How do I get my mother-in-law to stop telling me how to feed my baby?

Question

My mother-in law is convinced that my daughter needs to be started on solid foods because she thinks "the formula isn't satisfying her," but she's eating exactly the amount she's supposed to and she's gaining weight at the rate she's supposed to. I feed her on demand, so whenever she cries for food, I give it to her, and I stop feeding when she acts like she's done. It just happened that we were at my mother-in-law's house on a day when she wanted 2 oz meals every 2 hours for a while, and now she's convinced that she's not satisfied because "she only waited a couple of hours before wanting more." She's only 7 weeks old, which I think is way too early for solids, and based on the amount she's eating and her weight gain, she really doesn't need it. I've explained all this to my mother-in-law, and each time it seems like she accepts it, but then the next time I see her, she brings it up again. What can I do to get her to stop bugging me about it?

I'm also worried because I have to go back to work soon, and since I can't afford to hire a babysitter she's my best option, but I'm afraid she's going to start giving her the solids behind my back.

Answer 1

That's tough... A lot depends on the type of relationship you have with her, how often you see her, and the type of relationship you *want* to have with her!! Try any one or more of the following...

Just ignore her when she brings up the subject. Do not react in any way. Make like she didn't speak (or you didn't hear her).

If you see her seldom, just nod, then do whatever you want. But you wrote that your daughter is only 7 weeks old and this "keeps" coming up, so this probably won't help...

Tell her you are following your doctor's orders. Say it again next time. And the time after that. Use the same words every time. Be a broken record, even if you are discussing it for an hour straight--don't say anything but "This is what my doctor told me to do" (or whatever wording you choose),

Say you don't want to discuss it any more. You value your relationship with her too much to fight over it. You want to talk about something that you can either agree on or have a fun discussion about. Then change the subject. Again, repeat as needed.

Have a heart-to-heart with her. Tell her you value her input, but this is one place where you will *not* change your mind. Say that you know she is offering suggestions out of love for her granddaughter. Explain that you think she did a great job raising her kids--after all, you fell in love with one of them--but that information that is available today is different than what there was back then. Lots of verbal hugs to her throughout this.

Tell her that she's bugging you, and you would appreciate it if she would stop bringing it up.

Have your husband deal with her. He's the blood relative, after all!

Leave the room whenever the subject comes up. This is a variant of the first idea if you have trouble ignoring.

In any case, I would really say *don't* leave her alone with the baby until she agrees to follow *your* rules. It's your baby; you get to decide how she is raised.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel I am in the same boat. It is your child so set some ground rules. Let her know that if she doesn't obey them then she can't see her. That's the advise people were giving me and that's exactly what I thought about doing before I posted my question. My husband is in the military and I am moving back home to get help because he is gone way to much so I need help I have 2 boys. I have told my husband that if he doesn't let his parents know how I feel then I will and they wont like it. They had their chance now it's yours. My in-laws and I rearly get along so that makes it even harder but it's your child. I also told my husband if he wants me to go back to work when I move back then he has to say or do something because if he doesn't then I wont work I will just take care of the boys and that will be it. You have have to be really strict about it.

My son is 5 months and I don't give him solids yet I still think he is to you. Maybe in another month I will start a few but not a lot. Your daughter will let you know when she is ready for more than what she is getting. GOOD LUCK with everything and I hope it all works out for the best.

Answer 3

Ooh, that's a rough situation, especially with you mentioning she'll be your only source of childcare when you go back to work.

I have found the best way to make a point to people (especially of the older generation, some of which used to feed their babies cereal at 2 weeks old!) is to tell them your doctor told you to wait. The reason to avoid solids so young is because the eariler they are introduced, the higher the chances are that baby can develop food allergies. You could also tell her that her eating habits aren't always like that. Try asking your doctor, or public health, or any local early years-type centre for a handout on starting babies on solids to give her and let her know that recommendations have changed since she was having babies and it is now much safer and better to wait until baby is at least 4 months old (World Health Organization recommends 6 months) before introducing solids.

Remember to be firm with her when she does begin taking care of your daughter about your wishes in her parenting. I can feel how difficult this situation must be for you, knowing that she disagrees with you and she'll be spending alone time with your daughter soon.

Also remind her that a newborn's stomach is the size of a walnut, and can only hold in small amounts for a small amount of time. Food gets digested very quickly and baby gets hungry soon afterwards. And it's also a good thing that baby is drinking lots of milk during the day, because then hopefully you are getting a break at night and not having to get up for too many night feeds! Some babies just drink a ton during the day so they can sleep at night - others will drink infrequently during the day and wake for night feeds often.

Answer 4

7 weeks is way too early, but because she is a forumula rather than a breastfed baby, she can have some cereal a bit earlier.

That said, it is your decision. The problem is confusing because you need your mother-in-law, but you also need to be respected as the decision making mother.

I think the easiest way around this is to give your mother-in-law a list of your baby's routines. Then, if she has something to follow, she won't have to branch out on her own. And, you have the comfort of knowing your baby will get a walk, a story and regular diaper changes when she needs them. You can also pre-mix all the bottles the baby needs for the day and then, all your mother-in-law needs to do is heat them up.

The situation is delicate and you have to be diplomatic. Emphasize that you and your MIL are a team. Tell her how relieved you are that the baby is with someone who loves her and, even though you can't afford to pay her, show your appreciation in other ways.

And, I think this is key. Don't compromise on this issue, but on something that matters to you less, give your MIL her way and let her know that you think that idea, is a good one.

Good luck and I hope you and your mother-in-law make a great team for taking care of your baby.

Answer 5

Drag your MIL to your pediatrician and have the doctor explain to her that needing to eat every 2 hours (or even every 30 minutes) is perfectly normal for a 7 week old. Also have the doctor explain to her that babies' digestive systems aren't ready for anything other than breastmilk or formula until they are at least 6 months old. And he or she can also explain to your MIL that solids are a choking hazard.

Or if you don't want to get the doctor involved in this, tell your MIL that while you appreciate her concern you have spoken to your daughter's doctor and that you know you can trust your MIL to help you follow doctor's orders. (Seriously, with some people it's easiest to not even try to reason with them.)

Answer 6

Tell your mother-in-law that you are comfortable with your daughter's feeding habits and if you are in any doubt discuss this with your Health Visitor who I am sure will reinforce your views and then you can inform your m-i-l that you have sought professional advice. Although all babies develop at different rates I agree that 7 weeks is a little young to be trying solids.

Answer 7

Simple...tell her to back off and shut up! I had the same problem and finally had enough and told this prissy old lady to keep her opinion's to her self. I managed to raise 2 beautiful dughters, 1 with a genius IQ and the other is top of her class in High School. Your the Mom not her. If you have to hurt her feelings, then so be it. Don't let any one tell you how to raise your child. I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Have your mother-in-law go to the Dr.'s with you. Or have Dr. talk to her. I agree that 7 weeks is way to early to be feeding her solids. Explain the early you introduce for the more chance she could be allegri to it. Have your husband talk to her. Tell her that your glad she is concerned and you will talk to the Dr. but until then you don't want her having solids. Good luck!

Answer 9

tel her in a nice way that it is not advisable to give solid food to kids below 4 months as they get allergic to it . then what she will do afterwards when she will not be able to eat anything if she gives her solid food now.

tell ur husband to explain it may be it wil effect better.

tell her what the doctors say about her weight---at that particular age n what r her milestones. is she active n all. tell all kids r different .

Answer 10

Just politely listen to her and then DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO AS A MOTHER! Don't let her pressure you into doing something that your pediatrician didn't recommend. Your mother-in-law will say a lot of things but YOU ARE THE CHILD'S MOTHER! You gave birth to the baby not her so just let her make her little comments and then you do what you need to do to make your baby healthy and happy.