MY wedding?

Question

Ok, my wedding is next august....yesterday I was talking about it with my soon to be mother in law, and she hates all of my ideas. I want a black and white wedding. I am wearing black, and my bridesmaids are wearing white. My cake is black with white decor, and she is just bashing all of it!!! She has already planned MY wedding, and she said that too!!! THEN she told her youngest son (who is 10 right now) that he can be the ring bear....and that I would ask him to be....I'm sorry but 11 is to old to be the ring bear...I want my little cousin to be it. And she told me if I didnt ask tyler that he would be hurt! What am I suppose to do in that situation? This woman is driving me crazy. They have all boys, so its not like they have to pay for a wedding and they arent offering to help, and they want my rehersal dinner to be spag. and garlic bread. How do I put up with her until the wedding, and how do I tell her to chill the f**k out with out causing issues?

All of my bridemaids have tried on their dresses, and it looks awsome. I haven't bought mine yet, but its not a goth wedding at all!!! I am one of the most ungoth people there is!!! It looks really good and its different.

Also, I can't stand Tyler. Yesterday at the lake he started crying and screaming cause he couldn't catch a minnow with a net, and his other 2 brothers could (they arent very mature) He takes toy drums away from his 2 year old cousin, and when he doesnt get his way he throws an temper tantrum. He drives me up the wall!!! He is the most obniouxus lil boy I have ever seen. And he does want to be the ring bearer. I dont want him to be....if he wants to be in the wedding, then he can be an usher just like my brother are.

Also, they can afford a super nice dinner. They just spent 1600 on fireworks. If they are willing to spend that much on fire works and like 20 on my dinner, then I'll have some major disscussions with them. I want MY dream wedding, and that includes a nice rehersal dinner.

Answer 1

Wow - you need to think long and hard before joining this family. You plan what you want because your side of the family is paying for it - do not even discuss anything with her. Aviod it. If she really want her other son in the wedding then your fiance needs to ask him to be the little man or something beside him (which would be cute). That's better than the ring bearer - I think your ideas are very unorthodox and I love it!! Do your thing because if you do not then you will regret it your whole life.

Answer 2

11 is way too old to be a ring bearer,. Your fiances brother can be a junior usher instead of ring bearer. Explain to him that ring bearer are little kids and he's a big kid. She can plan all she wants but since you're paying for it you don't have do what she says. Just continue to make your plans and pay your deposits and when she says I planned ________, you say, oh but I already put the deposit on _________ instead. There is nothing wrong with a spaghetti and garlic bread rehearsal dinner. If you want something fancier, than you'll have to pay for it. Where is your fiance in all this? He is the one who needs to manage his mom. good luck

PS - I'm not a big fan of brides who are bridezilla, you know "It's my wedding and I'll do what I want", but the bride and groom have the right to pick the colors for their wedding. Wear what color you want, don't let people tell you that your choice is bad, it's not. I'm not sure about the whole white bridesmaid dresses, alot of people don't look good in white. Maybe you could talk to the girls about it and see what they think. again, good luck

Answer 3

Tell her that it's YOUR wedding, and if she's not going to let you have YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY, then maybe you need to rethink having her for a mother-in-law at all! That ought to let her know how you feel! It's the same as the question of, "Who get's the last slice of pizza?" Whoever is paying for it!!!! The ring bearer is traditionally the choice of the groom. After all, the rings are HIS responsibility, until they are needed. If her 10 or 11 year old son wants to walk down the aisle with a 5 year old flower girl, who do you think is going to look dumb? Explain to Tyler that he's too old, and that his mother is trying to make him look like a child. This will get you an ally in her house. Just go along with YOUR plans the way YOU want them to be, and let her know who the boss of YOUR house hold is going to be. Aside from your future husband, that is!

Answer 4

oh man girl i feel sorry for you. but wait a minute..iv never heard of a brid to wear black. are you gothic or you just want a different wedding then others? i like the idea of flipping black and white the other way. the cake sounds great.
okay well you should have a talk with your man. tell him his mother is being a pain the the aaaaaassssss and tell him you are getting stressed out everytime she plans something for you. tell him that he needs to have a talk with her and have her shut up.
when i had my wedding. NO ONE said anything. i didnt care who was who. i planned my wedding and my husband helped a little .but i said what goes and what doesnt.
so you need to put your foot down. even if it hurts her feelings. who cares. she will get over it. tell her how things will go. if her younger son hets upset that he cant carry the ring, oh well. tell him face to face that he is too old to carry the rings and that he can be along side the best man if you want. or give him something important to do in the wedding, like hold the doors or whatever.
girl you need to take control of your wedding. dont let people tell you how to do things. okay?

Answer 5

What are your parents saying about this? Tell your fiance to sit her down and have a talk with her and not to make her any promises until he discusses it with you. Let the 11 year old escort her down the isle instead of ring bearer. That way he'll still be involved in it. You definetly need to let her know that she got married a long time ago and things are different now, including the person who is paying for it. Good Luck.

Answer 6

look at her in the face nod when she makes a suggestion then go and do it the way you want to. after all its your wedding u dont have to insult her. oh and when she asks why didnt you do it her way tell her cause you thought your way was better. unfortunately you wont be able to discuss the wedding with her anymore or she will make you crazy. and you are right 11 yrs old is too old to be a ring bearer he can be a junior groom...if thats what you want...

Answer 7

Ok, for one, this is YOUR day, second of all, if your husband is feelin the arrangements that you've came up with, then you need to tell her that unless they plan to pitch in on the cost of the wedding, there will be no say so in it. If she pays for your dress, then maybe you'll consider coming up with an arrangement that both of you will be happy with. Theres always give and take and it seems to me that both of you arent willing to budge. As far as the ring bearer...is it really that big of a deal to let him do it if he would be happy to? Tell them to pitch in if they want an opinion, otherwise...butt out!

Answer 8

First you need to tell your soon to be husband what is going on. Take him with you to back you up. Sit the Monster-In- Law down and explain to her that this is YOUR day. She had her wedding now it's time for you to have yours. It would be slightly different if she was paying. This is one day all about you and your fiance. Make it special and let is show the real you. Congratulations and Good Luck.

Answer 9

planning ahead is the best.you and your fiance should really talk more about it.and he is in the hot seat .he is your fiance but he will always be his mothers son.take a break from all the stress and then try again. you cannot please everyone.and it is your wedding, all that matters is that you love each other..if the stress gets too much maybe you could fly to vegas and marry. then when you come home have a reception the way you want with all of the family and friends.no stress..good luck

Answer 10

i am going with greater of a backyard type wedding ceremony... like at an extremely effective southern plantation, have the marriage cerimony interior the interior mid-day, with the reception outdoors interior the night whilst it cools down. i am going with chinese language (or is it eastern?) lantern-esque lighting fixtures with yellow roses and accents of orange with the main significant colour being white. purely some human beings from the two factors of the relatives (like 15-25 each and each). and the nutrients would be set up like an stylish buffet. thats all i've got been given so some distance, yet i think of it is going to likely be the suited wedding ceremony for me (if my destiny husband likes it too).