what can I do?

Question

noone in my family likes my fiance, we have a child together. He told me to tell my sister that my nephews need to respect him and listen to his rules when they come over to stay and when I did, she told me that the kids couldn't come over anymore, and that he wasn't welcome in her home. I feel like I am being punished cause they don't like him! I love my nephews and they mean alot to me. My nephews don't really listen to anyone and my fiance hasn't exactly done anything to earn their respect. I just don't know what to do. I'm not very happy that I can't have my nephews over for a night to watch movies, and play games. I'm not very happy with my fiance either, but for other reasons. What do I do? I feel like I have to choose between my family or the father of my child.

well, my fiance isn't exactly nice and he yells at them. He explains to me "How he was raised..." it annoys me because how he was raised and how they are raised are to different things. We have talked about it, and it was pointless!

tonight he went out and bought me roses and chocolate! like what does he think, that it will make it all better?

Answer 1

This is the result of making bad choices. You shouldn't have had a child with someone you weren't married to.
You should have listened to your family before having a child with this person.
Now you know what's wrong with doing that.

OK so now you're in it. Why does your family not like him? Are they being reasonable or not?
What is he doing to help make the relationship with them better?

If the family has a right to be disliking him, then they have a right to. He should mend the fences in that case. If they're being unreasonable, then you should try to talk to them and point out, nicely, they are being unreasonable.

If that won't work because they won't do that, then you will just have to visit your nephews at your sisters house, or take them out for a day when your fiance is somewhere else.

Your fiance does have a right to have peace in his own home. If your nephews can't behave then he has a right to say they can't come over. It's too bad your sister doesn't train her children to be more polite. People like to be around polite children. Nobody will want to be around children who do not listen and misbehave. Why should they?

If I were you, I would think very carefully about marrying someone who is difficult to get along with. Men come and go and there are millions of them. You only have one family.

Answer 2

Choose both people. Explain to your husband first that one responsibility of being a father, a husband, a family member is to respect others in the family, and coroporate. Tell him how you feel and how you're so heartbroken by this situation, he's easier to talk into because he's your husband. Or fiancee. As for your family, have a nice dinner altogether and you explain your feelings about how you can't see your nephews and how you hate it that your family doens't like your fiancee. Make sure to not just blame your family, to say that your fiancee has done wrongs to, but you all need to be a mature family and get along.

Good luck!
=D

Answer 3

Do you respect your family? Do they have good judgement? Have they had enough time to get to know your fiance? No one knows what goes on in a relationship between two people, and your family cannot fully understand what you feel for your fiance. BUT, if you respect their opinions you should listen to them. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that they cannot accept? If you really have found the person to spend your life with then you will know it. Not in a Fairy Tale way but in a real life way. If you feel they are not giving him a fair chance, then help him to become a part of your family, but if you know they have already seen the best of him..... maybe you should move on.

Answer 4

It sounds like your fiance and sister need to compromise. When your nephews are in your house, they should listen to your rules.(or his) Maybe it's just his way of trying to teach them respect. Have your nephews over while he is at work or out for the day. Try taking all the children out together for a fun day, or even a backyard BBQ.

Answer 5

You have a very immature family that doesnt know how to respect your life or your decisions without behaving like children. So unfortunately you're gonna have to be mature enough for everybody here. Go see your nephews at their home instead. Until your family grows up.

Answer 6

I went through this for a while. I think that you have to evaluate your true relationship with your husband. Is he trying to tear you from your family by pushing their buttons or is he just being himself. Is him being himself something that you can deal with for the rest of your life?? Is so stay with him work it out... communicate! If he is truly your soul mate, he will try to compromise. If not then now is the time to back out. You don't have to punish yourself for the rest of your being to make him happy. Your child can still have a wonderful relationship with him. As far as your sister, she'll come around. She's just upset. She wants to show your fiancee that he doesn't run anything! Let her show her emotions, if you stay with him it will eventually make their relationship stronger too, because right now they are setting their boundaries with each other!!! Good luck gurl!

Answer 7

If you are sure you are going to spend your life with this man, then the ground rules have got to be laid. You as a wife need to stand by your husband as his support. Your husband and child come first, not the aproval of your family. If they have a problem with him, they will get over it, or leave them.

Your life is your life. To live your life with the approval of others is not life. Tell your family they dont have to love him, but they have to respect him and you. Period

Answer 8

Did they ever give you a reason why they dislike him? All I can
say to do if they don't give you a decent answer is to lock them
all in a room and refuse to let them out until they can at least
tolerate each other. I know its sounds like an idea from a sitcom,
but it sounds like its the only thing that would work. If you try to
give an ultimatum with your family it sounds like it would back
fire.

Answer 9

Wow......That's terrible of your sister to USE her children like that.....When are people gonna learn that kids are not pawns or tokens to get attention in life????? I would have a serious talk with sis and tell her that you love the kids and miss them, but you agree that they have to respect your home and follow the rules when they come over.....Once she gets over the fact that you aren't going to back down for her silly, childish behavior, you'll get them back......Don't worry hun!!!!!!

Answer 10

u said your not happy with your fiancee anymore so you dont have any reason to stay with the relationship even if you have a child.. go on your own. move to a place where you can have a freedom of your own together with your child. you see, family is important. you jast cant leave them behind. question is...are you willing and able to build your own family?...if so... stick with the relationship...if not... go on your own... there are only two ways to cross a bridge my friend... you cant pass both... if your there...burn it...