide to take, just be sure to protect yourself. Do whatever will be the best for you. I sure hope you have an adult in your life that you can trust and relay on.
Please email me if you need to talk: [e-mail]

Answer 8

I know exactly what your going through, i was molested when i was 14 and it went on for 2 years, it wasn't my dad, a family friend, my mother never knew, until 2 months ago. Do you want to relive everything by testifying in court? I didn't so i didn't prosecute, besides mine happened over 10 years ago, people will say to turn him in so he doesn't do it to someone else, and I agree, but you have to think of how this is going to effect you, is it going to interfere with the relationship between you and your mother? I think she should have turned him in, I know you said the Bible says to forgive and forget, buth the Bible is well...not a good source, because if there was a GOD this wouldn't of happened to us would it? My opinion is by forgiving your saying that it was o.k. for him to do what he did, and it's not, the decision is really up to you, but if you need to talk or write i should say email me [e-mail], good luck, and remember this was NOT your fault.

Answer 9

My daughter was molested and I did everything in my power to keep my girls away from the monster. Sure he acted like Mr. Nice guy and everyone thought he was a model citizen but he was a child molester. Still to this day there are several members of our community who whisper to each other when they see my family because they still don't believe that he did it. Somehow we ended up being the monsters. Don't you ever forget that HE is the MONSTER!!!! And from what I read your mama isn't supporting you. That must be difficult. Since you are so young and your family is probably all you've ever known it must be scary thinking of leaving them. But, please do yourself a favor and tell someone. Mama's are supposed to protect their babies. You're on your own dear. You need to protect you. I don't think God would mind if you waited to forgive him after he is in jail. God Bless You.

Answer 10

There is a difference in forgiving and taking the resposiblilty of preventing more damage to you, your mother and anyone else. Your father is very disturbed and probably has a very controling side to him...why else would he do something as mentally destructive to someone he supposedly loves. His actions will forever affect how you choose your future relationships. It is more likely that you will seek destructive relationships in your future. Do yourself a favor and seek proffesional assistance, this is to big to handle on your own!!!!

As far as forgiving him...That is a question only you can answer.

Forgiveness is meant to come to terms with the issue and put it into perspective. It is a way of declaring peace in your mind.