I recently found out that my husband had begun a relationship with a woman. They interacted at church and began phoning each other several times a day. He claims that it never went any further than that.
2006-07-04 04:04:50 · 28 answers · asked by Mizzell 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has now ended this relationship. He did it by phone with me on the other line. We both met with our pastor and discussed everything with him.
2006-07-04 04:14:00 · update #1
If he ended it start rebuilding your relationship. Turn off the TV. Have an intimate dinner. Yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but most of them were thrown back for some GOOD reason. You picked out this fish for a good reason, too, remember what it was, Just know you are BOTH going to have to change.
2006-07-04 05:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by PartyTime 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe not - maybe it didn't go any further than that, but the alarm bells should be ringing loudly in your ears. I don't know exactly what you mean by "they interacted" but I am hoping it is that they engaged in conversations - just like they did when they began phoning each other several times a day. All of this is reflective of an emotional affair - the thing we all have before we engage in the physical side of a relationship. They have emotionally connected - for whatever reason. It could be that she is needy and he was there. For him, it could be that ...well, that she was needy. (Guys love to "save" women.....It is like the giddiness of being courted is to women. It makes them feel big and powerful to be needed by some woman - and some woman that doesn't carry all the baggage of daily living.)
Nonetheless, they both allowed themselves to become emotionally entangled - their behavior is not proper and both their behavior is disrespectful of you and your marriage. Time to regroup.
First, may I suggest that you and your husband find a new church? One where she doesn't attend.. And, change your phone numbers - if he carries a cell, change it. (Yep, expensive, but necessary.) He must promise not to give her the location of your new church nor any new telephone numbers. He needs to remove himself from the temptation of this woman. (He shouldn't have given into it in any case, but he did and now he must remove himself.) If he insists on telling her it's over - then go with him or sit in the room when he calls her. He is not entitled to that privacy.
After you have circled the wagons, it is time for the two of you to begin some heart-to-heart talks. I think it might be best to do this with a counselor - someone neutral who will understand that the two of you are teetering on the brink of losing your marriage and will be there to keep you focused and not allow either of you to avoid the hard questions - because the hard questions here are what he felt he needed and what you missed seeing. You both are going to need to be open to new ways of looking at your relationship and new ways of communicating.
Good luck!
2006-07-04 04:18:49 · answer #2 · answered by two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are they discussing religion or church matters? Even so, phoning each other several times a day is too much.
If they want to discuss church related things then arrange for the three of you to talk together.
2006-07-04 04:09:05 · answer #3 · answered by Optimistic1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The man has called off the purported relationship as well as seeing the Pastor in your company, yet you are not convinced. It may be difficult to help because the truth is that love itself is built on trust. Where trust is missing the repercussion is always grave. Give your hubby the benefit of doubt and as well continue praying for him. It is one thing to accuse him its another thing to realize what some women are up to out there. What you need is to believe him and pray for him.
God help you.
2006-07-04 04:22:59 · answer #4 · answered by Sage_Learner 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What reason did they have to phone each other several times a day?....Is the relationship still going on?..Other than his wife..he souldn't be phoning another woman that many times a day unless there is something going on...
2006-07-04 04:11:06 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any time someone is carrying on a relationship that isn't out in the open, they're doing it because they have something to hide. Obviously, it's cheating. If he couldn't discuss it with you there was a reason... Beware, it may happen again.
2006-07-04 07:15:13 · answer #6 · answered by oneladyice1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would answer his phone when she calls and ask her what she wants with him. And if she hangs up when you answer, that should tell you something there.
If they are just friends, invite her over for coffee or something with you and your husband present, you will know for sure then what is really going on by the way they act with each other. If she is just a friend, she should want to be your friend too.
Neither one should feel uncomfortable with you around if there is nothing happening there.
2006-07-04 04:21:18 · answer #7 · answered by sassygrlnil 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is cheating. He is being unfaithful to you just by phoning her the way he is. Sit down with him, and find out why he is showing any interest in another woman. It doesn't matter where he met her, because even a christian person or person of faith will have temptations, but to act on them in any way is cheating.
2006-07-04 04:13:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotional cheating is still cheating. Did you feel the presence of the other woman? If you didn't, it probably wasn't a big deal. They probably just enjoyed talking and he never felt comfortable telling you. If you didn't feel him "slipping away" he probably wasn't. I'm a firm believer in women's intuition. Plus, he did tell you about it which means he has integrity and honor, always something to be grateful for in a marriage.
2006-07-04 04:09:45 · answer #9 · answered by harlow6b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to save your marriage - you need to go to a good marriage counselor. (not your pastor) You need to deal with the feelings that come with the territory and your husband needs to learn to communicate better. If you do not get counseling, this will happen again. You have to fix the foundation of why it happened in the first place. Good luck
2006-07-04 05:04:46 · answer #10 · answered by moonmother2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋