I am 12 wks pregnant w/a 1 yr old. I recently found out my husband is smoking crack. What should I do?

Question

I don't want to leave him, and I don't know what to say to get the point accross that I DO have to do what's best for the me, our 1 yr old and our unborn child.

We have been married for 3 years. He grew up without a mother and had a father that smoked and drank everything under the sun. I knew he had a pot and a gambling problem when we got married, he went to counseling for both. He has promised to get counseling. Do you feel I should also try counseling or we should together?

He wasn't doing crack either time that I got pregnant. He does not abuse me, or our son andhe does not do this around the house. He was embarrassed to admit he has a problem. The hardest thing for a person with an addiction is to admit it. There are so many small minded people on this web site. I love this man, and I am proud to say I love this man. And yes, I do love my son and unborn child. But I also have to think of their future. I grew up with both parents and I will fight to keep this family together. I'm not going to give up on him. He has a problem and he is going to get help. I know the effects of crack, so does he. We researched it together. It isn't an everyday problem, and he is NOT an "average crackhead."

Answer 1

Do not fall into the pit of hell because you "love" an idiot. Always, always, always put your children's (and your own) welfare before a fool's. I use this harsh language because I have gone through what you will. I begged and pleaded for my "EX" to go to rehab...problem was he enjoyed doing what he was doing, so rehab was for me not himself. Once he was back at home he was back to CRACK....it owned him then and still does today. My son was 8 years old at the time, he is now 24. I stayed around for two years of broken promises, lost jobs and household goods "disappearing". The jerk even sold his son's bike...what a Dad, huh? Count your loses, tell you OB-Gyn, pack your stuff (or his) and call it quits...quickly. Love yourself and your children more than anything else and before anyone else.

I will pray for you. If you want (or need) to talk feel free to email me. Like I said...been there.

Answer 2

Do you really believe him when he says he'll get help, or do you think he's going to take therapy lightly and sneak around behind your back and "cheat" and fall off the wagon?

RIght now, your number one topmost priority should be your children...no ifs ands or buts about it. This is something you have to decide for yourself. One word of caution...if the police and/or social services ever found out about this, your child (and your yet to be born child, after he's born, of course) would be GONE...regardless of how good a mother you are. The fact of the matter is, you have a crack addict living in your house. That's no atmosphere in which to raise children, regardless of whether he smokes at home or not. Just think...every $5 rock he buys is less formula,diapers and toys for your children.

I'd suggest he check himself into rehab IMMEDIATELY. Forget this 12-step sh!t...he needs to be gone, away from home and all the temptations of buying drugs on the street, for at least a month.

Why would you even consider wanting to stay with your husband if he smokes crack? I'm sorry...I don't mean this to sound harsh...I just can't imagine this situation. Maybe things would be the same for me if I were in your shoes, but I'm not, and I can only give you my perspective. Your babies are important...don't let this man hurt them.

Answer 3

I can't sit here and tell you to leave him just like everybody else. If you're a mature adult I'm sure you will do the right thing. I ask you to PLEASE! think of your unborn child right now. This baby might not be born very healthy. Crack is a very serious drug not only for your husband but also for the people around him in this case especially the children. Do not be surprised when your children are all grown up and you find out they to are doing crack or another illegal drug. That's why I tell you to make the right decision.
Good Luck! =>

Answer 4

Get counseling for both of you but you need to move out and move on for a little while that child does not need to be around that. you can lose your child forever if you do not leave. so you unborn child or your crack head man?


with in six months of your child being taken away it will be put up for adoption. so think long and hard about how much your willing to risk for this man .

Answer 5

Oh Lord Jesus! He is going to need to be confronted by another [recovered] drug addict. What city do you live in? You have to contact an agency and get them to intervene. A minister at the church I attended before I moved from Chicago gave a sermon with his testimony about his descent into drugs after being an officer with the the Sheriff's office for years. Crack sets people on a one track mission toward self-destruction. He came to himself after he'd lost EVERYTHING. He now runs a recovery house for men. I can pray for you. You're going to have to IMMEDIATELY treat your husband with some seriously tough love. Bring family into this. Forget his pride. If you love him, rescuing him is going to mean a lot of lost pride and privacy. Godspeed and congratulations on the new blessing and the little blessing in your life. You'll make it!
With love,
~Sleek

Answer 6

Wake up and smell the roses. Why be with a person who smokes crack? Apparently he does not care for you or those kids, never put a man before your kids that is all I have to say. You do not want your kids around that mess anyway.

Answer 7

He needs professional help. Addictions such as this are usually too strong to be handled without professional help - this is likely consuming everything he does and thinks about. You need to be strong and firm with him and be prepared to take some space from him while he gets his act together. Whatever you do, don't let your children be around him if he continues in his habits - for their future and present, and yours as well. If he believes you are worth it, then he will seek help (or accept it when it is offered to him).

My thoughts are with you - this must be a very hard time for you.

Answer 8

Sweetheart, if your husband refuses to get help with this problem and you don't make a stand to let him know that you will leave him if he does not, then you have no choice but to do what is right for those children. If he continues to get high, he is only going to take all of you down with him. What if he got busted and they take your children?.....This is why you have to do something, before it is too late. Love has nothing to do with this. He has chosen his priority; now it is time for you to choose yours

Answer 9

That's right, you need to do what's best for you, and your children. So, why don't you leave him? Last I checked, crack smoking wasn't good for anyone...you can't control him, only yourself, and you are BY LAW required to take care of your children. If you can't do the right thing, you should stop having kids

Answer 10

I agree with robbet! Tell him to make a choice, rehab and his family, or drugs...if he really cares about you and the kids, he'll quit. But, it's not that easy, if he chooses you and the kids, he'll need all the support he can get, so don't be hard on him at first, but after awhile, you can start being hard on him about it, he may complain about how hard it is, but just tell him he's the one that took the first hit and nobody's fault but his....Did he tell you? Have you confronted him about it yet? Feel free to email me if you would [e-mail]