What is the best way to ask a guy why he has never married?

Question

When I talk to a guy who is in his 40's or 50's that has never been married and has no children I am immediatly weary of him because after all it just isn't the norm. I know that many of these men are confirmed batcherlors that will never marry and I don't want to waste even a minute with them. What is a way to bring this subject up as soon as possible (preferably during the first email contacts) without sounding nosy? I have avoided asking questions before meeting guys because I thought they would think I was nosy but as soon as I met the guy, within a few minutes, I have found out things about them which I wish I would have known before wasting my time meeting them. For example I went out with a guy who was divorced and I told him how long I had been divorced but didn't ask him and I found out withing the first few minutes of our meeting that he was divorced 3 times. I should have asked first.

I know that many of these men have lived with women for many years and that is something I am also trying to avoid as it shows he has no morals and doesn't like legal committments. I will never just live with a guy and don't want anything to do with a guy who is looking for that.

Answer 1

i always just ask, I am 31 and before going on dates, thats always one of my questions, behind do you have a job, car, license, do you live with your mom?. I always ask why haven't you ever been married. In most cases there is a reason a man after 30 hasn't been married, and usually its because something is wrong with him. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Simply ask, any question can be construed as "nosy" so don't worry about it...they probably get that question a lot because being middle aged and up and never married, isn't the norm (as you said)...however don't let that be a huge red flag because it doesn't mean they've never been in a long-term or emotionally committed relationship. Divorced guys aren't necessarily safer or better risks than never-married guys...all have had relationships that didn't work out...the divorced guys tend to have more baggage due to legal issues, child support, etc.

Answer 3

I have been divorced 4 times and have had 2 long term live in girl friends. Women are not afraid to ask me and I am not afraid to answer. If they guy has not been married and in his 40's just maybe he was living with someone forthe last 20 years. It is hard to tell without asking. So don't worry about it just ask. And if you find something that don't set well with you just tell him that it would be too hard for you to live with. And bow out.

One thing you need to keep in mind is it is not always the guys fault if he was married as many times as I have. I take credit for some of it but the major parts was not my fault

Wife one we was 18 years old and I was her first. She one day just started partying lots of drugs and having sex with who ever she wanted to. We split up and she remarried and they both died from overdose. Wife two my longest worked at chicken plant real close to a guy. They got very close and one day she filed on me with out me knowing and told me to leave. So she just found someone she liked better. Wife 3 got in to crank, yup one more drugie and she hooked up with her pusher and again I was out of the picture. Wife four was a real hottie and was 12 years younger then I. I was in my 40's and she was 31 years old. She had young kids and we were very actiave in sports and the kids lifes. But still yet I am not a dope head and she liked drugs. I being that much older had slowed down wanting a slower and simpler life and she was still going strong. Well she kept going and I went on my way.

I belive the 3 times divorced may have not been his fault. He kept trying but was picking the wrong one. It is hard to change the type woman a man likes. That is the type that turns him on. I did rehab over this and I think I was able to change the type of woman and now have a good one. Time will tell.

Just hope you are not his normal type of pic. or it will not work.

Answer 4

You are SOOOOOOOOOOO judgmental! If a guy doesn't get married at all, you don't want him; but if he practices at it 3 times, you don't want him either I think you're creating completely artificial ideas of what is "normal" and that's a mistake.

If you ask a guy why he didn't get married, or why he divorced, you put him on the defensive and make him feel uncomfortable, and that's a mistake too. Divorce can be a terribly emotional and guilt-creating thing, not easy to talk about. The first several dates you need to tread lightly, get used to the guy, see if you like him and he likes you. Then you'll get a better idea of how to bring up painful topics with him.

That's my nag for the day.

Answer 5

You sound like you aren't married.Is something wrong with you?Are you weird?They're not married because they dont want to waste time with women such as yourself who can tell the contents of a book by its cover.Open your small closed mind,there are plenty of reasons why some people never get married.Get over yourself and your ego there princess.PS,no wonder your divorced !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

A married woman at one time wanted to marry me without even dating me.

Answer 7

You need to ask straightaway because a lot of things can be solved with finding out the truth right away. Talk.

Answer 8

Do you meet them after the first email? that could be dangerous. If not during each email ask them questions. If they have nothing to hide they will be open with you.

Answer 9

Just ask him.You could say something like "so tell me a little about yourself like how old are you, do you have any kids, and have you ever been married"You could even make a joke about the being married part and say something like "do you want to be like this(have you ever been married and do you want to be LoL LOL.......)You could say that after you look at his pic. You could say something like " I saw your pic and i was wondering have you ever been married and do you want to be."

Answer 10

Put it in an email: So tell me...why have you never married?