Women see me more as a friend than a potential lover!?

Question

You can't imagine how many times I've heard "You're more of a friend to me"
I can't help providing mental support when they need it but, you know, I'm a male primate. Not my fault.
So any tips on how to change it?

Answer 1

To be overly simplistic, I'd say that women vascillate between attraction to two types of men: The strong, "powerful" assertive type, and the sensitive type.

I think this is because a woman ideally looks for a man who is both. Most girls fall for the really handsome "hunk" when they are teenagers -- a guy who appears strong, confident, and capable.

Unfortunately, guys like that at that age are usually also insensitive to the girl's emotional needs, so the girl ends up being hurt in the relationship; the man, being strong and assertive, ends up taking advantage of her emotionally.

Eventually, the "sensitive" guy becomes more attractive to her because he is "safer" to deal with. He seems to listen to and understand her... and actually care enough to do something about it. Still, one of the weaknesses of the sensitive type is often not being assertive enough... often even passive.

This doesn't satisfy the woman's desire to have a man who initiates things in the relationship, asserts himself, actively takes care of her even when she doesn't know she wants it, etc. Usually she ends being the person in charge... which might feel good in some ways but not others.

At that stage, she ends up looking for a man with both qualities, if she can find him.

You're coming off as a friend -- the more sensitive type. That's not a bad thing. You're emotionally supportive but not enough "other" to get their blood pumping. You're serving the role of another "girl" in her life -- a guy who listens to her emotions and offers emotional support.

It's hard to make a general statement on how to play this out and come across differently, since all women are different.

Basically, you want to be seen as more initiating, more assertive, with more goals of your own, someone having energy to pursue things you care about... all while still maintaining the sense that you are empathic, willing to listen, and care about the girl's feelings.

Some of this is a mentality change in how you live your own life, unrelated to the women in general. Confidently pursuing your own goals and improving/using your abilities is one thing that attracts women, when I look back at my own life and other people's lives: They love and are attracted to a man who excels at what he does and confidently/boldly pursues what he's good at.

(Stereotype, of course, is the athlete, with his raw physical power; but I am a pianist, and I realized that most of the women who were ever attracted to me found themselves attracted when they heard me play, with confidence and without worry about failure.)

Answer 2

Don't give them the chance to be your friend. You will need to become somewhat crude and implement a policy of No Sex = No friendship.

Some people do this by setting a certain number of dates before sex is expected (i think the standard number is 3). If the woman hasn't shown any signs of being a future lover after 3 dates (dinner, movie, whatever) then you must never speak to her again.

...good luck

Answer 3

Get money! Money is the only thing that women wants from any man. In ancient centuries women likes the best hunters, now they want rich men.

Answer 4

nicely, i imagine at the same time as a guy speaks really of you in route of his friends and kinfolk, it really is very spectacular. There are solid adult males available, possibly you've one. He pick to capture up with, so he would nicely be more beneficial than merely friends. perhaps he pick to charm to close all about you solid and undesirable. solid success ;)

Answer 5

I had a friend like that once! You know what we will now have been married 17 years on July 19th. He killed me with kindness and persistance turned to love.

Answer 6

you are one of those guys... as a woman...
most women, whether they admit it or not, when in the dating seen they want the bad boys.. it's a challenge and when they get hurt tend to go cry to the sweet, understanding, emotionally supportive men like you.... stay they way you are because eventually we get it...

Answer 7

Not your fault...but maybe you have not yet found the right girl who will love you the way you are. And stop trying to be nice always...be yourself.

Answer 8

just say "i love u" n remind her that u r a loverboy more than a friend, act n feel jealous when she talks about other girls

Answer 9

ur probly a good guy that they can turn to so they look to u as a brother

Answer 10

ya stop being so nice and helpful, be more playful, mean but jokingly, and suave