My fiancee's father is ruining not only our relationship, but all of his relationships. My fiancee's parents went through a divorce quite a few years ago, his mom is over it but his dad is still bitter. His father constantly talks about the divorce and now has disowned his other two sons because they "took their mothers side". He is not very polite to me because I refuse to take sides. He also refuses to come to our wedding if my mother-in-law or my bother-in-law are there, in turn forcing my fiancee and I to chose sides (which I do not want to do). My parents are not together and they do not cause similar problems. We have two kids and I do not want to force them or my fiancee to stop communication with my father-in-law, but he lives to cause problems. ANY suggestions, tips or similar stories and outcomes?
2006-07-03 08:26:07 · 15 answers · asked by M Elizabeth M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My answer for anyone who asks me to take their side between them and another human being like this is "Don't make me choose who to pick in this case, because you won't like the answer." If you want your mil and bil at your wedding, and he refuses to attend if they're there, then too bad for him. Please don't let him ruin your special day, because it sounds like that's what he's trying to do. Be polite, tell him you hope he'll change his mind, but if he attends you expect him to be polite to all family members, and if he cannot handle that simple request, then you'd rather he not attend. BTW, your financee should be the one telling him this...NOT you. My hubby and I have a firm rule, I handle my side of the family, he handles his. Works great.
2006-07-14 16:11:41 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've seen that happen to a couple of girls. The father was so mad because his wife divorced him he acted just like you described, wedding and all. Luckily, he finally simmered down long enough to give his daughter away at the wedding and when a granchild was born of the other, he finally went to see it. He still talks about it and won't be in the same room with his ex-wife. Your fiance can try to talk some sense into him, but if he can't behave himself, maybe you'd be lucky if he doesn't come to the wedding.
2006-07-11 00:45:42 · answer #2 · answered by nobluffzone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage and wedding are about YOU. Invite who you want. Send your father - in law and invitation...If he doesn't show then so be it. You've done your part. Quit trying to please the father-in-law. He has unresolved issues from his divorce that are not your problem. Don't engage him in conversation unless it's about the grandchildren. The more you let him take control the more miserable you'll be.
Father-in-law really has control issues....and he is bitter and needs professional help thru counseling.....
Have a happy life and planning of your wedding...Remember it's about YOU....
2006-07-14 07:08:40 · answer #3 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on with the wedding without him. keep your invitation list as is. obviously, your fiance's father's bitterness is destroying him. don't let him destroy the rest of the family with his immature inability to move on with his life. you extended an invitation to him to attend the wedding, but if he can't find it in him to let all that other "stuff" go and be there on one of the most important days of his son's life, there's nothing more you can do. if he'd rather believe that you chose the "other side" ,so be it. now get out there and live happily every after!!
2006-07-13 18:07:33 · answer #4 · answered by baybeegrl5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let your future father in law know that you understand his pain but this is your special day and that ALL are welcome to attend. If he could put his pain/anguish/temper tantrums aside for just one day, it would be the best wedding gift anyone could give you. If he wasn't there he'd certainly be missed. Hopefully he'll realize that you aren't taking sides and that he is still an important member of the family.
Good luck!
2006-07-12 11:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by baciandrio 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There should be no sides to choose! If the guy is gonna marry you, he'd better take sides with you over his parents! Your problem isn't your Fiancee's dad, it's your fiancee!
2006-07-10 15:36:33 · answer #6 · answered by Privratnik 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to bug off!!!! He needs to grow up and move on with his life. You do not need to have or worry about him on your wedding day! Tell him that if he cant handle being there and acting like an adult then he don't need to come. Be straight and firm.
2006-07-03 15:39:17 · answer #7 · answered by WENDY G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you invie someone to your sedding they dont have to go if they dont want to including parents and in laws, if he is refusing to go then he doesnt have to go. it would be better without him anyway,dont take sides and keep it at that, this is suppose to be your happy day not your in laws. i know it will hurt your hubby to not have his dad there so maybe he should invite him himself and if he doesnt show up you know where the relationship will go. if he wants to see his son happy he will go, if he doesnt then he wont.i think you should keep this happy moment in life and not deal with all the stress.good luck.
2006-07-03 15:41:02 · answer #8 · answered by Christina 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out of the country.
2006-07-03 15:30:46 · answer #9 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me tell u now u cant have a relationship with family involved. people kept telling me this and i dint think it was true but guess what ya.
2006-07-15 00:43:50 · answer #10 · answered by kelly m 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋