my husband admits that he thinks he may be in love with another woman?

Question

she loves him as well but she also loves her husband and he says that he loves me and would never leave and that they decided not to have anything to do with each other than to just be friends. He told me that he doesnt want to leave me and that he isnt. He says he couldnt live without me. Im scared and confused. I dont know how to feel. I dont want to leave him, I still love him and I want to work things out but I just dont know how I should feel. All I know is Im hurt. Im not angry. I dont know how to handle all the information. Its like Im having an out of body experience. Like I am watching all of this happen from outside of me. It hurts so much sometimes I cant breathe. I forgave him. I'm scared and feel alone... How do I get through this, I dont want to leave him I would die for him. Im so scared... How do I handle this and keep our marriage in tact. How do I feel towards my husband. I cant hate him because you cant help if you fall in love. Is there any advice other than leave

Please help. I cant feel this all alone. Im very insecure about myself now. I feel like I wasnt good enough. Can someone give me some comfort

he has even tried to get her out of his life by getting her fired, she has wanted to quit anyway because of all this... he has tried to distance himself and I want to forgive him I just dont know how

Answer 1

You have given all your power over to him. He is making all the choices here. Not only did he cheat but now he is going to decide that they will be friends ?? Are you kidding me ? Your ok with them being friends at this point ? He knows he can do anything to you and get away with it. Staying with this man means years and years and years of putting up with this kind of treatment. You should love yourself more than to surrender to this life. So no, there is no other choice then to leave. Its the best thing you can do for yourself. You will never meet Mr. Right as long as your wasting time with Mr. Wrong.

Answer 2

There is a difference between love and monogamy.
Love requires a great deal of communication and compassion. Monogamy requires a great deal of self-control and restraint in resisting human urges that to some are as normal as breathing.
In your case, you both clearly love each other and that's good. The bad thing is that you both probably assumed monogamy when you got married, as that's just what most people assume. Unfortunately, monogamy is not an assumption in marriage; it is a commitment, like every other facet of any human relationship. Therefore to stay monogamous, consistent and healthy communication about sex is required.
All of us can love many people, especially loving individuals, in many ways. So after years of being married, it may be easy to think one is in love with another, when all that's really happening is that it's something new.
It could really be love, though, and at that point you may have to re-evaluate the monogamy of your relationship. The fact may be that none of what I've suggested above is true in your case. You and your husband may discuss sex often, role playing, and how to keep the physical side of your relationship "spicy." If you don't do this, then chances are that the male has found another challenge to conquer and sexing a new woman he cares about is part of that process.
You don't have to leave at all. You have to find out what his priorities are and aren't. If you want to be married to a man that loves other women physically, yet he always puts you first spiritually and in every other way, then that may work out if you can tolerate a non-monogamous relationship. You can also see if he's just going through a phase with this, and wait it out. Yet if he already had sex with this woman, and told you after the fact, then you have a respect issue and that has a lot to do with love. It is unlikely he is telling you he loves another woman and is not going to do anything about it; he is waiting to see how you will process and handle the information before he tells you more or decides that he no longer wants a marriage commitment.
If his intent is to tell you he loves another woman and he's not doing anything about it, then you have to decide if this is the person you wish to be married to for the rest of your life.
You can love someone a lot, and not be married to them.
Ultimately, for a guy (and I'm one), it sounds to me like he's just trying to break this to you in a humane manner; he missed the point though. He should have told you long ago he had feelings for someone, yet he did not. The number one thing that breaks up a relationship is a lack of communication and the form that usually takes is a lack of monogamy or in some cases irresponsible monetary habits. Yours is a difficult case because it's about communication.
You will never hate him because you can't help who you love. Yet you don't have to stay married to him if he cannot provide you with a commitment that you feel is necessary for your happiness and for you continued sanity. Yet image means a lot to people and if staying married is an image that you want, then you may have to put up with a lot of head-games based on what you describe.
You were good to forgive him, yet can he forgive himself and does he even want to? Does he look at your forgiveness as permission to do this to you again in the future? These are tough questions, but ones he will need to answer if he wants to be monogamous.

Answer 3

At least he admitted it instead of keeping it a secret and you finding out in worse ways. I think he is trying to keep your marriage together, so I give him props for doing so. He is honest, which is a HUGE plus, but he's in love with another woman? Maybe it;s just lust... you two definitely need to talk about it. You need to know every little detail- how they met, if they hung out, if they got too personal/physical, how the attachment came to be, why they think they can be friends with all these feelings going on with eachother... etc.

They cannot be friends- it will keep things complicated, not to mention, hurt you even more and it may get worse. They need to cut all ties from eachother, or you and hubby need to move across the country or something. I know it does not fix everything, but sounds like you need a fresh start. Or you can move out and have some alone time to yourself to see if your marriage is really worth saving, and let hubby prove to you, that you are worth saving. This must be one of the worst feelings in the world; I would be scared too.

Be strong, you are independant and you don't need a man to take care of you. Get all the details from hubby about the other woman, and make your decision on whether to keep your marriage alive or to keep it moving and go separate ways. If your man strays from you once, chances are that he will do it again. It's reality and just expect the worst so your feelings don't get any more hurt than they are.

Answer 4

Honey, this is going to be hard for you, but I have been through this scenario both as the person in love with two, and the one just like you. I am not proud of what I did, nor am I very happy it was done to me. As a man, I could never have imagined the pain this caused her nor could I imagine how it hurts to be there myself. My suggestion is to leave this situation. Remember that you are a beautiful person with dreams and desires. He broke his promise to you once and still loves the other person he is with. The longer this lingers on in your life, the harder it will be for you. Love yourself and love will find you, but do not trust this man ever again. You can help falling in love with someone other than your spouse. DO NOT LOOK. Unfortunately he used you and your kindness. If you do stay, you will be putting yourself through more pain longer.....

Answer 5

First of all I would congratulate your husband for having the courage to confide in you. Its sounds like the two of you have a special bond together. I think that with this close connection your husband should just leave this other person alone, and not try to get her fired. This would create additional tension at work.

Consider it another page in your life and move on with your husband.

Answer 6

Ok- take a deep breathe. You CAN deal with this, it'll just take some time to get your head wrapped around it.

Anyone would be overwhelmed by this.

Now- you have some big decisions to make and you should talk to a COUNSELOR so you can think clearly to make them.

You need CLARITY and someone who's not emotionally invested to give you OBJECTIVE advice. Ask all your friends about a good counselor and pick one this week.

In the meantime ask Romeo to put a HOLD on his "friendship" while you come to terms with all this...

Answer 7

well, who you are har nothing to do with the choices your husband makes. In other words, him falling in love with someone else has nothing to do with who you are. If you want to keep your marriage in tact, I would go see a therapist. He should go not only with you, but also by himself, as he is the one with the problem, not you. If he even realizes that it is a problem. As you said, you can't help who you fall in love with, I also don't think that he has control enough to keep that other relationship as just friends. I wouldn't worry about what he wants right now, just worry about yourself. Who cares if he can't live without you, guys always sqay that when they think that their safety and security is on the line. But what about YOUR safety and security. It will never be the same again. If staying in this marriage is going to rob you of your core safety, and esteem, then it isn't good for you. And you can hate what he has done, without hating him. BUt right now, you need to learn how to take care of yourself, with or without him. Go talk to someone who is qualified to help. They will help you figure out what is best for you. Good luck, and keep yourself together and your mind open. You're beautiful, and you're worth it

Answer 8

He is a dirty bastard.blunt but true.If I was you I would go and get another guy and do the same to him.rub his nose in it.give him a taste of what it feels like.you cant feel any worse than what you do now.if there is someone you have always had your eye on,or fancy,go for it.dont be made to feel like rubbish.put a smile on your face,dress nice,get your lippy on,and give him a taste of his own medecine.men cant hack that.he needs to feel worried and scared.let him see you are wanted,judging by your photo(Im straight with a long term partner)you are an attractive female,let him remember this.give him a fright.

Answer 9

My first advice will be to accept him and his frankness. Then slowly start thinking backwards as to how he developed an attarction towards the other one... think hard and probe hard.... you will find what additional qualities the other had/have than you!!! Try to understand him better every day and also politely ask your husband of the plus points you have over the other!! Slowly bring him back to your ideal status!! Dont panic and press the unwanted buttons!!

Answer 10

as soon as you get passed thinking of being alone, you will want to go. you can love someone and not want to be with them its ok. if you want to be controlled like that, I guess you look the outher way, there is nothing you can do, but stand up for your self. here is a clue it hurts you because what he did was wrong, and it is not ok.
if you want it to work out he needs to stop the affair now. if he dose not want to stop the affair then he is not being honest with you on how he feels. good luck.