help!!!my 6 year old son sometimes doesn't listen to my fiance,and we are getting married in 2 months?

Question

here's the deal my son barely ever gets to see his real father because he is a drug addict and an alcholic not to mention his real father never even asks to see him. I feel my son is traumatized because of this and the fact that he watched his dad abuse me. So now in september i'm getting married to a wonderful man, he doesn't have any children of his own,but he takes very good care of my son. and I don't know how to get my son to listen to him!!!

Answer 1

Give him time, my son didn't listen to any of us when he was 6. If you are worried about him being traumatized, you and your future hubby need to spend a lot of quality time with him so he feels safe with him around you. reassure him that he is good to you and let him see this.It will all take time. After a while your son will find his safe place with him. If it continues I would seek counseling for your son. He has seen a lot in his short little life and he needs time to adjust to this new big move . Be patient, and good luck and congrats on your marriage, I am glad you have learned to love again. your son will learn this also by your example.

Answer 2

Well, depending on how long you've been with this man, I agree - time will probably fix the problem.

If he's been playing the 'father' role for more than a year, then you may need to step things up a little. Make sure your child knows that your fiance has just as much right to tell him what to do as you do. You can try sending your child to your fiance for every decision that needs to be made, even the mundane ones, like "Can I have a snack?" If you or he aren't comfortable with this, then try to make every decision you can together - again, even if it's just about a snack. If your son sees you listening to and respecting your fiance's decisions, odds are he will too.

Have a plan in place for immediate punishment if your son disobeys or refuses to listen to your fiance - and don't offer any second chances. Sit your son down and explain the new rules. "My fiance is a part of our family now, and I expect you to treat him with the same respect that you do to me. If you choose to disobey him, then you will be punished (and explain the punishment). This is not open for discussion, nor will you get any second chances if you choose to disobey him." Follow through with what you decide - and try to be there for the first few times that the rule is enforced, so your fiance doesn't come out looking like the bad guy.

The most important thing you can do, though, is not second-guess your fiance's decisions in front of your son. If you don't agree with something he decided, address it later in private - don't let your son see or hear you two.

Good luck!

Answer 3

When you say your son doesn't listen to your fiance, does that mean your fiance is attempting to correct or discipline your son? You should do that as much as possible. Your fiance should invite your son to do things. You need to explain to your son that your new husband is not trying to take his father's place, but, that he wants to be a friend and sometimes he may make rules, because he is a grown up. Really keep that parent role to you. This is pretty normal for children to reject a new "parent figure" . Do not introduce this man as his new father. This guy intrudes on his time with you, too, in his mind. Get counseling for your son if you can. The school or county may assist. Some schools have divorce support groups. Your son needs lots of reassurance from you. You fiance is not the boy's parent and he needs to be mindful of this.

Answer 4

I am a product of a very similar situation. My mother was brutally attacked by my "sperm donor" and was lucky to get she and I out. Years later she married a wonderful man who I now call Dad.Your son will adapt. Keep the positive and forget the negative. Always re-enforce the good man and the good things and he will be forever better for it.
That is not to say don't discipline, of course. But, for a while you should be the enforcer until the trust is there. And believe me, it will come.
I am 39 years old and I love my dad and have no interest in knowing the sperm donor. That may not be the same for your son, but he good will overcome the bad.

Answer 5

Sometimes kids don't listen to their biological parents either. I'm assuming your future husband plays a lot with your son he has to start balancing the 2, start instructing your son to do chores and bed time when it's time for bed and you Mom have to step back and allow him to change into an authority figure. When your son acts up let your fiance handle it and when he does well let him take him to get some ice cream. Same process Day cares use everyone have rules.

Answer 6

Listen darling. It is really hard to adapt to a new person just waltzing right into his life. After his own father doesn't see him. I know he is traumatized. Bring your fiance over more often. Let them get to know each other a little more. When he is ready to adapt. YOu will begin seeing changes in his relationship with your fiance. tell him that when he comes over to live with them that he will be much more happy. You guys will go to amusement parks often. Let him know that YOU still care for him unlike his other father. Show him that once that your fiance joins the family. It will always be the same. It will be like that his own dad is still there only a different person.

Answer 7

I think you have a couple problems here:

I think that you are feeding into your son's feelings of trauma without even knowing it. Like you might baby him, or let him get away with something out of feelings of guilt over his father.

As far as your fiance is concerned, you must impress upon your son that he HAS to listen to your fiance. over time it will become easier, but for now when your boyfriend speaks, you must make your son adhere to it.

Answer 8

Respect has to be earn. You can not expect for your child to give it. Time is the best cure. Your kid will adapt to the change. It will take time. It will take time.. Your fiance needs to respect him and wait, he will get what he sows. How about if he leaves the disciplining for you to do until he can be accepted in the circle of trust. That is Basic animal instincts.

Answer 9

He's six. whatcha' expect? tell your fiance to hang with him, make him look like the cool romodel guy that your son wants to be when he grows up. Kids that age like to learn, let your fiance teach him things. You know what im saying?

Answer 10

well did you try to make your son listen to him or maybe you should just sit him down and tell him that your new fiance is going to be his dad and he should listen to him.