Maybe guys can help me understand the male psyche, please! After a few weeks of flirting, lots of interest, compliments and chit-chat in the office, cute guy asks me to go for a drink. When I say yes and email him my availability (which he asks me to do), he doesn't respond for almost a week, then when he does (at my prompting), says he can't do the days suggested, asks for other dates and then ignores the email. In the office, he goes cold, blanks me and resorts to the odd 'hello how are you?'. At the staff party he makes a beeline for me, says he'll get me a drink, which he doesn't, then ignores me for the rest of the night, although he doesn't stop looking over. At one point, we end up standing next to each other, he puts down his glass of wine, mutters something and walks off! Now, if he changed his mind, fine, but this behaviour is at best bizarre, at worst rude!! Any ideas, please?!
2006-07-03 05:23:47 · 21 answers · asked by puzzledfemale! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Tough to answer without knowing the guy. Here are some possibilities:
1. Something has intervened in his life between now and then that has nothing to do with you (new girlfriend, grief (lost a loved one?), sense of inadequacy (financial troubles, etc.)...
2. He has a relationship already, and only intended to "innocently" flirt with you. Once it reached the point of actually "doing" something (like going out), you've reached a line he doesn't want to cross.
3. He lacks social skills and is unable to take it to the next level.
4. He's intimidated by you. He's relatively secure at the office (work is one of the two areas where a man get's his sense of self-esteem), but to reach beyond that safety zone frightens him.
5. He's insecure of his masculinity and needed you to give it a boost. Flirting with you successfully, to the point you actually agree to go out, gives him a "conquest" that feeds his tender ego. (Most guys get this from a sexual conquest, but if he's really insecure he'd be afraid to go that far. Success at flirting is all he thinks he's capable of, and he's guarding his ego from future failure by trying to go further.)
6. He has a pedastal complex. He's put you on a pedastal, an image of wonder and purity that should be inviolate. For you to go out with him might lead to physical affection, which would sully your image.
7. He has an inverse pedastal complex. He has an image of you that is... well, sleazy (it's a reflection of how he sees himself). By agreeing to go out with him, you've affirmed his sleazy image and he's no longer interested (other than checking from time to time to reassure himself he's right.)
8. He may be gay and the office flirting was a cover.
9. Any of these things in combination.
I'm not sure which one, but I'd give you 90% that he fits at least one of these categories.
2006-07-03 05:40:05 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why waste your time trying to figure out what is wrong with him. Obviously something is. Why are you still interested ? If he's going to act this way now just imagine what kind of bf he may be in a year or two. Too much trouble right out of the gate with this one. He is obviously not that into you.
2006-07-03 12:31:11 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like one of the following three things:
1) OCD, or perhaps even adult Aspberger's, and he wants to commit but his psychological disorder prevents him from being able to follow through.
2) He is totally socially clueless and thinks he is acting fine and can't figure out why you are playing hard to get, or not throwing yourself at him.
3) He's psycho. RUN!
Good luck with all that.
2006-07-03 12:27:21 · answer #3 · answered by But why is the rum always gone? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not feed into this anymore. He is really not stable, I would stay away. You want a man that knows what he wants and goes for it. He is being a wussy, or he is playing games with you- both of which are undesireable. Ignore him and realize that work usually isn't the place to find ppl to date.
2006-07-03 12:26:35 · answer #4 · answered by adrixia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has mulitple personality disorder. Get away from him immediately and stay away from him. If he ask you out again tell him about his bizarre behavair and that you dont have time for and are to mature for his games.
2006-07-03 12:26:45 · answer #5 · answered by bree30 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cud b nervous around u? Try initiating conversation to him so he feels comfortable. If this doesn't work just tell him yr no longer interested or uve already got a bf.
2006-07-03 12:26:27 · answer #6 · answered by comostreet 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe someone else is sabotaging you in the office. I think someone has whispered something about you to him whether it be true or not and he's been scared off.
2006-07-03 12:29:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Multiple personalities maybe? Seriously this is odd. Are you sure your talking to the same guy?
2006-07-03 12:26:46 · answer #8 · answered by Hammy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds either gay or one of those "sub" types of guys who want you to do all the work, make the date, etc etc till you finally have to unzip and mount the stupid thing...
2006-07-03 12:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by slick_pavement 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a personality disorder.......... RUN he may be the making of a serial killer
2006-07-03 12:26:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋