This weekend my boyfriend and I were in front of his best friend (vinny) and Vinny asked if we were planning on getting married anytime. Before I could answer Matthew snapped no. But the thing is we talk about getting married ALL the time. When i confronted him about it he said Vinny would tease him about it. I feel like if he wants to marry me he should be afraid to tell anyone. Am I wrong?
2006-07-03 05:29:25 · 16 answers · asked by ~*Katie*~ 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Maybe your boyfriend isn't worried about being teased. Maybe he just doesn't want to deal with "So when are you getting married?" or "I thought you were going to ask her." or "Hey, I heard from Vinny that you're getting married."
Men have to deal with a lot of pressure when it comes to proposals and marriage. If he wants to propose to you on his own time without the commentaries from his friends, that's fine. But at the same time you should make sure that he really intends to marry you and make good on his word. I would be cautious of being overly sensitive or suspicious of him, but I would also be cautious of his true intentions and feelings.
I hope all goes well for the two of you!
2006-07-03 11:00:55 · answer #1 · answered by Ren 2 · 8⤊ 0⤋
The issue basically boils down to one thing; avoidance of the truth. In other words lying. If he is saying one thing directly to you, and the complete opposite thing right in front of you to his friend then he is either lying to you or lying to his friend. Neither of these should be tolerated or accepted by you.
The bottom line is, if he is so easily able to lie to his friend, then he will lie to you.
Of course, people will justify lying with all kinds of reasoning. They are confused, afraid of what others think, etc. But, it's all still lying.
My intuition tells me that he probably doesn't really know if he wants to get married yet or not. (Otherwise, you'd probably be engaged and making wedding plans right now) It may be HEADING in that direction, yes ... but a man who wants to marry you will not display this type of behavior. So, he's probably just telling you what you want to hear right now and the truth is that he just doesn't know right now for sure.
The fact that he friend, Vinny even asked if this was something he was considering shows that his friend must accept that the relationship might move in that direction so your boyfriends fear about what Vinny might think about it seems a bit unwarranted, since Vinny asked.
You need to ask yourself if it is acceptable for you to be with someone who isn't honestly expressing his truth to you or to others. And others basically includes you because if a person has it in them to lie, they lie to everybody.
Victoria Wizell
www.hyptalk.com
2006-07-03 13:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by hypwoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to think if this is the way he feels now, do I really want to marry him. I found my prince about 2 years ago with a mother sent from heaven who is very old fashioned and wishes everyday that we would get married. But, my boyfriend has another way of thinking and doesn't think that a ceromony, a church and God should be a deciding factor in our future. We decided a long time ago that getting married is an obligation to us but to other people, but everyday he says he loves me and that he would not trade my daughter and I for the world. Maybe, he doesn't want to "get married" but staying with you is another story.
2006-07-03 12:48:29 · answer #3 · answered by JENNIFER S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds VERY shady - why would someone tease someone else about loving someone and wanting to get married. That is not something people make fun of unless you are 12 but for boys that would be 18. You need to think about your role in this relationship - if he does not think you are "the one" then do not waste your time on it. and vice versa... he has put some doubts in your mind.
2006-07-03 12:45:33 · answer #4 · answered by jessica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE RIGHT ASK HIM HOW IS HE GOING TO STAND BEFORE GOD AND DECLARE YOU THE ONLY WOMAN FOR HIM IF HE CAN ALLOW A FRIEND TO SHAME HIM INTO DENY YOU AS A POTENTIAL WIFE... SIT HIM DOWN AND TALK TO HIM TELL HIM HOW YOU FELT AND LET HIM KNOW THAT HE EMBARRASSED YOU WHEN HE SAID THAT... AND HE MADE HIMSELF OUT TO BE A HYPOCRITE.... AND THE LAST TIME YOU CHECKED VINNY WASN'T PLEASING HIM BED SO IF GE LIKES IT HE MAY NEED TO TELL VINNY WHAT IS UP.... GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS...... MAKE SURE YOU CRY WHILE TELLING HIM WHAT IS GOING ON...
2006-07-03 13:39:01 · answer #5 · answered by rawdawgsgo_hard2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh! I had a similar thing happen to me - my (ex) boyfriend and I were at a bookstore and he ran into someone who he had known from high school ( we are both in our 30's) and she introduced herself and asked if I was his wife...he did the same thing as your BF...snapped "No!" like he was offended at the notion...
this was news to me since he was always talking about marriage and how much he loved me...
It took his ACTIONS to tell me what his words were not...he was in no way ready for marriage. It was very hurtful and I consider that one comment to be the breaking point in that relationship...
They both could have answered in different ways - something a little more kind or caring - maybe like " well, we'll see what happens , or that's between us"....anything except for that harsh tone and ! exclamation following...
Really examine if you want to be in this or not - if he's saying one thing and acting another go with the actions....
2006-07-03 14:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Alauria B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like both of you are young. He might be ashamed of you, but I think he mostly doesn't want his friend to know of your marriage plans - really, it's just between the two of you and once you get the engagement ring, then everybody else can know. He's trying to save himself from ribbing from his friend, but the closer you two become, he should care less about that. Are you guys the first in your group to be considering marriage? If so, that's another reason why he's hesitant. It'll pass - guys just want to look tough in front of their friends. If it doesn't pass, don't marry him.
2006-07-03 12:58:24 · answer #7 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see anything wrong with wanting to keep one's private life private. I think it's definitely for the best to NOT mention conversations about marriage unless and until there is a public announcement of the engagement. Think of the embarrassment if you tell the whole world you and BF are "thinking about getting engaged" and then it never happens.
2006-07-03 13:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, your not wrong. If he doesn't want to say it in front of his friends then that is a problem. Could be he's just telling you what he thinks you want to hear. If a man says in front of you that he wont marry you, believe him.
2006-07-03 12:33:35 · answer #9 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are funny like that. They think that marriage is the end of all of their freedom and fun. If he were to tell his friend that you guys have been talking about it, his friend probably would have made fun of him for wanting to end his freedom and stuff. His friend is probably immature and your bf knows this. He would probably feel more comfortable making the announcement when it is official. Let him be on this one, it's completely different the way girls talk and the way guys talk. Girls talk about marriage and stuff, guys don't.
2006-07-03 12:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by SweetPea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋