As a Christian, I know what the Bible says about divorce, but I also know that I NEED out....What do I do?

Question

My husband is an abusive alcoholic with no plans for change. What do I do??? I know that the Bible says there are 3 acceptable reasons for divorce:


The first reason is obvious—death of one of the individuals in the marriage. See Romans chapter 7, verse 2 (Romans 7:2).
The second reason is adultery or immorality on the part of one of the individuals (Matthew 5:31,32 19:9, and so forth).
The third reason appears in First Corinthians 7:12-16. Here Paul states that “if the unbeliever departs” the Christian is not “under bondage.”

Answer 1

This is hard to answer without having anymore details than you have provided here. Many alcoholics will say that they are not going to change as they are always drunk and not using their full capapcity. As with most people with addictions, the addiction becomes the dictating factor in their life and they cannot let go nor have the want to let go of it. As a Christian I see this as a way of Satan using one of many devices against us. You being in this siutation, you cannot seem to see the way out of it and may not see any light at the end of the tunnel.

There are some things that I can suggest that you do. Look at the person they were before they started to drink and see if there is any hope there for change. Another thing to do is try to work with them on a level that is not judgemental. But most of all you need to get to a peaceful and quiet place to pray about this and see what God tells you to do.

The verses you gave are truly what the Bible says about divorce. The last one is a little debatable within the church. There are those Christians that will be telling you to stick it out as divorce in this situation is not permitted. Then there will be others that will say just walk out and give you a Biblical reason to. Honestly, I would hope that you would try to stick it out before giving in and divorcing.

One thing that you must consider yourself, is are you willing not to re-marry until he passes on? See that is a verse in the Bible that often gets overlooked. As a Christian when you do get divorced you are not to remarry until your spouse has passed on. I know that a lot of Chrisitans and churches overlook that more and more these days, however you cannot change the Bible and what it says.

I feel for you and I will be praying for you. I would not want to advise you one way or the other as this is something between you and God and your husband. I believe that God can do anything, including making your husband dry and to restore your marriage as all things are possible with Him. However you are the one that has to live with the decesion you need to make in this situation and only you know what God intends for you.

Romans 8:28

Answer 2

Well as I see it you have the ultimate right in your own verses, adultry and immorrality sort of get me because if this idiot is hitting you that is immoral.

The other verse is under bondage, if you are getting your butt beat you are in fact under bondage.

Now you can wait until the first happen and that is death,but guess who will be the dead one, certainly not him because you will be looking in the bible for a reason to divorce him.

Do you guys have children, if so they need to be away from this guy as soon as possible. They are living in hell listening to you two argue with each other and both are sending a message to the girls that it is ok to be beaten by men and to your boys it is ok to beat women. The only good I see in this is to get the hell out and get out now.

I say divorce this guy now and take a chance on getting into heaven.

In my career field if a client does not have perfect credit and it can be explained we assist them in writing a letter of explanation, so when you get to heaven ask God if you can wrtite a letter of explanation about your divorce. I am sure he will understand.

I can't explain this to you any simplier, this person is not gonna change, and you can not change him, eventually he will kill you.

Call the police, get a protective order for you and your children.
I don't know if counseling will help, but he needs to visit AA as well as Anger management also verbal and physical abuse and a marriage counselor. He has many problems that need to be solved.

I hope this has been of some use to you, good luck.

"FIGHT ON"

Answer 3

I would like to tell you firstly that you are a brave woman and I have the greatest respect for you.You are not weak but indeed you are a strong woman.There is however no easy answer to this question and I am totally impressed with your discipline to stay obedient to God but I could only give my personal opinion and that is first get the hell out of there before that sorry excuse of a man kills you.I think the God that I serve will more than understand.Though I know that the motivation to stay is much more than your commitment to God and It may have more to do with your love for the bastard.It, honey is not worth it.You deserve better and he deserves to be alone.Maybe you leaving may be the thing that may bring change to his life.However if you do decide to leave please notify the police I don't want the fool to come after you now.Just as I said that you should also report him to the police.Abuse is against the law.

Answer 4

You have received some very good advice here and some not so very good advice. You need to remember to search your heart and determine what is best for you in this situation. I am a Christian male, twice divorced. I am not proud of this fact, just stating it to give you a basis for my advice.

I am assuming that you follow the Bible and that it's wisdom is not at issue here. The Bible states clearly that God hates divorce. However, you have to remember that in ALL of Jesus' teachings (and we are under Jesus' teaching, not the law of the Old Testament), he taught us that while adhering to the law we are to remember the spirit of the law, not necessarily the letter of the law. Just because you have a right to divorce because of infidelity doesn't mean that you should. The same holds true for abuse. Just because it isn't explicitly allowed, doesn't meant that you have to stay in a dangerous marriage.

If your husband is physically abusive, get out and get to a safe place. At that point, you can tell him what you are thinking of doing, due to his actions. If he changes, truly changes, you have saved him from eternal damnation. If not, proceed with your divorce. You can file for it (it is not an unforgiveable sin), and God will forgive your actions, because He knows that you did what you could to salvage the marriage.

In everything, pray to God thru His Son, Jesus Christ. He will lead you if you are willing to listen. Good luck, and God Bless! :-)

P.S. To the person that asked if you were too stupid to use your brain, I say pity on that person. Too bad they cannot see that you are struggling with a very serious situation and don't need to be hit by another person just for asking for advice. Your question shows more use of your brain that their pitiful excuse for an answer.

Answer 5

There are so many arguments about this it is not funny. But let's look at some passages people love to throw out. Must of these people don't have a clue as to what they are talking about. 1. " That which God has join together, let not man put as sunder." They stop there, but you tell me would God, being a Loving and caring God take a woman and put her with a man that He knew was going to abuse and mistreat her in every way and if God had put you together, do you think there is any devil in hell or on earth that could tear you apart. I don't think so. If he loved you he would not abuse you, and if he does not love you now, he did not love you then.
2 "What ever you bound on earth shall be bound in heaven, what ever you lose on earth shall be lose in heaven." Most people stop at the first of this statement. When two people who marry they are bound by marriage on earth and in heaven . When they get a divorce they are lose on earth and they are lose in heaven.
3. "Be not unevenly yoke together with unbelievers, if you are and Christian and he is not then there is no way God would have join you together

Answer 6

This is a question that plagues many Christians.
Were you a believing Christian when you got married?
Did you get married for all the wrong reasons?
Do you really believe that GOD would want you, as HIS child, to stay in an abusive relationship.
I personally think it is immoral for a man to hit a woman or to verbally abuse her.
That type of action shows that he's not much of a man in the first place.

Answer 7

I think the best way is to change your religion since it has something wrong in it. This is really funny.. i can not have divorce unless 1,2 and 3??? so what happens if he/she is a ******* bastered?? The real bible does not say that.. when are you all gonna know that you have something wrong in your head?? you believe that there is 3 gods in 1?? isnt that idiot.. you will tell me that know.. we believe that there are three in one person.. so 1+1+1=1.. I think i am new to math. anyway, the base of your book (the bible) is wrong so the best answer would be dont use it and use your mind cause there is another thing in this world,, if you are interested to know about it do not hesitate to contact me.

Answer 8

Depends on how you view immorality. If you see it only as sexual(note the adultry or IMMORALITY, which would indicate by your wording that is isn't just sexual) then you would say you can't. If you view it as doing immoral things I would say that actually being a drunk is immoral. Also he isn't honoring his vows if he is abusive. So actually you could very easily see this as he is breaking the Christian rules and therefore by those rules the divorce is perfectly fine. I would say talk to a preacher and they would explain it to you. Yeah you should try to get consuling from a Christan Counsuler first but you are indicating it is past the point of that helping.

Answer 9

St. Paul also admonishes husbands to love their wives. (I don't remember which verse contains this admonition, but I'm sure if you do a search, you'll find it easily.)

If your husband is abusing you, then he's not fulfilling his Christian duty to treat you with love.

As such, one of the conditions for a valid Christian marriage is glaringly lacking -- which means you could make the case that from a Christian point of view, your marriage is invalid.

Which in turn gives you a way out of the marriage.

By the way, the death of a spouse isn't grounds for divorce. The death of a spouse ends a marriage without divorce. If one spouse dies, obviously the other spouse cannot divorce him/her -- the marriage ends once the spouse dies.

Answer 10

I will confess I dont know a whole lot about this type of situation, but i do know that you need help. i suggest finding a christian counselor(i recommend that he/she be some what on the Conservative side). you should also try reading some books from christian women . i know there are a lot of books out there that talk about what you are going through.

i truly, truly believe that God hears your prayers and that He answers them. read Matthew 10:29-31. this verse has brought me soo much comfort and security in times of trouble.

Matthew 10:29-31
are not two sparrows sold for a cent? and yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the knowledge of your Father. but the very hairs of your head are numbered. SO DO NOT FEAR; YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE THAN MANY SPARROWS.