When your son gets married who is responsible for the rehearsal dinner and the reception dinner?

Question

My son is getting married and I was told as his mother in the book they bought that I am to take care of the rehearsal dinner. I was informed last night there wasnt going to be a rehearsal but I would now be responsible for the reception. What is up with this? I am also taking care of the flowers for the alter. I thought this stuff was for the bride's family not the grooms.

I thought it was going to be a nice wedding when I was first told about it, now everything I hear sounds like a nightmare. I am glad in a way that I am doing the reception that way I won't be laughed at for the wedding. I am planning on my sister-in-law to help me and we are going to have a picnic style meal, most of the food will come out of our garden other than the meat. Her parents can be embarrassed if they want but I will not let my son be talked about over the wedding. The brides parents think they are more than what they are and I think he does not have the money he likes to act like he has therefore that is why the wedding is going to be a joke like the shower was. I was embarrassed to have my name put on the invitations (as a after thought I'm sure) I wasnt informed about that until they give me my invitation and was surprised to find out that I was giving it also. If only it was over life would be grand but my grandaughter makes my life worth living each day.

Answer 1

This is out of my Wedding Planner Book.

This is TRADITION

Bride and Family Pay For

The groom's wedding ring and gift
Invitations, Reception Cards, and announcements
The bride's wedding gown and accessories
The ceremony location fee
Flowers for ceremony, reception, attendants flowers
Housing for the Bridesmaids
Photography
Music for reception and ceremony
Rented Transportation
ALL RECEPTION COSTS!!!!
(No offense to them but as a bride to be they are trying to screw you.)


Groom's Family Pays for

Bride's wedding and engagement rings
A gift for the bride
Housing for the ushers
Marriage Licence Fee
Officiant's fee
Bride's Bouquet
Bride's going away corsage if any
Mother's and Grandmother's Corsages
Boutannieres for groom's wedding party
Rehearsal Dinner
Honeymoon



You are not responsible for the reception. If her parents are financially strapped then they should have politely come to you and asked for your help. That was incredibly rude of them to push that off on you. If you and your husband have the means to help then great IF you OFFER. You do not have an obligation to pay for the reception.

However if they are pushing that on you and you accept you have the right to do it on YOUR terms. Meaning if you want to limit the guest list and have a nice garden reception with a simple sheet cake and a solo pianist then by all means that is your right to dictate terms. My advice to is keep the guest list small (because I started out with wanting a 150 person wedding that turned into 423 invites) is to invite those that are CLOSE to the bride and groom and those people that would add to making that a special event for your son. I understand not wanting to hurt Great Aunt Millie's feelings that you haven't seen since he was 4 but it is ok and polite to send those that cannot be a part of your son's special day (it is not all about the bride, and I am the bride) an annoucement just make sure if you DO, and you don't have to provide the reception, that it is on your terms within reason and budget. You want this to be a memorable day for the couple and pleasant day with her parents too. Best of Luck, and I hope your son and soon to be daughter in law put as much planning into the marriage as they do the wedding.

One more thing to keep in mind, the rehearsal dinner is usually less than 10% of the reception cost because the guest list is SO much smaller. I am really appalled that they would tell you that.

Answer 2

Unfortunately there are a couple books out there which I have come across recently which show the grooms parents are responsible for the reception dinner, but this is not correct.
The Rehearsal Dinner is paid for by the Grooms parents, the Reception is paid for by the Brides parents.

I have been performing, and coordinating weddings for 16 years, and have written several books and articles on the subject of weddings.

It is true that in todays society, many times the traditions are not followed, but if they are not followed, the people should discuss the changes, and agree on them, not just make the changes and everyone else has to live with them.

The Reception, as well as the alter flowers that you are buying are the traditional responsibility of the Brides parents.

Answer 3

They are going by the wrong book. You trot right over to your local book store and buy Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, by Judith Martin. In her upright, yet low down way, Miss Manners tell us "The expenses of the wedding are properly borne by the bride's family ... " and "Miss Manners has no patience with people invoke etiquette for the purpose of bilking others, especially if they happen not to know what they are talking about."

However Miss Manners does assign some responsibilities to the groom's family, as follows: "Your side may run three events, one obligatory and two optional ... The social overture to the bride's family ... is required. The bachelor's dinner [party] is not necessary, but if it is given, it is given by the bachelor, a.k.a. the bridegroom. The rehearsal dinner has become a customary way of the bridegroom's family taking the responsibility, financial burden, of the wedding party away from the bride's family the night before the wedding, when they are apt to have had as much, or more, than they can handle."

Notice that hosting the rehearsal dinner is CUSTOMARY, not OBLIGATORY? My suggesting for keeping peace with the bride's parents is to calculate what the expense of a rehearsal dinner would have been and give this amount to her family to use toward wedding expenses as they see fit. Tell them that you'll keep your schedule as free as possible, so as to be available to assist, but not to count on you for any further funding. These sound like exactly the sort of people who will attempt to throw a party in a style beyond their means and pass the expense on to others. Don't let them. (And you notice that you have wiggle room with that schedule, in case they try to saddle you with scut work?)

Answer 4

I was always under the impression that the groom's family took care of the rehearsal and the bride's the wedding and reception. I am sure there are instances when it is mutually agreed upon to split up responsibilties, but I do not think you should have been told the reception was your responsibilitiy.

Answer 5

I think as far as weddings go that the two sets of parents should come to a mutal agreement.
Traditionally th bride's family covers everything BUT the rehersal dinner. But in this day and age not everyone can afford that. I know if I were to get married I would be SOL on the financial end cuz my parents don't have any money for that kind of thing.
Maybe you should talk to the bride's parents and see what you guys can afford together???

Answer 6

Yes, it is customary for the groom's parents to pay for the rehearsal dinner...however, it is the brides' parents that pay for the reception, with the exception of the bar bill and that responsibility is the groom's parents. You can suggest you put the money you would spend on rehearsal dinner towards the reception.

Answer 7

Yes if you go by tradition then the grooms parents are responsible for paying for the rehersal dinner, but since there isn't going to be one, then I personally think it would be a nice gesture if you offered to help pay for part of the reception costs. Also, in tradition I have been told that the grooms family is also supposed to help with some of the costs of the flowers.

Answer 8

The groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner and the brides' for the reception. The bride pays for a lot more thant the grooms' family.

Answer 9

It would have been your responsibility for the rehearsal dinner and the alcohol at the reception. That's all. The reception is not your responsibility, it is the bride's family's. You could do as my in-laws did, and just give us a lump sum of money and we could put it towards whatever part we wanted.

Answer 10

I am divorced and when i got married we had a simple marriage ceremony that we paid for ourselves. However, from what I have seen as far as my friends weddings which have been large and involved, the bride's family shares some of the cost as well as the groom's. If you are paying for the majority of the nuptials then you need to talk to the other parents and come to an agreement on who is covering what expense.