Am I wasting my time by dating him?

Question

I have been "dating" this guy for about a month now. We get along great, everything is going really well. He calls everyday, tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, spends every Saturday night with me. All the right things, except he wants to keep his options open.
I sort of started that by telling him we need to go slow and he's the same way. I went on date with another man on Thursday and he was a bit jealous, but told me he has no right to tell me not to go. I told him I would cancel it if he asked me to.
He said that we need to get perspective and make sure if we end up together it's because we want to be and we're sure we're doing the right thing.
He says that you have to let your heart lead you to the relationship, that you can't put the relationship first, it has to develop naturally.
Well, my feelings have developed and I don't think he'll ever want to just be with me, though he says we're working towards it. Am I wasting my time with a player? do I say I want a relationship?

Answer 1

The least you can do is be honest about your own feelings, then let him decide what he wants. I think you shot yourself on the foot when you asked for an open relationship (BTW, "going slow" is NOT the same thing, ok?). Even if you just start dating someone recently & are not planning marriage, it's rare when 2 people decide at the same time that they want to be exclusive, so the one that decides first will ALWAYS be hurt if the other is still dating others. That can kill things fast.

Trying not to be too stereotypical here, we women tend to want commitment first, if it were up to men they'll have harems & their only worry would be if other men tried to get in on their action. If a man can tolerate you dating others, he'll be delighted if you place no objections to him playing around, especially since he knows too well that as soon as you're serious about him you won't want anyone else. Even in modern society, the main reason men stick to one woman is if they'd lose her if they don't. Yes, there are exceptions, but alas, so rare.

About this guy, if you really want to put the effort, tell him you want to move forward & be exclusive, but he has to be too, that his other affairs hurt you. Get ready for plenty of "It was *your* idea!" moaning, but if he cares about you he'll at least try. By all means break it off if he refuses. Don't hurt yourself further.

Answer 2

Jesus this seems a lot more complicated then it needs to be... if you want to have a relationship, say so... if he doesnt, he should say so. You dont "work" toward becoming committed to another person... it's a human being not road construction. Sounds like both of you are just passing time in a situation you know wont work out in the long run. But whatever the reason, you should just tell him what you want.

Answer 3

I think he likes you but hes probably not ready to settle down. He prefers to see you dating other men at the same time knowing that when he does it you have no choice but to allow it since he "allowed" you. I think you need to tell him how you feel and that you're ready to settle down and according to his answer decide what you have to do. listen to your heart. this is my opinion.Good LUCK!

Answer 4

I personally would tell him how i feel.. life is to short to fart around.. either he's in or not? You usually know right away if there is chemical reactions or not.. sounds like he's playing games..

Answer 5

This is how some guys do it. They want you to remain committed to them while they out and about. Stop dealing with him until he can commit, or you should be allowed to go as you please if he doesn't want to commit. He can't have both.

Answer 6

i think you should break up with him.....he's probably using you.......trust me i now things cause i have been used before and it sucks....but yea....i think you should go for a serious relationship.