My husband and sister got in a big fight because he asked her to give him a heads up or warning call before bringing other people with her when she comes to visit us. She did this the other day, and of course our house was in a mess and we had nothing to offer to eat and drink. He told her he doesn't care if she is by herself or with her husband. We now live in Poland but moved here from America. (Hubby is originally Polish) She say this is an American custom, we maintain that it would be polite no matter where you lived. So, if you answer this and are not American, could you indicate that in your answer? Thanks so much.
2006-07-03 21:44:20 · 11 answers · asked by Sheila Z 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I am American, and it is always polite to call if you're going to someone's house, particularly if you are bringing guests. We're not nearly as formal about it as many cultures are, but it is still considered a nice thing to do. Not necessary for everyone, but polite.
I currently live in England, and here, people are quite friendly, but they don't come over without calling, and my Dutch friend, who has introduced me to many of her friends here, never takes me to their homes without calling first and asking if I can come along.
So, there you have it--in the US, England, and Holland, it is polite to call before visiting, particularly when you are bringing someone else with you.
Besides, your sister shouldn't care what the "custom" is--she should only be concerned with what you are comfortable with in your home. If you told her that you'd rather she call first, then isn't that all that matters?
2006-07-04 07:18:06 · answer #1 · answered by smurfette 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
In many cultures, the home is the center of the family. It is always maintained an ready for company, and company is always greeted and treated as though they were family too. So, no, a 'heads up' wouldn't even be a thought to either party.
However, since it is your Husband and Yourself we are speaking about and he feels strongly that there is too great a chance you will not be 'ready' for company without warning, he has the right to ask. His sister has the right to be offended. After all this is America. We all have the right to feel however we choose. That being said. Your husband and his sister need to try and find some middle ground. They both have strong opinions. And it is great to be strong of conviction in most cases. Just not to the point where you lose a loved one over a little dirt and no pound cake. In the grand scheme of things, a visitor to your home will remember how wonderful and loving the people were and not if the floor was vacuumed and what kind of cake or coffee you served. That's just fluff.
2006-07-03 21:54:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell your sister-in-law that she needs to call before coming over, and that she needs to let you know in advance if she's bringing anyone with her, besides her husband. Let her know that whether it's an American custom or not (I can see how it could look like one to a foriegner) that she needs to respect your and your husbands wishes and not show up without calling first. If she shows up with a stranger again, when you answer the door be polite but say something like "Hi! I'm glad you came, unfortunately we're really busy right now and can't entertain company. Why don't you come back at (insert good time for you here)" If she doesn't like it, too bad. She needs to learn to respect the rules of YOUR home.
2006-07-04 00:03:59 · answer #3 · answered by rocknrobin21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter where you live. You all need to do whats comfortable for you. I am American, but some family is Israeli, and we love to have visitors, even unexpectedly, depending on the visitor. LOL However my Dad and my step mom are american and they get very upset if I stop by without calling and I'm their daughter and we have a good relationship. They said the reason for this is that I might be interrupting my younger brothers and sisters homework or chores. They said its just plain rude to stop bye without calling even if your family. So to answer your question, I've experienced both extremes and the welcoming home is always my favorite. My door is always open to family and friends. And it would make you feel good anyway to keep a clean house at all times.
2006-07-04 02:42:23 · answer #4 · answered by Leah 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am Albanian, but I live in Australia. I would like to know if a family member of mine is bringing some1 over so I could (if in a mess) fix up the house & be able to offer food & drinks, because thats being polite, and I always want to look my best, no matter what!!
2006-07-03 22:03:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very impolite to visit without calling first because the host is not prepared for guests and would not be appropriately dressed, their house might be in a mess and not presentable to guests, and there might not even be drinks to serve the guests. Even siblings need to call before going over to other siblings' house or parents' house. Everyone, call before visiting.
2006-07-04 00:26:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-14 02:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by anthony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm..I've never brought a stranger to my brother's place,only once when my guy friend dropped me off to my brother's place and he just walked me to the front door and my brother opened the door and i was just kinda introducing my guy friend to him and that time my guy friend had to shoot off so he didn't came in and that's all about it.I'm not american,it's not really necessary to call first but that's probably a good idea to do so
2006-07-03 23:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be the polite thing to do(call 1st) But it is your house you are allowed to make the rules....
2006-07-03 21:48:28 · answer #9 · answered by MC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am African American/European and i say that it is polite to give a heads up. Peace.
2006-07-03 21:58:59 · answer #10 · answered by wildrover 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋