My guy constantly talks about his exes. It bothers me. I dont talk about mine! Isnt that the way it should be?

Question

I screwed up the details on my last question. Let's try again, shall we?

So... my boyfriend of 5 months is always talking about them. I bet I hear at least one story a day. He shows me pictures of them on MySpace and he talks about how things were and what they did back in the day.

It makes me feel sad, like I'm just one of the many instead of someone special. I don't want to think about him being with someone else, you know? I love him and I honestly don't think he's doing it intentionally, but it hurts. I make a point not to talk about my exes because it'd make him uncomfortable, but he doesn't extend the same courtesy.

My question is: isn't that how it should be? Isn't that one of the unwritten rules of dating? I always thought so! I mean, I appreciate his honesty (I guess it's good that he wants to share everything with me like this), but it seems to me that this is a case of oversharing. Am I wrong? Am I overreacting? I'd like to get some opinions here before we talk about it

Thought I'd mention that it isn't one specific girlfriend that he talks about, just his past girlfriends in general.

Answer 1

Although it sounds like he may be talking about his exes more than he should, one thing to remind yourself is that these people are his past, and everyone's past relationships help mold them into who they are with you. I don't believe there are (or should be) unwritten rules in any relationship. Men and women should discuss, and communicate their feelings and objections to things your partner may do that upsets you. Don't assume he knows you're upset about anything.You would compliment him and thank him for good things he does, so be sure to be just as verbal when bad things come along. One key to having good communication with each other is putting yourself in their shoes. If you aren't talking about YOUR exes, ask him how it would make him feel if you were? Point out that you appreciate him for his honestly, and his "good memories" but that you want to make your own memories with him.
I have maintained good relationships with most of my exes. Now and then I share memories with whomever I"m with, that happened with someone else. Life is full of experiences we all share with lots of people. You do have the right to ask he limit the "memory lane of exes" . But at the same time, remember you do not have the right to ask that he forget about his exes. If he still has fond memories of past relationships, chances are he will remain fond of you. It's up to you to find the right balance that could make you more than someone special to him.

Answer 2

Yup, I agree with you. Nothing makes you feel worse about yourself than him keeping on going on about how great such and such was and what a fantastic time they had when they did this or that. Ooo, it must drive you barmy! I have been with my guy for almost 18 years and I don't even like to hear about his experiences before we were together - even though they were just stupid teenage fumbles and quick ones! It is not at all nice to imagine these things and you should tell him so. He is just being selfish. Yeah he might enjoy his memories but that is what they are, in the past and he should leave them there!

Tell him sweetie, you've got to! Good luck!!

Answer 3

The past is the past and by him bringing up constantly says he has not let go of it yet. He should be focusing his time and energy on you and not what was. He has not a clue that what he is doing is hurting you and driving you away from him. You need to let him know that it is you and him, not you , him and the ex's. If he wants them go get them but you wont be there when he gets back. If after you talk to him about it, if there is no change then girl, it is time to kick him to the curb with the rest of his ex's

Answer 4

As a man, I can say that your guy is stupid. Never, ever talk about your exes with your new girl, not even when she asks about them. He should say that they meant nothing. However, the world is full of stupid men, so...When a guy does talk about his exes, look at the content of what he says. If he talks about how mean or cruel they were, that's good because it tells you what he doesn't like and he's saying that you aren't like that. If he talks about the good times , the good things his exes did to him, that could be bad as if he's saying you don't do that. Your best bet is to open and honest, without sounding demanding, harsh or insulting and tell him how you feel. If it makes him mad, he doesn't love you enough.

Answer 5

while you are getting this information learn from it, learn why they broke up, and remember it. It will at least give you some insight on some of your own future fights.

try and talk to him about it, or next time he tells you a repeat story, cut him off and finish for him. Hopefully he will get the hint that he talks too much about them if you already know what he is going to say.

lastly, just remember that if you two break up that you will be someone that he talks about, so just don't do anything too incriminating, he seems to have a bit of a big mouth.

Answer 6

this is NOT how its supposed to be in any way shape or form.It sounds like this guy is really insecure and the only way he thinks hes showing just how macho he is , is thru stupidity, thats why guys are such idiots when it comes to the opposite sex. Instead of his has beens, he should be concentrating on you and your interests, hell get farther, but if you look at it another way if he is such a "catch" why is he hanging onto his has beens, Youre better then that so dump him and find someone nice who is interested in you and not giving history lessons, good luck

Answer 7

Girl tell him the past is the past. Let him know that his exes are in the past and he should leave them there. Have you tried telling him how you feel about it when he talks about them. If he has respect and love for you, he should only focus on you and only.

Answer 8

Sometimes I think it is a NO NO to talk about exes, the past is the past. However sometimes it's healthy to talk about them, if you can be open and honest with each other about past loves, then obviously the relationship is a healthy one. If you can't, then perhaps there is a problem.....are you jealous? He is with you, not them, so you should be happy with that. Otherwise tell your boyfriend how you are feeling. Be open with him ok?
Trent

Answer 9

well see if u start talkin bout all ur ex's what his responce is. if he says anything negative then say well u know how i feel now, see they call them ex's for a reason. but u have a right to the same courtesy , he shouldnt do that to u.

Answer 10

I think you should talk to your bf and see if something changes over time. Good luck