I have been with him for 5 years. Things were very good. I know that he cares, but i was never sure he cared enough for this relationship to someday go further. 4 a long time i was perfectly ok with just taking things 1 day at a time & seeing where things go. i knew that he was hurt in his past relationships & he has told me in the past that saying i love you is very hard for him. He says that actions should be enough. But a few months ago i started to thing more seriosly about my future with him. i now needed him to confirm that he loved me because i was never 100% sure. But i never had the courage 2 put my foot down. Instead, i've unintentionally have become resentful. I was picking fights over little things. He confronted me about this finally. I admtted that i was wrong to be so mean to him & i explained how i felt. he still couldn't tell me he loved me. He said he just wasn't sure. I thanked him for being honest & i said this was not enough 4 me. I fear i made the wrong decision.
2006-07-03 10:21:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
After 5 years he doesn't know if he loves you? You didn't make a mistake.
2006-07-03 10:26:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is rough. If it's any consoloation (and, unfortunately, I know it isn't) I was on the other side (IE broke up after 5 years because *she* couldn't handle more commitment) and the pain does lessen over time.
After a year, a man should not only know his feelings, but should really care about you or he's just messing around. If anything, you were too patient with this man-child and gave him more than he deserved. (Heck, in retrospect, I wish I hadn't blown 5 years on someone who didn't appreciate my love and attention when there are women out there who would!)
Regrets are natural, after all you probably had some very good times together. But don't let rose colored glasses, or panic, cloud your decision. Move on to bigger and better things. There is someone out there willing to give you the love and commitment you deserve. Now quit wasting time on the internet and get out there and find him ;-).
2006-07-03 17:35:28 · answer #2 · answered by James M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you need more from him than he's willing, ready or able to give, take some time to re-evaluate if you're prepared to settle for this or stand firm. There isn't always an easy fix it answer - but i think you will be more satisfied in the long run.
good luck to you both :)
p.s.
I don't think you were consciously being "mean" to him..you have a right to your needs as well as he does.
and the fact that you admitted & apologized for picking fights for some other reason should be enough, be careful of him using guilt & such to hide behind the issue. Manipulation isn't pretty or kind & has no place in love.
What's it gonna take for him to be sure?? some people say it once every 10 yrs..he may be one of those people. Trust doesn't come easy, if EVER. You have to know who you are, as well who you are in the relationship & who you are to him, without his confirmation or convincing.. when you begin to display these characteristics, I think he will loosen up & be more trusting. :))
2006-07-03 17:33:51 · answer #3 · answered by Jojo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, be proud of yourself for standing up for what you want!!! Five years is a long time to be w/ someone and if he's still not sure then maybe he'll never be "sure". You're not wrong about thinking about your future w/ him especially after being together for 5 years. He's just not ready to give you more of a commitment now and maybe he'll never be ready, so I think you did the right thing. Relationships are always about timing and do you really want to wait another couple of years hoping that one day he'll be "sure" about you???
Just hang in there, stay strong and remember there's nothing wrong w/ asking for what you want.
2006-07-03 17:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by jl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you did make the wrong decision because you started the fights and the past is over with that was a stupid decision to break up with him i am sure he would have forgot about his past!!!!!! ( try to get back together)
2006-07-03 17:28:14 · answer #5 · answered by sexybabe11 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how u feel, but i still deal with my problem i soo totally regret it and i'm hoping the dude will give me another chance,, maybe u should try to get back with him and tell him how u feel now. Hope It Works Out!!
2006-07-03 17:27:05 · answer #6 · answered by gabby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i just got of a four year relationship i felt bad but then again i didn't want to be with someone that did not love me the same way i loved him ...............guys/girls should be able to show affection almost all the time they shouldn't have to be forced and if they do then they don;t need any1
2006-07-03 19:28:25 · answer #7 · answered by mrs. MJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
obviously it's somethng that he can't give you....after 5 years if he still not sure...he will be not sure for the rest of his life with you....
2006-07-03 17:27:27 · answer #8 · answered by sstooc2001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If a man can't tell you he loves you and you have been togeather for 4 years. PLEASE you made the right desicion. You can do better.
2006-07-03 17:28:28 · answer #9 · answered by ♥♥Soon to Be Mrs.F♥♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋