Who should and can I talk to before I lose my mind?

Question

I am a 27 year old single mother with a daughter's father who has a girlfriend but as soon as I started dating now he does nothing for us. I've been so stressed I lost my job a month ago I'm starting a new one in 2 WEEKS!!!! Unemployement was denied so yes my bills are piling up. Me and the person I am dating continue to bump heads. But the bottom line is I have a 6 year old daughter in the middle of chaos with two disfunctional parents. It is no fair we brought her here. Now I will never have another child again. My car was broken into and my radio was stolen and that was the straw that broke the camels back! For the first time I have actually thought about suicide. I don't want this unstable life for my baby! I have friends and loved ones but I don't think they can help me with this. So I came to the internet not knowing just what to type in the address field. But yahoo is my homepage and ASK YAHOO jumped out at me. Whatever info you have even an inspiring word or experience please!

Answer 1

I know that things get overwhelming. Sometimes you would swear that there is no way out. But believe me, there is. I had a severe anxiety issue a few years back. I went to a local place called portage path, a gov. funded organization that deals with mental health. These facilities exist in every major city in the U.S. I started on medication, got my head back in the right place, and the rest of my life is slowly falling in line. You have to remember, just as the counselor told me, the world isn't going to end, you have to slow down and take it 1 day at a time. I would suggest you start by not dating right now. Life is complicated enough, without the hassle of selfish young men. Your daughter needs you around, and you need her. Just for now, be together as a family, and don't worry about dating. Next, there are programs out there that help single women in your situation, you can find them in your local phone book. Next, find some info about child support, and make him pay if he doesn't want to. He had no problem jumping into bed, now its time for him to be a man. when you get back on your feet, then get back into dating, and a nice young man will come along. You hit the nail on the head with the "unstable" comment. Your child needs stability, and part of that is not having men in and out of her life. Right now, you are her only source of stability, and you MUST be strong for her sake. I think you will be just fine, if you remember that life is about family, love for children, and friendship.You must isolate yourself, not from people in general, but from crappy people who don't care about anyone but themselves. Its time to be a little selfish, you and your daughter have got to be #1 to you right now. I have struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, among other things in the past. I have hit ROCK BOTTOM, much like you have, and I promise, as long as you keep your priorities right, things will improve. I wish I had all the answers for you, but I do not. Please, whatever you do, don't let your daughter grow up without her mother. It sounds as though you genuinely love your daughter, and together the two of you can make it. Also, you must remember to use the time with your daughter as an escape, rather than a time to vent. You must not bog down her innocent mind with troubles, keep her innocent, and show her as much love as possible. She will always love you in return, and the love of a child can be a great source of strength. Keep your head up, try to stay positive, and if you would like feel free to email me. I am sure my wife would have good advice for you as well, and I am sure she would take the time to communicate with you. We are a young( I"m 26, she's 19), struggling couple, and learning to cope with the hardships of life ourselves. Take care and God bless you.

Answer 2

Oh honey, I hear you loud and clear!!! Been there, done that doesn't even START to describe it. Call your creditors and see if you can't get them to back off (TELL them that if they don't you won't be able to pay ANYONE). Don't expect help from your daughter's sperm-donor, it won't happen and it will only cause you MORE stress fighting with him about it. What you should probably do is take the high road--go to college. Hold on. I know it sounds like just 1 more hassle, but listen a minute. Apply for grants from your local community college, enroll at least part time, tell your boyfriend that he needs to stand behind you on this or leave (I know, it's hard enough to keep a relationship going when you're a single mom without making demands, but if he cares he will understand), request work-study (you can later use this on your resume as job experience). The benefits of this are multiple and far reaching. 1. The college should be able to provide you with enough in grant money to pay for your classes with a little left over for living expenses. 2. You will be improving your employability which means better jobs and more money. 3. You will show your daughter that an education is important. 4. If your boyfriend sticks it out with you, you'll wind up with a better relationship. 4. If he leaves, you'll be in a place to find a better man. 5. Work-study is more than just financial aid--it's a real part-time job. 6. You can later just thumb your nose at your daughter's father. 7. You will make a lot of good friends who share your story and you won't feel so alone against the world. 8. You can start having a career rather than just another job. Good luck (at this point you need it, I know only too well)

Answer 3

The first thing to do would be to find help or talk to someone you trust about the thoughts of suicide, your daughter needs you and if you love her which I'm sure you do then you shouldn't even think about leaving her in this world, your her mother and she needs you more than you'll ever know, I hope you read this and fully understand that is coming from a mother and I have a daughter as well. Second we are all going to go through things that we feel is impossible to make it thorugh BUT just when we think we can't go on that's when we find our inner strength and we know that we have no other choice but to go on baby girl... I've always been told that if God brought you to it, he'll bring you through it! and I believe it !!! also if at all possible see about getting any type of assistance possible, something is bound to fall through, another thing would be to put that sorry excuse for a man on child support and let him know first... that he has an obligation to your child no matter who you date or what goes on between you & him the child should not suffer and also that when you suffer & stress your child suffers and your right she shouldn't be in the middle of that. As far as your radio that can be replaced just be thankful you have your life, health & a beautiful daughter, know this... there is always someone else out there worse off and that's a fact! And watch that new man you have too, it could be that you all are just butting heads b/c the stress and tension BUT keep in mind you can do bad on your own and if he is starting to seem like some additional stress/ bagged... LET HIM GO TOO!! Keep your head up, trouble don't last always, it too will past you'll see, I know for a fact that it's better said than done but hang in there if not for yourself than for your daughter, we women are a strong creature and a force not to be reconded with, we always land on our feet somehow!

Answer 4

You are under a lot of stress. Committing suicide will only make your child scarred for life and I know you don't want to do that. Look for counseling that goes on a sliding scale or possible free. You feel everything is piling up and you're overwhelmed. It's a terrible feeling but you need to take a deep breath and prioritize your problems and work on solving only one or two first. You have a new job, so that is a good thing. Contact the companies whose bills you are behind on and make payment arrangements with them. They much rather hear from you than for you to ignore the situation. You cant do anything about the car being broken into, so try to get past the vulnerability and anger you feel about that and put your energy into solving a higher priority problem. You can live without your car stereo for now. Why can't your friends and loved ones help you ? They may not be able to give you money to catch up, but they can listen to you and let you vent. Keeping it in will only make it fester... look what its causing you to do.. thinking of suicide! You are not alone, girl. You can get through this. Also don't let your boyfriend push your buttons and argue with you. He needs to be emotionally supportive or you don't need the added drama. Take a deep breath, and take my advice. I"ve been there; it's not a nice place to be , but you'll get through it. Let your friends and family help you. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

Been in your shoes. Get tough. How much do you love your child. That is how hard you fight.

Find a church in your area. Get some support from Christian friends. You are not alone. You will get through this. No it will not be easy. Nothing worth doing is ever easy!

I don't know you or your beliefs, but I just know I had to say this. Take care of your child FIRST. You are right. She does not deserve this and neither do you! But here you are.

Forget about the bills. I don't mean create more bills that you know you can't pay. Just don't beat yourself up over things that you cannot control. If you can't pay them right now, that does not make you a bad person. Things ARE changing. You said you were starting a new job in 2 weeks. Hang on to that blessing! When they are few and far between, you learn to appreciate every one of them.

Are men a luxury that you can afford right now? Do you have the time and energy to give to a man? If not, cut the cord. Doesn't sound like he makes you that happy anyway.

You are a woman! You are strong! You don't need anyone to lean on. Fight like you have never fought before!

I told you I have been in your shoes. My son is now a nuclear reactor operator in the Navy. We made it through and so will you!

Answer 6

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Things will get better. If you're at the end of your rope it can't get worse. I'm not sure if you're religious or spiritual, but just to let you know.. God never lets us take on more than we can handle. Sometimes we make bad decisions, or other people around us do.. but somehow it all comes out in the wash.

I am 21 years old and I have a 4 year old and a 16 month old. Sometimes I feel it's not fair for them to have to live with a single mother .. other times I look at them and see how well they are doing and how much they are thriving and I know I'm doing a great job. There are good times and there are bad times. You have to take them all, and I know you will agree that the good times are worth the bad. I'm having a *terrible terrible* day but I know that it can only last so long. Don't feel too bad about your stereo, maybe you can enjoy some peace and quiet while driving. It's all about how you look at it. I don't have a stereo in my car either and sometimes it drives me nuts but sometimes it's nice.

You've got to try and look at the glass as half-full instead of half-empty. I *know* this is hard, but it can be done. :) Good luck, and I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.

Answer 7

Oh wow, I thought I was the only one who has ran into a messed up life like that. I too had the similarities to what you just said about you becoming a single mother and raising a child on her own.Except two diffrences, I had two daughters that I had to raise. And I didn't really have anyone to turn to. I was working and had lost my job, due to the fact that I didn't have anyone that would watch my kids. I couldn't get daycare, because my kids thought I was gonna leave them alone and never come back. Because that's exactly what their dad did to us, just up and left and never came back or even called us. So I had the hardest time even heading off to the restroom by myself. I had to seek counseling first and had to get some help through welfare, until I was able to get a job and childcare. I noticed there was a big diffrence with myself and my kids. Than I also even started to go out atleast once or even twice a month just to have my time to myself. It is truly hard not having anything or any help and I felt like I was drowning in debt and not having a shoulder to cry on. No one understood anything about me. I found a friend later on, and we started to date. He had a son of his own and truly helped me through parts of the harder time with my kids (by the way they were only 1 and 3.)Now, I found my best friend, partner for life and we now have 3 daughters. 2 from the guy before. When times do get tough, just remember you have a beautiful child that needs you that only has you, that you cannot give up on. I know you love that child, because if you didn't you wouldn't have gone this far. About everything else...its materiallistic and can be replaced. With the guy that you keep head butting with, does he make you happy? Is he worth headbutting with, and hurting that child that way. Remember that baby comes first!

Answer 8

OK, first of all, commiting suicide is definitely not going to provide a stable life for your child!! My sis tried suicide 3 times, and is unstable, so I took in her children to raise. Suicide will tell your child she's not important enough for you to fight for!! That giving up is the best way. Is that what you want for her? Is that how you want her to remember you? I think not. Doesn't matter how poor you are if you're making a effort to better yourself and just making the best of what you've got, your child will grow up having TONS of RESPECT for you; and THAT is what you want her to learn. Am I right? You must love her more than anything to want stability for her, so don't get sidetracked by a rocky relationship either. Your daughter should be #1 always. If your relationship is causing chaos around her then you need to end the relationship, NOT your life. You won't be alone forever. Be true to yourself and your child, because those two things-you'll always have. Good luck, and hang in there!

Answer 9

Poor you! Been there, done that....Okay so now that we've had a pity party, you need a plan of action.

Make a list of all the things you can do to turn your life around and pull you back from the edge of sanity. There's short term and long term tasks lists.

1. Call your creditors and let them know your situation as well as when they can expect you will be back on track with your payments. This will get them off your backs.
2. Call your local mental health department or clinic to find our where you might be able to get some free counselling. You don't need to go through this alone! I'm not saying you're bonkers but when I went through my divorce I found that just going to see a counsellor once every couple of weeks and just telling them about the horrible things that were going on with me was a great help. An impartial 3rd party can definitely help.
3. Call your local law society and find out about legal aid and get child support. He helped bring her into this world and he cannot forget his obligations to his child.
4. You may want to re-think your new beau. With all that's going on in your life, if he's not going to support you through this trying time then some space between you may be appropriate.

Good luck with this....just remember that your daughter is better off with ONE good parent and that's going to have to be you. I'll leave you with a quote "That which does not kill you only makes you stronger". Yes, these are bad times but they don't last forever. Take the next steps to get your life back on track.

Answer 10

Suicide is not the answer, think of your daughter. No matter how down you get there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I have also had times in my life that I thought being dead would be best but I think of my son and how much I love him, if anything your daughter should be the reason for you to go on, I don't know what state you live in but I'm sure you can get some help until you get on your feet and if you believe in prayer that will help, leave it all to god and everything will workout and you say you have friends and loved ones I'm pretty sure they will help, especially if they know you are thinking of suicide, you just have to stay positive, have faith and hope, life is not easy, I know for a fact that when things start to go on it's one thing after another but trust me it will get better, life is precious, don't do anything that will cause your daught or family pain, talk to someone, get some help. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Answer 11

First thing is dont commit suicide! You daughter will love you no matter what...it might be har for a while but hang in there...my husband was out of work for 3 months and our daughter was around 7 mths at the time....i had a job but i only worked about 30-32 hours a week at 8.15 an hour.. we were 3 months behind on our car payment and had all kinds of medical bills and credit card bills..we lived on credit for those 3 months and also around the same time my mother in law had a stroke and my husband wrecked the car so for those 3 months we didnt have a car. Try getting on food stamps..if you have proof that you are out of a job they will give you them(at least in Arkansas) and will give you the past months in stamps also.