joke?please send me some good jokees.?

Question

pls can u send me some jokes , i hv to make a grl happy,she is upset.

Answer 1

I'll try, but I don't think I can fit Bush and Condoleeza in the same box..................

Answer 2

What will man do if woman become extict?
Domesticate another animal!

Sorry, that won't cheer her up.

Try this one:
A man walks into a bar and goes OUCH!

mmmmmmmm....

How about:
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None thanks, I prefer to it in a tub with a woman!

You want to make her feel better?
Quick, go outside and pick her a flower.

Answer 3

Good Jokees...Good Jokees...Good Jokees...Good Jokees... IS it enough.... To make a girl happy just b true to her n Shower ur love...

Answer 4

(Q) What is one job that will never be outsourced???

(A) Prostitution, Pimps like their Ho's where they can slap them.

(This is an original joke, It began as my answer to the question when someone else asked it.)

Answer 5

irline Announcements...........

Lufthansa Airlines

Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the
captain :"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have
lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the
ocean".

The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but
were
somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an
emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that
all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the
swimmers are on the right side of the plane after this announcement all
the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's
request.

Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The
captain once again made an announcement:

"Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the
swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and
quickly swim away from the plane.

For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane... -Thank You For
Flying Lufthansa- ".


------------------------------------------------------------------------

Delta Airlines

At the airport for a trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding
announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address
system saying,

"We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board
from Gate 41."

So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41.

Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570
would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. So again we gathered our
carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate.

Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke "Thank
You
for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."

------------------------------------------------------------------------


British Airways

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to
welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London.

We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the
Atlantic."

"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,
you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that
the port wing has fallen off."

"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little
yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your
captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a
recorded message."


___________________________________

A fellow went for a check up to his family physician. After a thorough examination, the doctor gave the man the bad news -- "I'm sorry, but you only have 6 months to live." Obviously the man was shocked. He replied, "Please Doc, give me some advice!" "Well," the doctor said, "here is what I would do. First off, I would move to Arkansas. Then I would buy a hog farm. Finally, I would marry a 350 lb. woman." Looking perplexed, the man replied "my God, doc, how in the world will that help?" The doctor answered, "Well, I don't know how much it will help your illness, but it will be the longest 6 months of your life!"
___________________________________

One morning at a doctors surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor

examines

him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"




The patient replies "You know that I work for a local

night club? This morning I got home to my apartment

early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I

knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony

door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did

not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I

saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I

grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,That's how I

strained my back"




The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a

car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient was

looked bad, but you look terrible.What the hell

happened to you?"




He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a

while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I

forgo t to set my alarm and was running late. I was

running out of the building, getting dressed at the

same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a

fridge."




The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the

other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again

asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"




"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it

from the 3rd floor"

________________________________________________

What is Effective Communication ??

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest,may I smoke while I pray?"

But the Priest says,
"No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.


For Example : Can I work on this project while I'm on vacation ?!?

_________________________________________________

SHOCKING TELEGRAMS


TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams,

which the father receives as :"Father, your daughter has been successful

in BED."



TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a

telegram to his wife : "I wish you were here." The message received by

wife: "I wish you were her."



TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnancy goes to railway station to return to

her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the

last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue,

she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband

which reached

as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an

old lady."



TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he

goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he

wants to put on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's

put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman

asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well, put "You are

not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the

bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened. The entire

party watched the message decorated on the

cake: "You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".

Answer 6

your very beautiful hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahha.................