me and my wife are due to have a baby in 2weeks time and she has just found out that her sister has commited suicide, leaving behind a beautiful 5 month old daughter, now iam quite wiling to take in this baby and raise her with my wife however my wife is unsure as she doesnt think we will be able to cope with two babies, the only other option for this baby is care and as a former care-home baby i really dont want her to have to go through it i want to offer her a stable and positive familiy role!
please help!
2006-07-03 00:31:51 · 38 answers · asked by linsy 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I think you should absolutely consider adopting this little girl, after all you are her family. I know it can be daunting to have two babies in the house, but you will cope somehow.
Explain to your wife, that if anything happened to your natural child in the event of both of you dying, wouldn't she want a family member to take care of your baby?
As I said, I know that it can be daunting to take on 2 babies with no experience of any babies, but your wife will cope. Consider some extra outside help like an au pair or nanny that can help with the extra work. Also find out if you do legally adopt what help or assistance may be available to you.
If you don't take on this child, then you will regret it in the long term.
I'm legal guardian for my brother's four children, and if anything happened to him or his wife, then they would be my responsibility, yes it would be incredibly hard, with one of my own and one on the way, but they are my family.
I hope this works out for all of you.
2006-07-03 00:44:11 · answer #1 · answered by Violent and bored 4 · 10⤊ 1⤋
I once helped a woman who had triplets. While it's a little harder than taking care of one, it's not much more so. ex If one baby takes 50% of your day's energy out of you two babies will take 70% of your days energy not 100% and if you love the babies then that energy drain could even be less like only 60%. Later as they start to coo, smile at you, and socialize the love you share will more than make up for the initial energy drain you feel during their infancy. Give it a try, but don't feel guilty if you find you can't commit. Your wife might have a very easy or a very difficult delivery ...noone knows the future. You don't have to do what others do or would do, you just need to do your best. I hope things improve for you.
2006-07-03 01:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by tyreanpurple 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard of a lot of people in similar situations... well not EXACTLY, but people who were in the process of adopting an infant and then got pregnant themselves, and decided to go ahead and adopt the infant anyway and raise the two babies together. I believe it's called "twinning" and it seems to work well for the families I've heard of.
You and your wife are the only ones who can decide yes or no, but if it were me, I would definitely adopt the baby. Tell people you know about your situation... friends, neighbors, church buddies, your relatives... and I bet people would be more than happy to help out, especially during the first few months while you're still establishing a routine!
Good luck!
2006-07-03 16:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by angelsister23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should definitely take the baby in. Be prepared for hard work, and remember that in the first 6 weeks or so after your wife delivers she will want to focus solely on her baby. she might resent the fact that she can't give her own child 100%, which means you should either be there to help A LOT or have someone stay with you for a while, until she feels better.
Good luck.
2006-07-03 00:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by Brianne P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It won't be that much hard. It would almost be like twins. I think the two of you can handle it. God wouldn't have brought you to it if you couldn't . This is what is left of her sister. Even if they didn't see eye to eye while her sister was alive it is still her sister. At one time during their lives they were friends and loved each other. The baby is an innocent in all of this and she wont remember her real mother. When she gets older and asks questions who better to tell her the answers than her biological mothers sister, her new mother, somebody that loves her, somebody who knows her biological mother. Good luck...and I am sorry to hear about the suicide....never really understood suicide. God Bless the Two of you or I should say four of you.
2006-07-03 00:46:22 · answer #5 · answered by uma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to sit down and think about this and discuss it together. The fairytale ending is that you adopt the baby and the four of you live happily ever after but there is alot of responsibility in voloved as I'm sure you are aware. You are going to havr your own baby soon which I am sure you have planned for emotionally and financially, can you afford to look after the sisters baby? Would you be able to love your niece as if she were you own after your baby is born? Will this cause division and argument.
There alot of questions to answer before a decision is made and you two need to sit down and discuss these and your own ideas before a decision is made.
Remember you have your own child and wife to think of too.
Good luck to you.
2006-07-03 00:44:30 · answer #6 · answered by ehc11 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should try to raise this little girl if there is nobody else in your family to do it. It is important that she knows who her mum is and this would not happen in a care home environment. Even if the situation gets too much and the girl has to go into care because you and your wife can't cope, at least you will know that you tried your best and it didn't work. Will you ever be able to forgive yourself if you don't at least try? More importantly, will your wife be able to forgive herself for abandoning her sister's child, her neice?
2006-07-03 02:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please keep this baby so she is with her family your wife will cope its not that hard. Dont let her go to someone that might mistreat her, its not the same as being with your family.
Think of the child you will cope whatever and you will probably get financial help too. The kids will love each other dearly and you could think of the child as your own please dont be selfish and help this child as much as you can poor thing has lost her parents and she is an innocent party in all this love her and help her as much as you can.
2006-07-03 01:17:51 · answer #8 · answered by dizzymooo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
adopt her you will regret letting her go into care you and your wife will both cope how about people who have twins shes just a baby she cant be put into care when she could have a loving family that is blood i hope you can come to an agreement with your wife good luck to all of you and best wishes xx
2006-07-03 04:26:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES ... how can your wife think she wont cope? Of course the two of you can cope.
Don't let that baby go out of your family. She is blood.
If she ends up in care what will her fate be. Don't leave her to monsters.
Good luck x
2006-07-03 00:39:38 · answer #10 · answered by super_star 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋