I'm a new parent in need of advice?

Question

I recently gave birth to my daughter three weeks ago and I'm over stressing. My husband and I talk about parenting because he comes home from work over tired and falls asleep.

He only changed two diapers and I appreciate everything that he does. But my problem is that when he's around, he does everything but help me take care of the baby. I still appreciate him for that.

I think I need help because I'm crying all of the time, basically everyday.I just feel that I'm not a good parent and get cranky with my daughter. I'm not tired during the day so I don't take a lot of naps. I take one once a day.....

My problem is that I don't know a lot of people where I live to help me with house work or take care of the baby. I would really want my husband's family participate in the baby's life..

Please help.... don't discriminate..... I need all of the help I can get right now.....

Answer 1

I think your husband is probably trying to take care of everything else so you only have to take care of the baby. But, I do know how you feel since my post pardom depression was very hard for me. You need to ask your husband to sit down and talk with you and let him know that he is being wonderful but you would appreciate more help with the baby and the other things can just wait. Let him know that you are feeling alone and overwhelmed (it sounds like you are to me) and appreciate what he has been doing but you need a different kind of help.

If you need help from other family members, just ask; they may just be trying to give you bonding time with your baby.

All sorts of bad feelings flow through your mind after you have a baby and you doubt your own abilities of being a good parent. Just keep in mind that if you don't have feelings of harming yourself or your baby and are not actually yelling at your baby, you are feeling normal for what you have been through. Your body is still trying to get hormones back to normal and you are dealing with a huge life change. You will be a good mommy since you are so concerned with not being a bad mommy. For all of us who are so concerned with being good parents, we all make some mistakes but our children will be fine; just because we are so concerned.

If you feel you might hurt yourself or your baby or you are yelling at your baby, call your doctor to get some help; there is no shame in having post pardom depression but so much shame in harming your baby. This sort of depression happens much more than you would think and there is a lot of help for those who are suffering from it.

Keep your baby well as well as yourself. Just sleep when your baby sleeps and enjoy the months when your baby is still an infant. Good luck.

Answer 2

Try to be take it easy and know that you cant be everything to everyone! Right now you are going through a ton of different emotion's. Some you cant help, some are triggered by hormones, and some are natural with such a huge life change. But let me tell you, just the fact that you are concerned about being a good parent shows that your heart is in the right place because you want to be the best mom you can be. As far as your husband, you should try to tell him how you feel about needing some more support. That really is all you can do, don't accuse him but talk from your heart. Take care of yourself and your baby and your husband is going to choose his actions and in turn make his consequence. It will get easier...babies get older and diaper changes spread out, sleep is more abundant and those damn hormones calm down =) Hang in there...

Answer 3

The first 40 days after a baby is born are very difficult, the baby will cry and cry and you will suffer a lot. After 40 days or so, things will calm down a bit. I was like your husband, I would help with everything but changing diapers and all that, I used to feel that I wasn't good at this kind of help, I also was afraid to hold the baby fearing that I might drop it. About your husband's family, try and talk to them about this, ask for their help and ask your mother in law for advices from her experience raising kids. I am sure you will get good advice and sympathy and most probably help. A mother goes through a lot of pain raising kids, that is why it is mentioned in the Koran of Muslims that Heaven is underneath the feet of moms. God bless you and be with you and good luck, and may the baby grow healthy and have a wonderful life.

Answer 4

Express milk as much as you can and freeze it. Show your husband how to thaw it and prepare a bottle for your newborn so you can get some time away and pronto! It doesn't have to be far. In fact, I recommend that it be just far enough for you to get in some good sleep time. Do it even if it means a baby sitter!

In your husband's defense... if this is his first born also, he could very well be taking a back seat to what he considers your maternal instincts to care for a newborn. Let him know you are just as green as he is and that you'd like it if you could both flounder together instead of going at it alone. Once he comes around to the thought that he can do it just as well as mom, maybe you will find ways to catch a break here and there.

His job gets him away from the serious dependency a newborn has on a parent. By far, your nurturing the child is more stressful than any job I've ever known! You just went through nine months of pregnancy and now have to endure endless needs of a newborn. Show him the milk, the bottles, the diapers and head for the door! Take a few hours for yourself, you sound like you need them!

While his family, or yours too for that matter, might make things more convenient for you, don't count on it! My wife and I had relatives 6 hours away at the closest. We did it alone and found our way, so can you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

This is normal, mom! Congrats on the beautiful baby. I'm not a doctor but, it sounds like you might have postpartum although it could just be the new responsibilities that you have. I would suggest going on line and learning momre about postpartum blues and see if there is something you can do to alleviate the stress of new motherhood.
Remember, you are a loving caring person and you will do fine with your child.
Also, remember that this is your husband's first baby too. Many men are intimidated by the child. They don't know how to hold the baby and don't want to hurt them. Or they feel uncomfortable holding the child because they are unsure of how to ease the baby. Sounds like that might be the case with your husband.
Relax, breathe deep, get infformed, enjoy that gift from God.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry about your situation, but I want to tell you that first of all your feelings are probably hormonal, making you more sensitive than usual, as far as the anger, sadness, and frustration, and depression. Don't worry those feelings won't be as strong in about three more weeks when your system gets back to normal. You must absolutely tell your husband about your feelings and that you need help. If that doesn't work then you will have to cut something out of your daily chores in order to get more rest. I'm not trying to sound like a doctor, but you may even be suffering from postpartum depression, I know, because I suffered it and it's plays tricks on your mind. If your husband is unable to help with the baby, then ask him if he can pitch in with the other things around the house that you can't do. This will subside very soon, so just be patient, you'll see. So let somethings go for just a little while if you have too, and you can iron them out later. It does get better. Don't worry about feeling like a bad mom, your daughter has no idea about what's going on, she just wants to be fed, changed, rocked, and lots of kisses. If you are doing those things, then you are a perfect mom. I'm so proud of you for asking for help. Great moms ask for help in order to give their babies what they need. Call your mom, his mom, doctor's offices (OBGYN), your friends that have had babies, and anyone else that you can think of that has had a child.

Answer 7

Aw sweetie, first off, you are a good parent, and maybe you are suffering from Post-partum depression. Also, giving birth is a very emotional thing to do, as it stresses you in so many ways. With regards to your Husband, he may be like many men, and feel inept when it comes to dealing with babies, as they are so small and fragile, and by going to work, he may feel that is the best way he can help you. Can you afford to hire someone to help you around the house? If not, let his Family know that you need help, as they may be unaware of your problem and all you need do is ask. It's OK to cry, just don't "Awfulize" your crying, (by thinking, Oh how awful, I am crying). allow yourself to cry and embrace your emotions as they are valid, and tell yourself it's OK to cry, and remind yourself that it too will pass. You have a brand new life in your baby daughter, and have been blessed with her arrival, so when you can, find the joy in that, OK. Take Care Honey, and take one step at a time, and breathe deeply when you feel down, and learn to thank your lucky stars.

Answer 8

I totally remember those days...my daughter is now 4 years old. And my husband worked/works 11 hours a day...so I know.

It took a few months to not be crazy and to get a routine that made me feel a little more sane.

If you need help and want help ask him!!!

I know alot of moms freak out cuz dads don't do it their way or they say they are scared.

Well I know just because she came out of my body doesn't mean I know/knew everything. I was scared too. It took sometime. But if you ask for what you want you just might get it.

And you have to let go, if he doesn't do it like you do it. And you might have to teach him how to do it.

I do know how you feel you aren't alone. Woman are the strong ones, you will get through this. She won't be little for long!!!

It will get easier.

Try to make time for yourself too here and there so you don't get so stressed out.

Good luck!!!

Answer 9

Baby, This is normal with the first weeks of new baby, Mother have the same feeling , But father should not be stressed like mother, But try to understand his feeling., He need to sleep too., But you are not entitled for that, Do not push him more in any time, but he is happy more than you.
Yes , you will feel that your husband family to participate in the baby's Life now, Because you need somebody help you, But Remember, this will not be the case when the baby grow up, & stoping give you all this tired.

Answer 10

It seems that you a young mother also,, alot the of people have answered your question already. I feel with you living in a place and no one knows you ... I would take the baby and visit one of the family members of him. I am sure they will help you out once in awhile
so you can have time off... and let some of the house work sit...
If he complains say the baby takes most of my time.

take the baby in a buggy go for a walk in a near park ... I am sure there are other mothers there who can give you tipps and help you out... maybe a play group or from the church there are groups...
Look and ask it doesn´t cost anything...