My father-in-law has emphazema and decided now that he almost died to quit smoking. We have bought him a cordless phone so he doesnt have to get up to answer or call anyone. He got a coffee maker rather than him going to his local coffee dive every morning. He is capable of making it.
My husband who works a 50hr week, has me and our 3 boys at home, gets up EVERY morning and gets his Dad coffee and a newspaper. This leads him to getting to work late and thus staying late and missing dinner with us. This has been for 2 months. I understand my husband is worried about his Dad, but EVERY DAY? It is 9:53 am and he has already called asking if he's getting coffee this morning or not. He has become quite demanding and my husband says he feels bad saying no more. I suggested to arrange 1-2 mornings a week to see him, the other days he can use his coffee maker or get one of my husand's 3 siblings to help out, and a subscription to the paper. Am I being mean What can I do to change this?
2006-07-04 03:06:01 · 5 answers · asked by lorihurley03 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I can understand that your husband is concerned for his father, but the father is becoming dependent on your husband and your husband is being an enabler.
Can you and your husband look for a visiting nurse, home attendant, or someone that can assist and teach your father-in-law with life skills and in being a bit more independent?
Does your father-in-law have any other relatives or friends around his age that he can interact with? Perhaps you can get your father-in-law into a support group for people who quit smoking or emphysema sufferers? Depending on his age can he join a senior group or group whereby he can do daytime activities?
It will be hard, but you need to get your father-in-law more involved socially with others of his age, or with his condition.
2006-07-04 03:14:54 · answer #1 · answered by LewAR26502 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no- you are not being mean, however maybe a bit insensitive, and even thats ok. but your husband is not the problem, he's doing as a child is expected to do..take it up with your father-in-law.visit him with the kids and without your husband. let him see first hand whats being interrupted at home and why you need your husbands time at home.he may not realize what you're trying to do so just tell him, in a nice way. if he does'nt understand, or causes a fuss, then rest assured that you've done your part at attempting to make-peace.then .insist from your husband a schedule that works for both of you(or all three of you). if no happy median is reached-----------consider moving away from the problem.your father-in-law should be more willing to co-operate than he has so far. but if your marriage is sufferring, then your family comes first.
2006-07-04 03:51:56 · answer #2 · answered by quartertil2am 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off, if you want to know how he feels, imagine if this were your mother or father; what would you do?
I think you put forth some very good ideas as some alternatives to this situation, but it is up to your husband to make that move. You can't force this situation. Don't become subtly hostile at your husband either; this isn't his fault, and he probably thinks he's just being a good son who cares about his Dad.
It's difficult to make changes to our family schedule when someone is sick. Keep hanging in there; eventually your husband will get tired of eating his dinner cold and will suggest another method of dealing with this problem.
2006-07-04 03:20:16 · answer #3 · answered by blueskies7890 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well your husband sound like he a hard worker and has a lot on his plat. as for being mean no it not your job to tack care of him. put him in and adult home. sound of every thing is going to kill all for of you. your father in law should be ware he can get help for Tran people
2006-07-04 03:21:50 · answer #4 · answered by Chris Bell 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck nooooooooo you're not being mean. You're being smart and thoughtful.
2006-07-04 03:10:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋