how does one cope with abandoment from parents. i have lived half my life with being in system of dcfs?

Answer 1

Set some goals for your own life and work from there. If your parents have abandon you, you can't do anything about that because the only person you can control is yourself. I know the system you are in isn't a good one but there are some good people in it. Try to find a mentor, someone to help you accomplish some of your goals. If you can do that, you will begin to take small steps towards a good life for yourself.

Also, don't get discouraged if your mentor takes you to a point and doesn't seem to be of any help after a while. Just find a new mentor because sometimes a person can only take you so far. The point is to keep going when someone else has stopped.

Also know that there is a merciful God who loves you. Take care.

Answer 2

Living in the system can be alone and isolating.

Many of our clients have either lost children to the system, or have themselves been raised through the system. It is impersonal and matching appropriate foster families with children is a very difficult job. Some foster families care a great deal for their charges and will treat them as their own, but in our experience, this is the minority.

Many people ageing out of the system are left without appropriate coping skills and assessment tools; they often end up welfare or other social services without knowing what it takes to become an independent man or woman.

I think the best solution is finding a good counselor that specializes in working with people who have been raised in the system and have experienced significant abandonment issues. The impact of abandonment can be far reaching, but let me assure you -- you can get better and you can live a better life. You just need the proper supports to reach out for it.

I wish you well.

Answer 3

It's really tough. You feel as though you were not ment to be born. You feel really alone. You will have to find your own peace. People will tell you to "let go of the past" but it is always a constant thought. I am 34 and still remember every detail of being taken from my dad at 3, then at 6 being taken from my abusive mom and stepdad. At 19 I looked up my dad, he's a bad alcholic and drug abuser...even though I was removed from them I feel into drugs at 21. I'm clean now but still blame them for my horrible life experiences. You gotta let go of the anger. No one can tell you how, they can give you sugesstions, put you on meds but the thought is still there...what did I do to deserve this life? Why couldn't I be raised in a loving and caring home? Therapy helps some people as do meds...they didn't help me. I am no longer angry at them because I know I was better off without them. Foster care bites, but hopefully you have not endured more abuse in them. I did. I ran at 14 and been on my own since. No one helped me, I struggled on my own until I learned to trust in a friend, then another until I had my own family built around me. Time will heal you but only if you let the anger go and face the pains of abandonment. Blame them, not yourself or everyone around you. There are a few good people left in the world. I feel you.

Answer 4

My mom was very young when she had me.She was 19years old.Young,wild,partying constantly,doing drugs etc.My mom couldnt stop her drug habits and all the other partying bull.Soon enough DCFS had come and taken my brother and i.My older brother had been living on the streets.I went through 3 fosters homes and my brother had been through 7.As my oldest brother was still on the streets.How i cope with it.I have times where i cant and other times it makes me wonder why she couldnt take care of us?!As for my biological dad.He was gone right when my mom got pregnent the first time.I say there loss they dont relize what they missed out on.Its a very emotional and deppressing thing to have to deal with.As you get older you will get over it.Need someone to talk to feel free to instant message me on yahoo if you have yahoo my screenname is blue_eyez13086.

Answer 5

Get a piece of paper and pen, write your parents name at the top.
Now list every thing your parent failed to provide to you. Be very thorough, as this is a very important list. Now go to the top of the page and erase their name's and put your name there. This will provide you with an idea of what you should be giving your self as a human being. Parents are fallible , they make mistakes, some time horrible , nothing can make it right mistakes. But know ! No parent wakes up and deliberately plans to mess up their kids as good as they can. Shame on them for their failings, but if you have the power to help yourself and don't because they failed u in many ways, shame on you! I hope you find a path to peace and love and forgivness for them and move on.

Answer 6

hi, again. what i mentioned by way of resources regarding your question on your boss/work situation will be just as helpful here, i think. while it may not provide the "complete cure", it will provide dramatic improvements. a major key to all dis-ease, physical and psychological, which is just now being realized by western medicine, is that detoxifying and balancing the "energy body" goes a very long way in keeping us healthy at all levels of being. and, that these "levels" are not separate, but form a unified field..the orientals, and others have known this for thousands of years. but, in our hypermaterialistic and mechanistic culture, these "truths" were overlooked. so, young lady, meditation, exercise, and other "energy work": chi kung, reiki, tai chi, jin shin jyutsu, acupuncture, yoga might best be on your list of things to do, along with appropriate counseling, if that seems called for. you have a long life ahead of you yet, so healing yourself now is a great idea, so that you can enjoy it as much as possible. again, best of good fortune!

Answer 7

Keep reminding yourself that the problem is THEIRS, not yours. They were incapable of being parents and it had nothing to do with who you are.
And remember that as you grow up, you define who you become, not your parents, not DCFS, not anyone.
I know you will make it. This time sucks, but you will make it through and create your own life.

Answer 8

i personaly dont really care for my parents abandoment for myself and my older sister. what is dcfs?

Answer 9

You just can't blame yourself. They obviously were not able to be parents, and that is nothing you could have changed. Good luck to you, don't lose faith.

Answer 10

it takes time. eventually i realized that it was their loss. i am a good person and there is nothing wrong with me. my personal situation has made me a strong, smart woman. i used what use to bring me down as a lesson. what you take from that lesson is up to you.