My son is two and takes up a ton of my time. I had a pretty normal pregnancy but the 4 weeks that followed were very scary. Long story short I had a lot of complications. I am almost scared to be pregnant again. On top of the complications, I was a wreck emotionally. Due to anxiety, I take high doses of meds that you CAN NOT take while pregnant. I just now feel like I have my anxiety under control and hubby is really pushing for another...
so my question is...
How far apart is TOO far apart.
My sis and I are 6 years apart, VERY DIFFERENT and not close at all.
My hubby and his bro are 3 years apart and VERY close. I have also considered that he would be ok as an only child, or atleast I would be ok with it. But EVERYONE on hubby's side of the family is totally against it....
2006-07-03 16:06:10 · 14 answers · asked by ads 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My siblings are all 8 - 12 years older than me. Personally, I think it was great having older ones to look up to. We are all close and the age difference is not a big deal. Just because you and your sister are not close does not mean your children would not be. DON"T feel like you have to be in a hurry to decide unless you are over 30 and your doctor tells you the clock is about to stop. (I'd be LOST without my big sis!)
The most important thng here is that you don't sound like you are ready. Post partum depression can be a MAJOR issue and you need to be 100% ready for this baby BEFORE you ever get pregnant. Tell everyone to back off! Talk to your Doctor and take your husband with you to that appointment. Talk about the risks and also your anxiety and fears.
An only child does not have to be without friends and playmates, tho from what I have read there are some differences - that does not make it a bad choice. If you stop at one, you will have more resources to take care of both the child and yourselves. You will also not have daily sibling rivalry but you will have more entertaining to do. If you choose to have more, do so when you and your husband are both ready. Forget everybody else - YOU TWO are the parents and YOU are the one who will have to deal with the physical changes the most. Don't forget to consider how your 1st will deal with the emotional changes and the new baby... there are great sibling classes at most hospitals and that would help if you decide to have another baby.
Please keep in mind that sometimes (not always) 2nd babies are much easier. My first was harder on me than my second, but every woman has their own personal experiences.
2006-07-03 16:42:20 · answer #1 · answered by curiouschick18 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's a personal question and there are alot of things to consider. First, do you BOTH want another child? Also, what does your doctor say? If you have another child and it jeopardizes your health, would you resent the child? There's nothing wrong with having an only child or many children, it just depends on your household dynamics and what will work for you, but I don't think you should let anyone pressure you into something you don't want or something that would be bad for your health.
2006-07-03 16:12:57 · answer #2 · answered by mrsbornkuntry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your problem. I also have a 2 year old who demands lots of attention. If you want another baby, you should do it before you turn 40. I think 3-4 years apart is ideal. You need to do what is best for you. If you are not ready, wait.
2006-07-03 18:23:51 · answer #3 · answered by seatonrsp 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is up to you no matter how close or far apart you have your children they still will be so diffrent from each other because of their personalities my brother and i are 2 years a part not close my sister and I are 4 years a part very close. my boys are 21 months a part they are very close but that might change when they are older
2006-07-04 04:42:31 · answer #4 · answered by rachiecakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 6 year old boy, and I have asked myself the same question for the last 4 years. Finally I decided that some things come first than a second baby, for example I recently finished college, I graduated as a pharmacist witch was one of my dreams and I think I could not do that with 2 babies. My husband and I want to get a bigger house, now we're working on that. Then, we will probably look for another baby.
Sometimes I feel they will be not very close, but sometimes I feel that's not true because I have 2 brothers, one of them its 10 years from me and I love him as much as I love the one that grew and play with me.
So I believe that how many years between them it's not really important because they will love each other, and they will have each other when my husband and I are gone.
Besides, having two little babies will drive me crazy, and maybe cause some problems between our relationship. This way with my first child already doing a lot of things by himself i will feel less pressure and will relax and enjoy our second baby.
2006-07-03 16:19:28 · answer #5 · answered by Caicita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my hubby andd his younger brother are 12 years apart. i have also heard of cases of women having one child and not having another for 20 years or more in a couple of caes. its up tp you. talk to your doctors first though
2006-07-03 16:09:45 · answer #6 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my sister and i are 8 years apart and very close. we have alot in common. and my brother and i are 9 years apart and sort of close. he is just so arrogant it is hard for anyone to get along with him. i don't think it is ever too late to have another child. but if you are afraid to have another one then you need to talk to your husband. they don't understand exactly how much pain we go through and how many emotional changes we have. i know how you feel. i am still up in the air about wanting another and my husband really wants one more. you just need to look deep into yourself and see how you really feel. if you can live without another child. and tell your husband your fears and concerns. he may understand if you just sit down and talk to him.
2006-07-03 16:12:29 · answer #7 · answered by tiffany228 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My youngest is 3, the next one in line is 17, then 18, and two 20 yr. olds! It is great!
2006-07-04 03:48:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please listen to what I have to say: the age difference of your children is not the issue here. You, at least from your description, don't seem at all ready to have another child. YOU (not your husband or his family) are the one who will be pregnant for nine months. Whether or not you can make the people around you understand it or not, you do NOT need to consent to trying for a pregnancy that you are not ready for. Please talk this over with your doctor before you do anything. Perhaps he/she can help with how to handle your husband. There is no hurry. My sister and I are ten years apart and we are extremely close. My husband has a sister 20 years older and they are very close. My two oldest daughters are 3 years apart and fight like cats and dogs. Age difference is more about the people than the ages. Please take care of yourself and don't let this "it'll be too late" argument push you into something you aren't ready for.
Good luck!
2006-07-03 16:15:36 · answer #9 · answered by davis0375 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh that is your & hubby decision-dont even consider any one elses input.it should be 100% from both of you especially YOU the primary care giver(&bearer)theres pros & cons on spacing your children -i have a 3yr old & a 16mth old &my hubby got fixed.
baby #2 is a terror !ok thats a bit harsh -i love the little man & all but i wish id waited til pre k for him-goodluck
p.s. if your on anti depressants -id definitely wait
2006-07-03 16:16:15 · answer #10 · answered by CoC 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋