My fiances coworker is a groomsman in our wedding. He has stated that if there is no alchol served he will not come to the reception. My family is Southern Baptist. None of us drink and neither does my fiance. My fiance feels that his groomsman should not have to come to the reception. I feel he should since he is a member of the wedding party. I am having to include him, his wife and two children in the count for the amount of food to be served at the reception. How can I handle this without it becoming an issue? I feel its rude for him to have said that he'd participate in the wedding but just because there is no alchohol served he's not coming to the reception.
2006-07-03 04:43:48 · 19 answers · asked by beh_sab2002 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If this fellow is unable perform the duties of a groomsman, then he should not have accepted the position. Among the duties of ALL adult members of the wedding party is to be present at the reception acting as deputies of the bridal couple and as assistants to the hosts. If he feels unable to function without alcohol, then he is free to fortify himself in private from a discreet personal supply.
However, there is no way you can compel this lout to meet his obligations. When people inquire about his whereabouts, you respond "He was unable to attend" and leave it at that. Don't be so ungracious as to vent your annoyance. Do your best to be kind to his wife and children; sounds like they need all the kindness they can get.
2006-07-03 07:16:16 · answer #1 · answered by kill_yr_television 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if the problem was reversed...your family were accustomed to drinking and your groomsman was not? I think that if he chooses not to come to the reception then it is totally up to him to decide. He made the decision to be a part of the wedding not the reception. You CHOOSE to not serve alcohol, he CHOOSES not to come to the reception because of it. You don't have a problem, what you really have is a shorter guest list for the reception and you get to save money. It all amounts to "choices". It's your wedding and you have more important things to worry about. Don't let this be an issue. Congratulations!
2006-07-03 05:22:08 · answer #2 · answered by gmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he agreed to be part of the wedding party, he agreed to be a part of the whole thing, which includes the reception. The reception dinner is just as important for the entire wedding party to be at as the ceremony itself.
I have seen this same thing before. It is very rude and childish for them to act like this. If he insists on not showing up for the reception if you do not serve alcohol, replace him. You will be a lot better off without him. Even if he does show up, there is a good chance his attitude will cause a problem.
2006-07-04 18:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by Paradise Weddings & Travel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should suck it up and deal with it. He should respect your religion and get over it.
But, it is his choice to not attend. Your fiance should let him know that you (both of you) need someone to attend the reception as well as have the duties before and during the wedding. Calmly and non-threateningly tell him that while you really want him to be there for all of it, if he can't do that, you'll try to fill his spot in the party.
However, the other question you should be asking is 'why does he have to be at the reception'? He's pretty much fulfilled his duties once the ceremony is over, so you could just make an excuse as to why he had to leave to anyone who asks and get over it. Don't let him ruin your wedding.
2006-07-03 09:25:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you or your fiance tried to talk to him? What if he just came to the reception to be recognized as a groomsman and then left?
Personally I agree but you can't help what another person thinks. First, you and your fiance are going to have to agree. Ask your fiance just to explain to him that groomsman have a lot of respsonsibility to the groom and being part of the reception is one of those, but there is not going to be alchol. You can't make him come but you can explain things. I know that it is not easy trust me on this one. BUT everything will work out.
Look at it this way for a minute: Are you going to be at the ceremony? Is your fiance? Then that is all that REALLY matters (yes there are other little things you want) in the end it is about you and him. Make this day special but don't worry so much about the small details. Believe me it can and might get worse. Try and let the stress go and relax then have fun!
I was planning my wedding and the day before my mom cancels my hairstylist because she was sick (it was my sister-in-law) and we all were very upset (she wasn't that sick at all) but it all worked out. I got really upset and my fiance reminded me that getting upset wasn't going to fix it so I called and talked with her myself. It all worked out when I just sat down and came up with a plan.
2006-07-03 07:55:11 · answer #5 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that he is a rude person. But, do you really want that energy at your reception? Let him be in the ceremony and if he doesn't want to come to the reception then let him go home. Also, make it clear that you respect his thoughts on the reception and his reasons for not coming, and that to accomodate him you have not included him and his family in the reception dinner. Tell him you're sorry he can't make it, but you totally understand.
That way there are 4 less people to pay for. Don't stress about stupid little things. Since when is this HIS wedding? If he can't respect you and your wishes he can go home and order a pizza.
2006-07-03 07:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by coco 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very rude of the groomsman not to come to the reception because there's no alcohol being served. Print out this yahoo question and show it to your fiance. He should have a talk with this guy and explain it to him. Groomsmen are your fiance's responsibility. Does the groomsman need AA, is he in denial or just a jerk?
2006-07-03 06:57:33 · answer #7 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a douche bag, punch him in the face. Then find a new bestman. It's extremely rude for him not to attend the reception. That's not a problem with you, that's a problem with him. If he's such an alcoholic that he won't attend your recpetion because you're not serving drinks, cut him out completely. Your fiancee should be offended as well. You asked him to share in your special day and he's being selfish. Tell him exactly how you feel. Or just get rid of him, he sounds like he'd just ruin everything, anyway.
2006-07-03 07:52:22 · answer #8 · answered by kaiticometrue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats horrible, if he's really his friend then it shouldn't matter if there is alcohol.
You could have your fiance to ask him to just come to the reception for long enough to eat and run, and see if he and his family will agree to that. And if not, then tell him he's screwing up your count and he can either walk the line or he's booted out of the wedding altogether.
thats definately what i'd do
2006-07-03 04:51:11 · answer #9 · answered by TN girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has no right to dictate anything to you about your wedding and it is totally uncalled for that he'd skip the reception because there is no alcahol.
Try talking to him about him (or having your fiance do it). If that fails flat out lie and say that you are bringing a little just for him. Then once he's there tell him you didn't but really wanted him to attend.
2006-07-03 04:48:47 · answer #10 · answered by jjbeard926 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋