Okay, this is the last time I will post this...need guy advice?

Question

I am 25, he is 36. And since he told me he loved me he has either totally avoided me or has been acting strange. I told him that I loved him too. He suffers from mild depression, I thought that might be a part of it. I called him a few days ago to see if he was okay, but he couldn't talk right then and told me that he would call me later. I am still waiting. He works 80+ hours, 6 days a week, I know that he works all those hours because the manager has told me that all the men there work 80 hours. so normally we only talk on his day off. He has two kids from a previous relationship and I also have two kids from my ex-husband. He has no one else, and I have proof. He is old-fashioned (i.e. he likes to pursue) so I do not know how to proceed. I want to call him again, but since he is old-fashioned I don't know what is appropriate. What do you recommend I do?

Answer 1

Eighty hours a week! He doesn't have time to play games by avoiding you. He's either at work or sleeping. When would he have time to see you?

Answer 2

I'm so sorry to say this I might be wrong but those are signs of a guy cheating I know you don't like hearing that, but sometimes the truth hurts. I also never heard of any place that makes you work 80 hours a week. That sounds like too much labor you might want to just go visit him at work or at his house. You need to find the truth for yourself. First off where does he work??

Answer 3

This guy has lost interest. He either scared himself when he said he loves you, lied to you when he said it, or is scared that he is getting in to deep. How long was he divorced before you started dating him? I would say dont call him. Let him have a couple of weeks without any contact from you and see what he does. If he loves you he will call, if he does not call, move on. I feel for you, I have been running into emotional wreck and borderline psychotics since I re-entered the dating field. I can honestly say that I was not ready to date until I had been divorced for 2 years.

Answer 4

There are many thing that could be the driver. He could take the fact that he failed in his marriage as a personal issue, this is a reach. but 80 hours a week and two kids, he is lucky to have any time for you. Be blunt about your goals, and if he is not in line with you then I say move on, life is to short to hang around wainting on something that will never happen.

Answer 5

I don't see as you have a lot of choice but to be patient, and wait, or move on. If his schedule is always going to be 80 hours a week, he doesn't have time for his kids, much less a relationship with you. He might REALLY want to, but there just ain't enough hours in a week to do all he has to. Honestly, my advice is to move on in your own life.....if it happens with the two of you, GREAT....if not, then you will not have wasted your time waiting.
Best of Luck to you!

Answer 6

I am 25 as well. I am getting married in March. It took me two years of NOT SETTLING before I met Robert. It sounds to me like this man is just not accessible at the moment. I understand that he works but ask yourself this. Is this man really worth waiting for and would you love him forever the way he is NOW if he did not change?

Its great that he isn't seeing another woman but work can be a mistress too. And you have kids! Think about them. If you want to be with this man you have to think about your future and kids future. It isnt fair to them to have this man in and out of your life at his convenience. I dont want to see you or your children get hurt so my advice and is to not settle for something good but wait for something great because it is out there. I am not going to lie to you, it will hurt, and it will be hard but in the long run think about what type of life you want and what is best for your children.

Will you truly be happy sitting at home waiting for him to come home late at night and be so worn out from work that he can't make love to you? That he can't go to your son's baseball game because he has to work? Not only that if he works 80 hours a week what kind of relationhsip does he have with his own kids and what do you expect him to give yours? I am not trying to be harsh or mean. I dated many men that had POTENTIAL but I realized I was settling and I quit settling and waited for the right person at the right time. We are still young, you have time to do things right for yourself and your kids.

Answer 7

OK so you have a problem huh? Let me guide you with the ways of men with the "long hour" jobs OK. You need to let him get involved with you more. It's hard to do but let him call you. If he loves you truly then wait for the call. Not forever you have a life, but a time will tell where his priorities are. I love is involved then it's you first not work. I've done it and it worked. Sometime you have to bait the hook to see if they bite........

Answer 8

You two have told each other that you 'love' each other. If you are at that point, you should not feel like your walking on eggs around him. Call him. If he cares about you and for you, a phone call to see how things are going should not upset him. You should be able to tell from his actions on the phone whether or not he is willing to talk. If he just keeps dodging you, I'd truely consider re-thinking your own position. If it's like this now, whats it going to be like later ?

Answer 9

You need to give him space. Don't push yourself on him. Evidently, there are some things going on in his life that he is not ready to share with you. As a matter of fact, you are not responsible for trying to fix his problems. Don't allow him to use depression, work or anything else as an excuse for his behavior. Focus on yourself and your family. You deserve so much better.

Answer 10

Did you tell him that you love him also? If not he may be feeling insecure, or it may have triggered his depression. I would recommend that you either write him a letter or email him with how you feel. This way it isn't too forward, but you make it know that you want an answer. Good luck!!