Hello I'm 20 and I am with a 53 year old I've been with him since June of 2000... his my best friend as well as boyfriend. now i know you all find the 34 year age gap disgusting, but am i right to think as long as im happy and he treats me right sod what anyone else thinks? resently he keeps asking me to marry him and i want to, but im scared of what people will say. He saved my life i was raped at the age of 10 by my grandad and suffered to trust and love anyone until i was 17 thats when i met my boyfriend if it was 4 him id have no life. do you think i should marry him?
2006-07-03 22:07:04 · 23 answers · asked by Ginny C & Hobie D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my dad has raised me since i was 6 weeks old, he is 30 years and 11 months older than my mom. she was 19 when they met i have 2 younger brothers from him. my husband is 11 years and 2 weeks older than me. age is only a number, it's how 2 people feel about each other that counts
2006-07-03 22:12:25 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ewwww...thats just gross...I think maybe your in it for more then you let on...let me guess...is he rich?...ok...so on a very serious side here, when did you meet him because 2000 would have made you like 14, but you said you met him when you were 17 so which is it? Either way, at 14 or 17, you arent even done growing yet, what on earth would a man of that age see in a girl your age? The would be like father dating daughter type thing. Any man who could be interested in someone that young whos still a child has something seriously wrong with them. I also find it funny that he met you and helped you through such a though time. All too convenient if you ask me. Meet the girl when she volurable, help her heal then you got her hooked on you. Also, why would a girl your age want a man that old? Where is the physical attraction? Where is the similarity in interests? Do you like him because he make you feel safe? Maybe thats why you think you love him, because you feel safe and secure with someone that age. You can get that with a guy closer to your age too. I'm 21 married to a 23 year old and I feel safe and secure when I'm with him and he helps me through all the hard times, but we have alot more in common than a couple with 34 years between them. Its up to you, but I would put alot of thought into it before you run off and marry him. When your 30, he'll be 63. There are quite a few people who don't even live to be that old. He might not be in good health then. Do you want to still be young and caring 24/7 for your husband? I would do it if mine became ill, but this is a bit different. Do you want to raise children with a man old enough to be a grandfather? Do you want his wrinkly, saggy body on top of you while you do it? Think about what you really want.
2006-07-04 19:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand having some apprehensions here, but what people think only goes to show how they think -- it says little or nothing about YOU and a great deal about THEM.
But do think about what such a marriage is likely to be like in 10, 20, 30 years. When you are a vigorous 32 and want to try ocean kayaking, he will be 66 and more inclined to less active things. When you are 48 and starting to get a little creaky yourself -- a little arthritis, probably hemorrhoids, maybe high blood pressure -- he will be 82 and probably in need of a lot of nursing care.
Are you planning on having children with this man? In 15-20 years, if he has Alzheimer's or some physical disability, and must live in a nursing home, would you live your life around visiting him for several hours each day? Or would you be needing to work full-time, and trying to fit in a few visits a week as best you could? What of any children at home while this is happening? What kind of involvement could you expect from your family and his family in these sorts of events?
This sounds very mercenary, but I'm just being practical. If this gentleman has the substantial financial means to provide for himself, for you, and for any children you may have, even if he has some devastating disease like cancer, or lives for 20 years in a facility for Alzheimer's people ... AND if you truly WANT to be with him through the degeneration that inevitably comes with aging ... then go ahead.
If he doesn't have a great deal of money, but is working man of modest means, I think you are letting yourself in for a very hard life. Make sure to get a good education and get started on a good career path so that you can take of yourself and contribute to his support as well when he is no longer able to work himself.
2006-07-04 08:47:41 · answer #3 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree the gap is too much and ppl will talk
But finally trust your instincts. You truly love him, go ahead with it. Im sorry to hear abt the rape, and I can understand it being difficult to trust anyone further. If you really trust him and love him I feel u sgud go ahead with it. But think abt the future too. To be practical - hes 53, say another 30 yrs maximum for him?? You ll be just 50 then, are u willing to spend the rest of ur life alone or wud u be in a position to find a new love?
Dont worry, just think over it
Good luck
2006-07-04 05:14:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, it sounds like he took advantage of a bad situation (you being raped) to get himself on your good side and become your boyfriend. The 34 year difference may not seem bad to you now, but wait until he's 70 and you're only 36 and he can't do things he could do at his age now....he starts having more and more aches and pains.....can't hear or see quite as well....it's natural for us to get like that as we age, but are you willing to live your 30s and 40s solely taking care of an old man??
You're not even 21 yet, and once you hit that age and start going out, I guarantee you will see things in a different light. Everyone needs to live their 20's to the fullest, not be tied down...especially by someone old enough to be your father.
2006-07-04 08:14:20 · answer #5 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately, the decision is yours. Don't pay attention to what other people think if you believe this is right for you and this is what you really, truly want. But make sure it is what you really, truly want first. People worry about age gaps because they often don't work... What will you do if you have a kid with him in a few years, and by the time the kid is a teenager, your husband is too old to really help in taking care of your kid? If you are prepared to deal with what might happen, and you still love him and know without reservation that you want to marry him, do it. If you have doubts, don't. Marriage is a commitment for life. Make sure this is what you want before you do it.
2006-07-04 05:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by Tim 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that your "thinking" that you are in love when it's not a "boyfriend - girlfriend" type of love it's a "grand father - grand daughter" type of love. In other words the love that your "boyfriend" gives you is the love that you wished that you received from the very person that raped you when you were 10. I think that it's a deeper problem and no you shouldn't marry him instead go and get therapy and find out why you are trying to hold on to somebody who is old enough to be your father.
2006-07-04 10:46:54 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Hot Chocolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, age is just a number, ok? my parents had 12 difference between them, an aunt and and uncle had 22 years difference. as for what others may think - if this man treats you right and you are being honest with yourself, then there is no problem as far as i can see. i cannot say, yes go ahead and marry him but you have to look deep within yourself and discover what it is that you have to bring to the relationship. if you are totally comfortable with an older man and are prepared for the aging process and becoming an assistant to his health care and possible home nurse at times, then go for it. but if you have any doubts regarding this, then tell him. be as honest with him as you possibly can. if he truly loves you, he will be very understanding and supportive of you no matter what you may decide.
2006-07-04 05:30:15 · answer #8 · answered by weeyummy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I don't think you should marry him. Be grateful that he helped you out, but you don't owe your life to him. Be friends. Don't be just scared about what people would think - be worried about what is best for you. At 20 you are young, and it sounds as though you have a lot of maturing to do, getting to know yourself and what should be important in your life. Take some time...
2006-07-04 10:53:09 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think 10 yrs from now, u'll be 30 & he'll be 63 , You'll be in your full feminanity & he'll be a grandpa. The difference is tooooooo huge, i would have supported u ven if the age difference was till 15 yrs but 34 is way tooooooooo large.
2006-07-04 05:18:14 · answer #10 · answered by loza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋