i need help asap everyones advise is welcome?

Question

i'm 21 and have a 3yr old daughter that i love more than life itself, Well my delema is that she does not LISTEN to me or her father, we've tryed everything from talking to her explaining things to her and punishing her and finally spanking her which we found out really does not work. i heard about terrible twos but shes 3 now and still acts up what can i do? please help me.!

Answer 1

Trying different things is one of the worst things you can do. The child needs to know what to expect when they do something wrong.

Come up with a particular consequence for particular actions. (If she doesn't share or pick up a toy then don't let her play with that toy for the rest of the day. If she is disrespectful to you, put her in time out for a certain amount of time.) Be consistent with the punishment you choose.

It is also important to give her the choice, say "You can either listen to me and do what I ask you to do or you can sit in that chair for 15 minutes."

Answer 2

Hi, I'm 21 too with almost a 2 year old and I've heard that three's are actually worse ( not looking forward to it lol) Since punishment doesn't work, I would try taking things away, like for example, when my daughter throws her sippy cup down, the first time I remind her that we don't throw our cups, the second time, I tell her if she throws it again, she's not getting it back, and the third time ( and there usually is a third time) I take it away and do NOT give it back no matter how she screams. You've got to stay firm and set boundaries for her and STICK to them. It will be a huge battle at first, but it will pay off when she knows what she can and can't do. As long as you're consistent ( use the same method, both of you, all the time) she'll come around. Plus, doing this sooner than later gives you a better behaved child in the long run. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well, the 'terrible two' stage doesn't end when they turn 3. It just gets worse. They don't actually start to calm down until they get 5 or 6. Then it turns into immaturity and goofy jokes and remarks. Stick with it, girl, and don't give up.
As far as disciplining her, you have to get a back bone and once you tell her no on something, don't tell her yes later. Inconsistancy is the number one reason why children don't listen. All it takes is ONE time to bend the rules, and after that they will know what they can and can't get away with. They are smarter than you think. Once you say no, mean it! Stick to it, no matter how much she cries, pleads, begs, whines, screams, etc. She only makes all those outbursts b/c she knows you will cave. The first week is the hardest b/c they will test you, but after that, they will start to understand that you and daddy mean business!

Love your avatar, by the way.

Answer 4

She's testing her limits. If she's constantly being punished for everything that she does wrong, she's going to feel like she can't do ANYTHING right--why not act out if everything i do is wrong anyway? You need to praise and reward her good behavior consistantly to let her know there is a way she can make mommy and daddy proud of her. You must also be consistant in your behavior when she has done something bad or has disobeyed you. Try time-outs. Ignore her outbursts (they'll be inevitable) and follow through with the whole punishment--a few minutes only, don't overdo it. When the tantrum is over, explain that you're not mad at her, but that you will not accept her behavior, and she should apologize. Apology accepted and move on (as hard as it might be to not "hold a grudge" for her bratty behavior)

Answer 5

Don't panic! I can help you in detail.

Its too much to relly say or write on here, but email me.

some very simple tools
1. Do not whine or raise your voice to her anymore

2. Give instructions and redirections: tell her what you want without terms of endearment or asking- so, no more "honey, will you please put the toy away?" mm hmm its gotta change starting now to "(name), you need to put the blocks away." , if she does not listen, tell her one more time EXACTLY THE SAME WAY but be SURE she DID hear you. The third time tell her "(name) you need to put the blocks away or you will have a time out"

3. when your daughter does the right things ALWAYS so something to her like "goog Job sweetie, I am so proud of you!"

4. Never force her into affection, or allow other too, never say give me a hug or kiss and then restrain her to get it- dont let anyone ever do that to her!

5. BE CONSISTENT! An earned time out is an earned time out- start with 1 minute. have a designated place- if she does not comply with time out keep putting her back. Have a timer, show her you will set the timer when she is sitting quietly.

6. DO NOT in loud ways, unless it is positve.

Tell me what the problems are specifically and I can help you

Answer 6

3 is a very tough and trying age. Here is what I do with my children and it works:
Take away privileges for misbehavior. For example, "If you throw that toy one more time, I will take them away for the day." Follow through. Use lodgical consequences: For example, If your child wrecks something, take some money out of their money (reward) jar to pay for the damages. If they write on the walls, make them clean it up immediately. If they hurt others, give them an immediate time out. Go down to their level and explain, "This______ is not acceptable." Explain why and gently take them to a quiet time out spot with no distractions. If you do this aggressively because you are angry, they will like the reaction and be pleased they got to you. After the time out, tell them to say sorry to you or the person they hurt. You will probably have to take them to the time out spot a few times because at 3, they don't get the message right away.
Always catch them behaving good and give lots of praise.
Always communicate. Use "I feel or I know statements. "I know you feel sad, hurt, angry and what can we do about it."
This helps them learn to control their emotions and gives them good problem solving skills later in life. Spanking just creates fear, avoidance and aggression. Children calm down instantly when they feel validated in the heat of the moment. Children need to predict the outcome of the situation. Frustration just gets in the way because 3 year olds are impulsive. It is great you recognize that spanking is a poor, ineffective way of discipline. Check below and good luck.

Answer 7

Our daughter (who's now 5) is very independent and opinionated. Spanking and time-outs do absolutely nothing. The only thing that works is taking away fun things or toys that she cherishes. Next time your daughter acts up, remind her that you planned to go to (zoo, park, etc.) but won't be able to go unless she listens to you. If she still does not mind, DO NOT give in. Our daughter just learned to ride a two-wheeler without training wheels, so her favorite thing to do now is ride her bike. If she misbehaves, she loses bike time. Good luck!

Answer 8

Everybody overlooks that the 3s are no better than the 2s, and can be worse.

It's very important to be consistent, but not to be unreasonable. Try a pick your battles, and let her start making some choices for herself. She really needs to at this stage. Give her choices, and go with what she chooses, you may find that helps a lot. Things like which sweater to wear, whether she wants macaroni and cheese or pizza to eat, that sort of thing.

Also, try listening to her. Parents often don't really listen, and that makes children angry.

Answer 9

She's 3......
Just keep on talking and poping her when she does wrong. Time out or put her in a corner. This is the age you got to get a hold on them.
It's living in hell for about 6 months to a year.
She's normal don't worry. My kids were mean as hell at that age. It's a stage you'll get thur it.
Just stay on her 24-7.
Good Luck
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OH your age don't have anything to do with the way she's acting.... Most women have kids at 18 that's good!
Better to have them young then to wait till your old as dirt!
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Answer 10

You were on the right track with explaining to her, she does not respect your authority, but a common misconception is that one can coercively gain that respect, you can't it is earned. She must believe that you are an authority on these subjects, be reasonable and consistent, always give her a reason for why you're doing something, never tell her "because I said so" (I can't stress that enough), and do not reprimand her for questioning your authority, that is a good thing because she's seeking a rationale for your actions, and once she grasps this she will respect you, value your judgment, and seek your advice.