22 and divorced, please help, how do i start dating again.?

Question

i'm 22, and i had been with my ex since i was 16, and we got married at 20 and now are divorced.

i've been rebuilding my friendships with people and i started liking this guy who is a 21 and it's weird because you know how different the maturity levels are from someone who hasn't been in a long term relationship, let alone marriage, compaired to someone who has. well we were hanging out and he asked me if i wanted to meet his parents... yikes... this is scary, how do i do this, how do i get through telling them what the last 6 years of my life has been, the other thing is that i moved accross the country when i was 18 to be with my ex husband. and now i love this city but when people ask me "what brought me to madison?" it's hard to answer without a million follow up questions about my ex, marriage, divorce, and the in between.

will i be judged for my last relationship if i start dating someone younger who doesn't have the relationship maturity that i do?

Answer 1

I would sincerely encourage you to take a little time to devote to yourself, maybe even up to a year, before jumping into another serious relationship. Meeting someone's parent's is a big deal. It would be different if he said he wanted you to drop by his place sometime and meet his cat Mr. Tickles. Therefore, you have a lot of healing to do. Because you were with your ex-husband since the age of 16, and married since the age of 20, you have undoubtedly missed the opportunity to just be a free, young beautiful woman. I am sure that you have many goals in life that you want to achieve, before settling down again and possibly having children. Make a list of your short and long term goals and get busy working to achieve them. Now is the time to take care of YOU for a while. Perhaps, when you are on your own two feet, you can begin casually dating again. When I say casually dating, perhaps you could date two or three guys without feeling tied down to either of them, and just enjoy being a young woman, and getting to know who you are and what you want to become.

Answer 2

You shouldn't worry whether you'll be judged or not. His opinion of you will be different (closer to reality, perhaps) when you tell him you've been married and divorced already, but that's natural, not being judgmental. It's far better to tell him the truth, so he can develop feelings for the real you, not a fake version of you. This was a significant part of your life, and while it's important to move on, you also cannot deny the events which have made you who you are today.

And you said you love Madison, so think about why you love the city. What makes you want to live in Madison even though you're now divorced? When people ask what brought you to the area, tell them the things that you love about the city. Tell them the reasons that make you stay. That way, you avoid the million follow-up personal questions while still answering the question, if indirectly.

Answer 3

Don't reveal your past to everyone. If they ask what brought you to Madison, just say you were looking for a new adventure and leave it at that.

You are still very, very young and you really should date a lot of people and make a lot of friends. Don't even consider marriage until you get to know who YOU are.

Go back to school, figure out what you want to do with your life and have fun.

Do go and meet this guy's parents, but just don't reveal a lot about your background. You are not obligated in any way to "tell all". Good luck!

Answer 4

No one has the right to judge you, and you certainly don't have to indulge everyone on your relationship - not everyone needs to know your business.
The only person you should tell is the person you are dating - he does have the right to know about your marriage, divorce, ex, etc. When the time is right there is nothing wrong with telling his parents or friends what happened in your life. Your past is part of who you are today and you can't hide it forever, but you don't need to advertise it either.
When people ask you what brought you to Madison just tell them a friend told you how wonderful it was. They don't need to know that your friend was your boyfriend or that you ended up getting a divorce - and you aren't lying either.
As for your age, you are only 1yr older than him, theres nothing wrong with you dating him. You may find yourself wanting a more mature man, though.

Answer 5

I am 23 and divorced. My ex-husband and I separated at 22 also and we had been together since I was 17. You are asking yourself, "Will I be judged?". I asked myself the exact same question. Surprisingly, guys don't care. They actually see you as someone who is ready to settle down but found the wrong guy. One word of advice: Date guys a little bit older....they are much more mature and also have relationship maturity....somewhat. If you need to talk, e-mail me!

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your divorce. I was in a relationship that lasted for 6 years 2 of them we were married. We did get a divorce. When I had meet someone new it was wierd. But I got used to it. For what ever reasons you got a divorce just be glad that you are not in a relationship that is not good for you. You are very young to be married. Just date and be happy that you are not married. Life does get better.

Answer 7

If this guy loves you he's going to take you as you are. without judging you for you're last relationship, and if you aren't ready to meet his parents just let him know you want to take it slow he'll understand, and when his parents see how much their son cares about you they're going to like you if they don't then the only thing that should matter to you is if he loves you or not everybody else will come around some day. Good Luck!

Answer 8

I think you should date him. You're only 22 years old, and i'm guessing never really "lived" your life. you should be around people closer to your age. Go out and have fun, act 22. You'd be surprised at what a great time you'll have. When people ask why you moved there, just say for a job or something. They don't have to know the exact truth. its none of thier business. if it brings you down answering those types of questions, then you shouldn't answer.

Answer 9

You shouldn't worry about a guys maturity unless he is really childish! You still date now the way you did before you were married-find a guy you like and if you click thats great-if not there are plenty of guys out there. Get out and have a little fun. Your putting way to much thought into something that should be coming naturally to you!!

Answer 10

Hey hun, I'm 23 and Have been separated from my hubby for two and a half years now. Heres my advice... Go for it, but don't invest all of your heart. If you really did love your ex. than dating isn't so bad, but you'll find yourself wanting that comfort level of marriage back and it could scare your new guy off. Also its been two years since I've even spoken to my hubby and i find that he still affects my dating and i still miss him. Just don't get too close too fast. Good Luck