Do you spank your child? If not, how well behaved are they?

Question

I'm just curious. Many people are totally against hitting a child in any way and some are very much for it so long as it leaves no bruises or welts and is limited to the bottom or hands. My own observations are that children who are spanked or slapped on the hand (as well as given verbal explainations of what they did wrong) don't act up as often as those who aren't, especially in public. I was wondering if this is just within my small world or if it may be true.

Just so you know, I have a 2 year old son. We began disciplining him at around 6 months old when he began to crawl and prove understanding of small things. He got slapped on the hands and told "no hands" (electrical outlets, vcr's etc, I don't believe in expecting everyone we know to child proof their house,) we graduated to spanking at 1 year old when he began talking and testing his boundaries to the extremes. Now that he is two, we never have to do more than talk sternly, leaving spankings for when he runs into the street or tries to do something else crazy/dangerous. I just wanted some outside input.

Answer 1

I have two children and yes I did spank - not beat, there is a difference. A swat to get attention or to make a point that is not getting through....yes, spanking is fine in my opinion. You are right for giving verbal explanations, I always gave mine one and made sure they understood. My children NEVER acted up in public, were for the most part very well behaved and did exceptional in school. They knew there were consequences to their behavior - good or bad. For the record, my sister never spanked and I am still embarrassed to go in public with her children and they are grown!!!

Answer 2

I very rarely spank (when I say spank, I usually mean a hand spank) and my child is very well behaved. I have consistant rules and expect her to listen to me the first time. If she misbehaves, she has until the count of 3 to straighten up, then she goes into time-out. I only spank if she still misbehaves while in time-out (or if that one doesn't work that time) or if it's the only pheasible punishment at the time, which is really rare or a dangerous situation where she has to learn NOW (like running off in a parking lot). But no matter what, I always try to explain why she got in trouble and let her know I appreciate it when she's well-behaved, which she almost always is. By the way, my daughter is 3.

Answer 3

Since you mentioned it I want to tell you about my family.

I am one of those people that will spank. However I rarely spank my children. Not because I am against it but because I do not have to.
They know in a situation where they are misbehaving if I need to spank them I will. And they do not want it to get to that point.
If I threaten it I am going to do it. I am not going to waste my own time with idle threats. And they know it.

That is the case with any punishment I might give not just spanking. Consistency is very important. And that is what a lot of parents are lacking...whether they spank or not there has to be some sort of discipline that is actually carried through with. And the children have to be taught that it is there and Will be enforced.

As a result I am a single parent of four VERY well behaved children that have very little problems and who I have no problems taking out to a restaurant, to the mall, or to the grocery store by myself.

Answer 4

while I never considered hand-slapping as spanking, I use it rarely when my daughter needs a reminder. She's only 2 so can't always understand / focus when I explain that the thing she was doing was not ok for some reason. I usually reserve it for dangerous things, not minor annoyances. ( Like trying to touch something hot or sharp) She is one of the most polite and HAPPY children I know. She says her pleases and thank you's, climbs in bed when I tell her to, comes to me when I call ( most of the time lol) and listens when I say no.She always has a smile on her face and genuinely loves to run and yell and play and climb. I believe children need structure,stability, and familiarity in their lives to help them focus on being a child. 50 years ago, this wasn't even an issue, and kids were much better behaved.

Answer 5

I would say no don't spank once you spank with your hand you will be tempted to use your fist, then the belt,cords,ropes the whole works of physical abuse. This abuse started over something small which could have been resolved verbally in a calm matter. I know because I was a victim of physical abuse(by both parents) and I would never hit any my children whenever I should have some in the future.

Answer 6

I was spanked a total of maybe 3 or 4 times as a child. My mother and father are both ANTI SPANKING. Any school i went to was never allowed to paddle me. I WAS NEVER in any trouble in school. I grew up pretty well rounded. One spanking i got was for setting a umbrella on fire age 4. Biting my brother on the back age 3. One I was 7 I called my mom a b**ch she spanked me, I TO this day have never called her another name. I do belive there are times it can be used corrective and rightly. However I know prov en FACT parents who spank for ANY mis behavior don't have better behaved kids. When force is always used it's unhealthy the children get so use to it then are desensitized. I don't even believe in bare bottom spanks it's degrading and dehumanizing. My kids are not spanked as a gereral rule to corret mis behaving. There have been time that a swat has kept them in line. I think ANY parent who hits in the head legs back NEEDS HELP. That is abuse your child is not there as your personal punching bag. Spanking should be a LAST resort kids who are never forced to behave like standing in a cornor spanking are hard to get to behave they know nothing will be done. Kids who are always hit can became abusive adults in their own relationships. I know a couple who sanks FOR anything out of line, their 4 kids are mean BRATS. In general some kids need more correction then others.

Answer 7

Very rarely! I don't think hitting helps anything but it is us parents acting out in anger, it is a quick fix for us, not them. What lesson did they learn? That you hit when things don't go your way? Would you hit your boss? A friend?
The few times I did I felt awful! It didn't help the behavior at all, just made them fear me, I want my kids to RESPECT me, not fear me. I think the loss of priviledges helps, time outs when they are young, Kids should have consequences but I don't think spanking helps that at all. Consistency and rules is the best way to get things from your kids. Kids test and will test, it is our job as parents to set boundaries and stick to our threats of the punishment. Being a parent is tough, I was only spanked as a child if I lied or hit my brother. There are no easy answers and it depends on each child too.

Answer 8

I never spanked my daughter. She's starting her last year in college and except for 1 or 2 bad report cards in middle school we've never had any trouble out of her. I think people who resort to spanking are just too lazy to learn another way. If you hit a grown-up you would go to jail, why is it OK to hit your own children?

Answer 9

I never spank my kids. My kids are on a ready system.
I can sort of explain it here.
1st - instead of spankings - they get sit outs. A sit out is where the child sits Indian style on the floor with their hands on their knees. They sit quietly facing the room for 1 minute. At the end of the minute - they have to say why they got the sit out, and what they should have done instead. The other steps are as follows,
if the sit out doesn't work - they get a practice sit out - (facing out of the room instead of in it) they do that for 1 minute - then go on to a sit out for an additional minute. If that doesn't work they go to to a corner (facing the wall) for 1 minute and then onto a practice sit out and regular sit out. If the corner is not enough they get a practice corner (facing the wall with me or hubby up against them) - then on to the other steps each for 1 minute.
In addition to the sit outs (etc) they also get to earn tokens. The tokens are used to buy things (toys, treats, get out of chore etc) They get to shop 2 days a week.
My kids are very well disciplined using this method.
It has changed our lives so much because the kids feel they have more control over what happens.

Answer 10

I'm beginning to wonder also..... My four year old son has never been spanked, and he doesn't listen to a thing I say. People are too scared to check their kids the old fashion way. I say spanking is necessary but how can a person bring themselves to do it? I don't think I can. I'll be watching you question for other answers. Good one!