help me!!!!!!?

Question

my mom is single and i just found out that she is gay so i asked her how she had me and she said that she adopted me.

i'm 16 why didn't she tell me this befor?????

Answer 1

She probably didnt tell you before because she didnt think you'd understand...just talk to her about it to try and understand her more.

Answer 2

She may have felt that there never was a good time to tell you, maybe she wanted to be sure you could handle it. She meant well. It is a shame that she didn't tell you when you were younger but, she didn't know how to phrase it to a small child.
In regards to be adopted, that means that you were chosen. That is how special your mom felt you were, she wanted you ! In Regards to being given up for adoption by your birth mother , that means that she loved you enough to carry you for nine months and also loved you more than herself to be able to give you up so you could have a good life.
In regards to your mom being gay, for whatever reason that is the way she is and unconditional love for each other is what a family is all about . Remember she is just another human with all of the emotions that everyone else has. But most of all remember no matter what you found out , she is still the same mom that has loved and taken care of you all these years.

Answer 3

She should have told you as soon as you were old enough to understand. I have two adopted children who are now twenty-eight and almost thirty-one. We told them before they started school, it's never been a problem and most of the time we all forget they were adopted.
My husband, though, found out when he was twenty-five years old and only then because he needed his birth certificate so we could get married! His mother was afraid to tell him because she thought he wouldn't love her as much. My husband's words were " She is the only mother I have ever known and the only mother I want or need."
Perhaps that is why your Mom hid this from you. If she is a good Mom in all other ways though being adopted only means that you have a Mom who really wanted you and chose you to be her child. There is a poem I read that I will never forget and that is true of how most adopted mothers feel about their children. It goes like this......

Not flesh of my flesh, or bone of my bone,
But yet somehow, remarkably, my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart but in it.

Answer 4

I think you should feel good that she wanted you enough to go through the unsureness of the adoption process.

It is a complicated thing to admit to being gay and possibly as complicated for your mother to admit that you are not biologically hers, even though she has to love you as if you were.

Society, as a whole, still isn't too acepting of single parents. Toss in the intolerance of being gay and you have a mess that your mother might have not wanted to deal with.

Moreover, kids are often judged by their parents. Maybe your mother wanted to wait until you were old enough to defend yourself against the ugly things others might say.

Remember that you are especially lucky because of what your mother went through to adopt you.

Best of luck. Keep the communications open and do not see this as a handicap or anything for you or your mother to feel bad about. Be glad for each other.

Answer 5

Be grateful that your gay mom adopted and took good care of you all those 16 years of your life. Loving and rearing someone who is not your own kid may be difficult for others. But it seems that your gay mom tackled all those difficulties all for his love for you. Accept him for what he is and love him the more with your realization that he is so great to treat you as his own daughter despite the fact that he is not your real parent.

If you are curious, you may want to ask him who your biological parents are but that should be just for the sake of knowing who they are. Give him the assurance, however, that you will always love him and respect him even if you'll know who they are.

May be, your gay mom didn't want you to know that he is gay until he thought you would be older and more mature to face that reality whereyour acceptance of the truth would be greater. But this should not pose as a big deal for you --- whether he is gay or not gay, what matters most is that he has performed his responsibilities to you as a real parent and that's one of the greatest kinds of love that this world could offer you. Be happy for you are well loved. Smile.

Answer 6

She was probably trying to protect you from other kids picking on you knowing you were adopted and she was gay. Things are alot more open and accepting now then back even 10 years ago. She probably was going to wait until you were an official adult at 18 and tell you so that if you wanted to search for your birth mother you would be able to do that.

Answer 7

Parents can find this very difficult to tell their children. You are having a lot of shock at once. You might consider talking with a family counselor -- ask your mom if she will go with you, if you would like -- this will help you go through your emotions.
Remember, your mom does love you, and she wants what is best for you. She might be going through a lot of pain and soul searching right now because of these revelations. Approach the subject gently when you talk with her about it, that way you will avoid a confrontation where you get hurt.

Answer 8

sorry sweetie....at that time your mom may have thought it was best for you...not knowing the truth that is....dont be so hard on her...she must love you dearly to want to prevent the questions and possible harassment you might have recieved...talk to her...

16 yrs ago...it was hard to adopt kids...much less being a single gay parent...doesnt mean you were any less loved...if she was a good mom...which i am assuming she is...she is still the same person....she was just waiting for the right time to tell you...and honestly at 16 ...that is a good time...be patient...love your mom...and good luck

Answer 9

Maybe she didnt feel you would be able to handle it so young, and be glad she told you the truth. Who cares WHO makes your mom happy, and she was the one who raised you and loved you and kept you safe. Your mom is very strong to tell you those things and as hard as it is for you to hear them, remember your mom is having a rough time too. I think that is a great sign that she trusts u, and loves u, and feels you are mature enough to deal with it. You are lucky to have found each other.

Answer 10

she may have thought you were too young to understand it all because it is a lot to handle. She may have thought you were not mature enough also...believe me she has raised you she knows your strengths and weaknesses. She knew when the time is right...My suggestion your mom can be your mom and she can be your best friend. Get to know her for who she is because she has her own issues. Learn to love and accept her and she will do the same....Peace and Blessings

Answer 11

well that sucks.. really, i mean.. at least you have someone to take care of you now rather stay in an orphanage right? that's up to you, but i have to say, if my parents told me that, i would break down crying. but hey, she picked you for a reason, her partner picked you for a reason too. the reason why she didn't tell you it before was probably because she didn't want YOU to have that feeling clinged onto you for the rest of your life and then you'll be devastated, sorry to hear that.