2006-07-03 14:50:36 · 28 answers · asked by Tom 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged that they had for the past five years covertly funded a project with US auto makers whereby the auto makers installed black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 44 of the 50 states that the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Sh*t!" Only the states of West Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this."
2006-07-03 14:54:28 · answer #1 · answered by paintr77 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
2006-07-03 22:04:13 · answer #2 · answered by LedZeppelin4ever1955 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then says to the bar tender, "I'll bet you one-hundred bucks that I can pee in this cup from straight across the room." The bar tender says, "You're on." The guy then buys two more drinks, and puts his money on the table. The guy then goes across the room and pees all over the place not once getting it in the cup. The bar tender takes the money and smiles. The guy smiles back at him. The bar tender asks, "Why are you smiling? You just lost one-hundred bucks." The guy then says, "I bet everyone else in the bar one-thousand dollars that I could pee all over the place and make you smile!"
2006-07-03 21:57:44 · answer #3 · answered by sum1 that u wont kno 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People who get complimented on their hair usually let it go to their head.
If you have sticky buns you shouldn't put pants on.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
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OK my own joke.
A kid could not speak, so the mother took him to a church. The kid's the mother and the priest were standing at the altar, and as soon and the priest bent over to touch the kid... he suddenly spoke and said "pew wee"! The mother and the priest were amazed and the priest turn around and bent over to grab a towel, and the kid said again "pew wee". The mother and the priest had no idea what he was saying. The priest guessed he want to sit on the pew since he kept trying to get squeezed his hand out of his mothers hand and said "pew me". The mother guessed it was pew we as in can we both sit on the pew. The priest turn to get a bible and the kid jumped up and down pointing at his behind. Quickly the mother understood and calmed him down and left before the priest could returned!
2006-07-03 22:53:38 · answer #4 · answered by JustWondrering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man is sitting in a bar in a harbor town when in walks a real, peg legged, hook for a hand, patch over the eye pirate. The pirate sits down next to him and orders a drink of rum. After a minute, the two begin to make conversation. After several drinks, the guy decides to ask the pirate a question.
" If you don't mind me asking, How did you get your peg leg?"
The pirate replies, " A hurricane came up one night and blew me overboard. While I wuz in the water, a shark came along and ate me leg!"
"Wow! So how did you get your hook?"
"We was commerce raidin' off the Dry Tortugas, when I got in a sword fight with the captain of the ship we was attackin'. He cut off me arm with 'is cutlass."
"Really! Well, what about the patch then? How did you get that?"
"A seagull shat in me eye." He said
"You lost your eye to seagull poo?????"
"Aye, 'twas the first day with me new hook!"
2006-07-03 22:09:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur momz is so nasty, i called her 4 phone sex and she gave me an ear infection.
ur momz is so short she poses 4 trophies.
u missed R. Kelleys after party. It was at Chucky Cheese i mean Toy's R Us i Mean Ray's Splash Mountain.
Ur momz lips r so big she can whisper n her own ear.
ur momz lips r so big Chapstick had 2 make a spray.
2006-07-03 22:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by Slim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Joke: a blind man was walking down the street and then he passed by a fish market and said hello ladies.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
2006-07-03 21:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by PrettyPink 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Q:What do u call pickled bread?
A: dill-dough
Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because its no big deal unless your not getting any.
2006-07-03 21:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by deadnenawalkin669 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mamma jokes......
ur momma is so
nasty..when ever she goes to the gynocologist the gyno comes out in a biohazard suit.
ur mom is so fat scientist claimed each one of her ***
cheeks as thier own contenints
2006-07-03 22:40:48 · answer #9 · answered by Lilmisssassy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo Momma is so FAT that if she sat on a rainbow skiddles would fall down!
2006-07-03 21:53:05 · answer #10 · answered by freddythefly'sfriend 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋