i need help?

Question

ok this is what is happening,i found out that someone in my family is quietly having a divorce,now i love these people,but something is going to happen.this lady that i will call ''sara'' and this man i will call ''jack'' have been married for a few years now,maybe 10 or so,''sara'' now wants a divorce from ''jack'',by blood im related to "sara".but this "jack" is a very good man/dad/husband/all of the above,now he takes care of the kids,very well,he takes them places,loves them,and they love him back very much,he never gets drunk,he is very patient,very loving,he never does drugs,in simple terms"jack" is the perfect man,whenever "sara" asks if "jack" can go get her something,even if he has to go threw alot to get it for her,he does it in a heartbeat,with out a second thought,"sara", on the other hand does get a little drunk,she is sometimes 'mean',rude,obnoxious if you will,she hasnt really grown up,she still goes out,gets drunk,parties,goes to clubs while "jack" is back at the house

taking care of the kids.i recently went on the computer and found links in the history section,where the pages discussed 'dead beat dads',,which i dont know why this is being said when again,hes is the best father in the world,the kids are constantly choose to go to him when they have a problem,or when they need help in school,or even when they got in trouble,because they know that whatever it is they did,he would always make them feel better,it may sound like a clear choice as to who should get custody of the kids,but lets say that the relationship with"sara" hasnt been so 'great' with her in the past,and many people will,without hesitation choose "jack" as the legal gardian,but if that choice is to be made, because the relationship is so fragile that it could be broken,with many of years without communication,again.again i love these people very much, and i dont want anybody to get hurt,especially the kids,who love"sara and jack" very much

I need to add something:

1.I AM NOT "jack"
2."jack" was complelty crushed when he found this out,his reaction was this:"what was it that i did? if i did something wrong, tell me,i can change"
3.i have never seen "jack" like this,he is usally full of energy,happiness, laughter, joy, excitment, etc...and now he is sad,he doesnt seem to enjoy life that much anymore,'drained'is what he is,and he truly does love her
4.he takes the kids out all the time,he gives "sara" time to rest after she spent all night partying,when shes got that hangover
4.im not exarggerting "jack" this is how he really is.

also,no matter what "jack" is doing,he is never to busy to stop and help....plese help

i asked this question twice because before,i feel that it something was missing from the answers

Answer 1

Sounds like its a personal matter and really none of your concern, no matter how hung up on 'Jack' you might be. Let them work out their issues on their own, as you are not privy to all of the intimate details of their relationship, only those which they allow you to see.

Answer 2

im really sorry but there is nothing really that you can do other than be suportive and help "jack" cheer up. it seems like the relationship with "sara" was alittle hard for "jack" and it might be better for them to get a divorce. but the kids if "jack" fightss for custoy of the kids the kids will have to go up in front of the court room and say what they think of there mother and if you loose and the kds said some bad thing about her that won't be good. my parents are divorced too and what we do is see him every weekend and like once a week in the summer which works out.

Sorry so long hope this helps

Answer 3

Help with what? It doesn't seem like you are in any position to affect the situation anymore than any of the rest of us are. If this great guy Jack isn't able to get this woman to stay, nothing you do will and the fact of the matter is, a mom basically has to be a proven crack whore to lose custody of children so there is just about no way Jack will get custody. All you can do is let Jack know that if you can be there for him in any way, you've got his back and hope the situation doesn't get too ugly.

Answer 4

Sarah needs to ask herself some serious questions:

-how will it affect the kids?
-is that worth it?
-will I be better off after divorce? There will be legal entanglements, and I may lose having the income to live comfortably
-I will also lose a friend and confidant of ten years. Although that seems obvious, it is a side most people dismiss. How will it affect me?

Oh, I know a story just like yours, and though Jack is trying to get along just fine, though visibly heartbroken (he still loves Sara and his son), Sara is absolutely miserable... lying to the police, trying to live with friends and still raise a child, the whole bit... it's really sad.

Answer 5

This is long. So I wonder if you are looking for advice to give 'Jack' or what exactly the question is.
There is nothing you can do to change this but maybe learn from it yourself.
Advice for Jack? I would say let 'Sara' go. Take care of the kids, try not seem to weak in her eyes and give her as little reason to resent him as possible. Let her see if the grass is greener on the other side. She may come to her senses and return, lesson learned. She may not. Either way their actions will have an impact on those kids.
He... and She (and you for that matter) can not change anything or anyone but themself.

Answer 6

Here's the thing: Now matter how well you think you know "Jack" and "Sara," truth is, you aren't married to either one of them and therefore can't know what their relationship is really like. "Jack" can be the greatest dad in the world, but obviously there's something missing for "Sara." "Sara" may appear to be the bad guy in this situation, but you don't know what's gone on between them.

My ex-husband was the nicest guy in the world. But you know what? Behind closed doors, in the privacy of our marriage, he abused me. There are people to this very day that don't believe he abused me, because he was just such a nice guy.

You are seeing "Jack" and "Sara's" public faces. You don't know what their private faces look like.

All that being said, there's nothing you can do here. These two people are either going to make it or they won't--it's entirely up to how bad both of them, separately and together, want to make their marriage succeed.

Answer 7

Most drunk women are arrogant and self-centered whores. But that goes for men as well. If I were "Jack", I would compile evidence against "Sara" and then when I was satisfied reconciliation wasn't possible, file for a divorce and win the kids with the accumulated evidence. She deserves neither Jack nor the kids.

Answer 8

Of course there are two sides to every story. And, Jack may not be perfect but if he feels he is the better parent he should get a good attorney and seek custody. He will probably need some character witnesses because it is so hard to prove a mom unfit.

Answer 9

"Jack" appears to be a "quality man"- what we as counselors call men of value on all levels. He is a proud man,of honor and integrity. A man that most women would seek to marry.
"Sara" appears to be a "mis-fit"- a person without much thought process through her own thinking capabilities.
If your evaluation of their relationship and parenting skills are correct, I would imagine that there is not much communication between the two during their marriage, and "Sara" has grown bored and dissatisfied with HERSELF and/or PARTNER as well as her REASON to marry in the first place. Happily married couples- are best friends and they are satisfied being with each other at anytime. Dysfunctional marriages- are lovers that have something missing in their personal relationship with each other, and seek out ways to express their unhappiness.
Through alcohol and drug abuse, verbal,mental and physical abuse,self-mutilation,adultery and murder.
If the couple made DIVORCE their choice on how to handle it, then know that it is a SAFE bet that the judge will give them joint custody. Judges do NOT like to give SOLE custody, UNLESS A SPOUSE CAN PROVE THE OTHER TO BE UNFIT. That's HARD to do, without PROOF, because his or her WORD is considered to be HERE SAY.
If "Sara" is going out to parties and clubs, it is her way of seeking oppurtunity on whatever level she feels is not being met at home. She may think her husband does not find her attractive as much or has other insecurities. People like to be validated. If other men are trying to make moves on her or are making her feel like she is wanted,"Sara" may very well, like the attention and keep on doing whatever she feels that she needs to do in order to make herself feel alive and desirable.
These are just a few scenarios. Good luck with handling this unfortunate relationship. If you and "Jack" are good friends,continue that friendship. It will help him to know that he has your support and IS VALUED. Take care.

Answer 10

i suggest that jack get a divorce mediator and a legal gaurdian for his kids. a legal gaurdian is a lawyer that works for the kids and alway has their best interests in mind. they can advocate on behalf of the kids and do what they feel is right for the children. that being said, i think jack shoud look into seperation counselling, they just basically mediate things when a couple has difficulty with divorce issues. they basicall make sure that they arent at eachothers throats. a lot of times in a divorce the kids r used by one parent as leverage. oh ull never see ur kids blah blah blah, and they dont think about the kids caught in the middle and its just sad. definetly get a legal gaurdian

Answer 11

don't listen to jack@ss ben (first post) It sounds like "Jack" is a really great man, its a shame things like this happen to good hearted men. What is the reason for the divorce? I think "jack" should get custody of the kids. It sounds like hes the "all around" parent. To bad they can't work things out, best of luck.