My wife and I are in our early 40s....She's very attractive and in some ways very flirtatioius with other men (see the question I posted a few minutes earlier about her dancing with other men). But being a horny 40something male, I constantly think about other women while wifey and I are deep into sex play. I think about women I work with (and I work with a bunch of attractive women), plus women I deal with through community service - especially one I'm particuarly close to because we have been involved in this group for years and we just have a lot of things in common. She's similiar to my wife in build and wears a lot of tight short dresses that makes her *** so very tempting to play with. One day while at a meeting, she was sitting a few feet away facing each other - and she had on one of those short dresses. My eyes kept zeroing in on her and I got a hard-on - I managed to stay seated the entire meeting. Do others think about having sex with others during sex with the spouse?
2006-07-04 04:40:16 · 20 answers · asked by rushfan38801 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To keep it real everyone from one time or another is turn on by someone else. Married or in a relationship. What i like about your question is that you have say some nice things about your wife. No matter how good another woman may look, keep loving your wife. You are blessed to have a woman in your life like her so give everything you need to give to ensure the success of your marriage. Remember you can look at the menu but don't buy anything on it. Try to keep the fire burning in your marriage and try to stop thinking about other women when you're making love to your wife.
2006-07-04 04:52:01 · answer #1 · answered by Basilchef 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think some fantasy is normal. Plus you can't help but wonder what you are missing out there. Getting a hard on from that kind of encounter isn't so bad or unusual. However, you seem to have gone a little further than having some fantasy. I found myself doing that with my last serious girlfriend and recognized that the relationship was in trouble. If your wife isn't capturing your deepest interest and passion, then you have issues that are outside of the bedroom.
Hey, this happens in all marriages. We need to rediscover along the way why we are in love with each other, and find ways to discover how to love more deeply. Trying to block out the fantasies is useless. Instead, you should figure out the rest of the relationship. I doubt that your wife is finding you to be all that wonderful in bed, herself. Maybe she's having her own fantasies. I don't see any benefit to telling her you are having these fantasies. Instead, I would concentrate on what is right and wrong with the rest of the relationship with her.
2006-07-04 04:51:48 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont you think that if you really truely LOVED your wife...you wouldnt be thinking of being with another women?? You would only want the woman you married...your life partner. This sounds more like a LUST you have for your wife...not love. You comitted adultery in your mind. The bible says "‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5: 27-28) You have basically already cheated on her. No, that doesnt give you the right to go screw another woman..but you need to find in your heart the love you actually do have for your wife and use that to make your relationship so much stronger and better than it is now. Talk to your wife about your feelings and thoughts. If you feel bad for this...find forgiveness in your self and of your wife. Im sure she'll be undrstanding. You cant keep secrets from your other half...try to find things that make your relationship work to where you only and I mean ONLY want the woman you married. God made sex for us to make LOVE to the one person we were meant for. Try to distract your mind from looking at the other women. Dont allow yourself to fall into their trap of adultry. And remember...just because other people say its ok to do...and that everyone else is doing it, doesnt give you the right to proceed. You say you love your wife?? Then prove it.
2006-07-04 05:24:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i'm not married or anything, but i was reading an article on how MANY married people think about others sexually. The brightside to it is that since you've been married for awhile, the fantasy helps give you mind a break from feeling that it must submit to ONLY thinking of one person forever. The mind likes to have options, and sometimes that leads people to cheating. The fantasy lets your mind feel like its at a buffet, when in reality it isn't. The fantasy's can actually supress the urge to cheat, because your mind feels like it has a chance to be wild, run free, and pick and choose its next new adventure (in the form of a new sexual fantasy). HOWEVER, taking your thoughts anywhere to reality is a huge no-no. Don't attempt to talk to that woman or things go from fantasy, to a very painful and dangerous flirting with cheating on the woman you TRULY love. Otherwise, fantasy is okay. I have a boyfriend but i think about other guys (we're human), but at the end of the day i tell myself (and you might like to try this): "Yes that person is attractive, but can i truly imagine leaving the person i love, all we've built, all of our plans, and all of our hopes for the future just over someone being sexy ?". Then i either recall a sweet thing my boyfriend did, nice momment that we had, or i literally call him on the phone just to say i love him. In that way the sexual fantasy provide me with imaginations, but also they connect me back to my partner because i intend to think or call him to apprciate the REAL relationship we have. I'm only 22, but i hope that helps.
2006-07-04 04:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by goldcrush22 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're married, not dead. Fantasizing about others is normal. That's not to say your wife would appreciate it if she knew about it, so best to keep it to yourself.
If the fantasies threaten to become reality, you better stop and take a good look at your relationship with your wife. Fantasizing may be normal, but acting out those fantasies might end your marriage.
2006-07-04 04:56:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suppose your wife agrees to a threesome and one of your co-workers joins the two of you for a lusty bedroom romp. And then a few weeks later your wife says "You know your friend Fred. I think he's awfully attractive. Wouldn't it be fun if .... ?"
Paybacks are a b|tch dude. Do you really want to have to watch your wife getting pronged by your buddy, and have to pretend you LIKE it? And then live with it everytime you see your buddy?
2006-07-04 05:14:34 · answer #6 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Occassional fantasy is okay...notice I used the word occasional. If it becomes an obsession then you could be walking down the "dark side' of "stinkin thinkin".
When do(how do) we separate fact from fantasy? If you spend too much time in this arena you might just slip up one of these days and "cross the line". From there you travel in the very fast lane.
Look at the following website, it wil answer many of the questions you might have better than I can.
http://www.condomsbrasandstraightjackets.com/
Good luck
2006-07-04 05:32:39 · answer #7 · answered by hoyhoydc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its totally normal to think about another woman while having sex not that i'm married i'm a virgin but i read an article related to this and it said its called fantasising
2006-07-04 04:56:07 · answer #8 · answered by jazz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal to think of others. In some ways it can help from the usual partner becoming boring. Your wife probably does it too. (Mine does from time to time).
2006-07-04 04:44:28 · answer #9 · answered by vahrens71 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is very normal after being married for so many years. You should try to get a three way going.
2006-07-04 04:45:37 · answer #10 · answered by Lina B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋